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Parenting

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Original poster

DS not invited to things much

11 replies

spankhurst · 15/10/2015 13:07

Hi,

DS is 8 and seems happy at school. He's got a few close friends who he always plays with and one best friend.

The thing is, he doesn't get invited to playdates very much, and hasn't been invited to a party for almost a year. As I said, he seems happy enough. I work full time and am rarely at the school gates, so I don't know whether parties are happening and he doesn't get invited, or if they're aren't many parties anymore now they're 8. I guess I feel a bit guilty that if I was at the school more, I'd know more people and maybe DS would be on their radar.

Thoughts please? What are other 8yo boys like in this respect?

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IDontWantToBuildASnowman · 15/10/2015 16:05

Hmm, no parties for a year seems unlikely, what size of class is he in?

I would think play dates could be impacted by not being at the school gates sadly (I speak as another full time working mum) and therefore given parents are the ones normally guiding playdates I have found its the mums (or dads) who are able to offer them more who's children tend to get invited more, so if you aren't hosting any your son may get fewer invites as people tend to feel they need to reciprocate to those who have had their children over. I have had to do weekend dates, which I really hate as its family time, to ensure children are not left out all together. This does seem to have worked.

Also I have found that playdates have decreased as children get older and are more scheduled up with after school activities, so finding days when both sides are available is more difficult. So it could be that they are generally far less frequent for everyone.

Maybe you could ask his teacher what generally happens as they will know on both parties and playdates and ask if there are any issues you should be aware of.

Also if you are worried about general friendships, does he attend anything like Cubs? They are good ways to building friendships.

Original poster

spankhurst · 15/10/2015 17:27

Weirdly he seems quite popular - several kids were upset that they weren't in his class this year. I'm a teacher so get long hols in which I do host playdates and occassionally during term.

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Original poster

spankhurst · 17/10/2015 11:02

Bump?

Discovered that a group of mums took their boys (who DS is friendly with) to a fair on Thursday evening. No invite for DS. .

Are children's friendships dictated by the friendships of their parents at this age?

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Verypissedoffwife · 17/10/2015 11:06

I would say Yes very much so. My son was really struggling socially so at primary school so I made the effort to make friends with some of the other school mum's. I'm still good friends with them now.

Verypissedoffwife · 17/10/2015 11:10

The fair on Thursday is a classic example. They've gone as a group because they're friends who gave children that are also friends. Why don't you arrange something for half term? Is there anything in for Halloween that you could invite some of the other families to?

Verypissedoffwife · 17/10/2015 11:11

Sorry about spelling - on phone!

Original poster

spankhurst · 17/10/2015 11:14

Thanks Very, that's a good idea. I'd do a party but our house is a bit of a building site at the minute.

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cece · 17/10/2015 11:18

Some thoughts

Friendships out of school still based on who the parents' are friendly with at this age. So I you are friends with some of the mums you and DS will get invited along.

Parties - these tend to twindle once in the Juniors. The whole class party will be a thing of the past and most children just have a few friends - maybe up to about 10 at the very most - to celebrate birthdays. Hence the lack of invites. My DC only would go to maybe half a dozen parties at the VERY most each year at 8. Often much less.

If he's not bothered about it try not to worry!

Verypissedoffwife · 17/10/2015 11:23

Sorry I meant "is there anything ON not IN"

If you have a look locally there may be a Halloween party that you could take the kids to. If it's at a place that serves alcohol all the better as I find those types of events quite popular with parents.

Last year we spent the day in Leeds with another family. We went to a museum where the kids made Halloween masks and then went for tea and had a few beers and got the train back.

I think a lot of family type places tend to put on special activities during half term so if you have a Google you might find something good locally and then just send out a group text to see if anyone else fancies coming? Do you have any of the other mum's phone numbers?

Verypissedoffwife · 17/10/2015 11:28

Or you could see if anyone wants to go trick or treating with you? I hate it personally as it's always freezing and don't really like knocking on random people's doors but the kids like it and it's always more tolerable if you're part of a group!

Brytte · 17/10/2015 11:39

Are children's friendships dictated by the friendships of their parents at this age? This probably depends on many different factors but in the case of my DD's school, yes, even in Year 5. My DD is very popular too but she so rarely gets invited to other people's houses and I still only have superficial acquaintances in the school playground rather than friends. To make up for the lack of social contact out of school for DD, I arrange to see my own friends who have children, but who go to different schools.

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