Birthday party invite etiquette

[cheapandcheerful]

Urgh. I know this has been done already so apologies.

But at what point did you start letting your dc decide who to invite to their birthday parties?

The reason I ask is that I have a friend who recently moved to the uk with her dd who is the same age as mine and ended up getting her into my dd's school (reception class). My dd was the only guest at her dd's birthday, as she hadn't really made any other friends yet. Anyway, my dd's birthday is coming up and she has decided for some reason (that I can't work out) that she doesn't want to invite this girl, even though there are others in her class she does want to invite.

I obviously want her to be invited because I'm friends with her mum and I don't want the girl (or her mum) to feel shunned.

Do I insist that the girl is invited or just go with what dd wants?

In those circumstances I'd probably invite the new girl even if your dd doesn't play with her it might encourage some friendships with others in the class.

Haven't been in this situation yet, but I think I would insist this child is invited. Reciprocating invitations is basic good manners, and unless there's a good reason not to do it (e.g. the child turned out to be bullying your DD) it would seem very unfair. Given that she's a newcomer and doesn't have many friends yet, this child sounds at real risk of social exclusion.
At 4/5 your DD is too young to get all the nuances of this one. I think some gentle but firm guidance is fine. But do of course ask her why she doesn't want to invite the other child.

Ask your dd why, has this girl maybe been mean etc, if she has no cogent reason I would invite the girl, if she does have a reason you can explain to the mum.

Thanks both. I have asked her why she doesn't want to invite her and dd says that she only wants to play with her on Tuesdays

I think she will be getting an invite!