Parenting

[Jayde29]

Hi all I have a young son he is 6 months now and a really good sleeper. But every morning I hear him crying get up and sort him and sit back in bed for 5mins to wake up properally because I don't want to fall down the stairs with him as they are extra steep. Anyway that is the rutine we are set in however my partner has a go at me for 'letting' my son cry anwakin him up before work when I am trying to wake myself up quickly to sort him out. I'm a first time parent and I just feel like I have to sleep in the same room as my son. My partner just accuses me of not caring about him and his needs. I feel like I'm raising two kids instead of just one. Maybe I'm just over reacting and being stupid to feel that. But I just want to ask the advice of what to do, to other mums out there.

Firstly your partner is being unreasonable and childish to complain about putting your son's needs above his. When you're a parent your needs should be second to your baby's needs. Plus, you're not there to parent your partner! He needs to grow up.

Secondly, I'm not sure I understand what you're asking about when your son wakes up. Is your son in the same room as you and your partner? Either way, your partner should not be complaining about the baby crying and disturbing him. That's the deal you sign up for when you have a baby! If he really needs his sleep (because he has a job where being tired could be dangerous, like driving/operating machinery) then he can go and sleep somewhere else in the house. Do you have a spare room or a sofa he could use if that's the case?

One morning at about 5am my DD started crying so I jumped out of bed and ran to her room in the hope that she wouldn't wake her dad. I had a head rush and fainted on the landing, then fell down the stairs.
Whatever your partner thinks, you're doing the safest thing by making sure you're properly awake.

Gosh, I have a 23 month old and a 14 week old. Between the 2 of them DH and I are up about 6 times a night (toddler has never slept through the night). DH has never once complained about them waking him up (except in a general 'I'm knackered' way) as that's what he signed up for when we made th joint decision to have children. He is being very selfish.

Is there any reason why your partner couldn't go and see to him other than being utterly selfish?

My DH would get pretty short shrift if he tried that BS with me. You're both parents. Your lives have changed. You aren't responsible for your partner's 'needs', he should sort himself out! Twat.

He does go to work but I have suggested so many times to him to either go to bed earlier because usually he goes to bed at around 1 in the morning or he can sleep on the sofa but then he just tells me to go and sleep in my sons room but I don't want to ruin my babe's routine. And the post from Tanito 279 that is exactly what I'm worried about but my partner doesn't seem to get that :-/ my son is in his own room and sleeps all the way through so he is good. It just annoys me when I get up in the morning and half way through the day I get made to feel guilty for my son waking him up in the morning :-/ I'm not really sure what to do to get him to understand its not that I don't care about him but our baby comes first and its not my responsibility to make sure my partner gets enough sleep :-/ thank you for all the comments they really help and I know I'm not going crazy to think what I am thinking

It's not ok for your partner to be so dismissive about the sleeping arrangements. Does he normally try and tell you what to do about other things, without listening and discussing with you as an equal?

I actually can't believe he can complain given that he's not the one who's actually going to the baby! Going to bed at 1am is just stupid as well.

Do you think you could find a moment this weekend and discuss sleeping arrangements with him? If his sleep is soo important to him he needs to get to bed at an earlier time, and sleep on the sofa if needs be. If he isn't going to bed at a sensible time he can't complain about being woken up by the baby. In fact, here's an idea - move your baby back in with you and your partner can sleep in the baby's room on his own.

Yh I am going to sit down and talk to him about it this weekend hopefully he will listen to me this time and understand my point of view a bit better. And he doesn't really listen to most things to be honest but I just don't want this to carry on because all I'm doing is trying to do best for our baby. Thank you so much for you help it is muchly appreciated I will keep you updated how things go :-)

I don't really understand what your partner is expecting you to do. The baby sleeps through and is in another room and you are always the one to go to him, so your partner is pretty damn lucky. Ok he cries briefly in the morning - that's what babies do and I'm not sure how he expects you to stop that. If he's tired because of waking up early, he needs to take responsibility for himself and go to bed earlier too. Babies and small children wake up early in the morning and so he needs to adapt his lifestyle to be able to deal with that, because early wake-ups aren't going to magically go away any time soon. It sounds from what you've said that he's being totally selfish and unreasonable.