How to spend time with older child....

[FondantFancy66]

.....when you've got baby twins? I'm new to Mumsnet, so don't know if this is where I should be posting. I have 5 week old twins and a nearly 3 year old son. Me and him had got ourselves into a lovely little routine on our days together (I worked part-time) and after some really tough times when he was a baby (constantly sick, never slept, various other stresses) I felt we'd become a little team. Then I got pregnant with twins. I was thrilled at this, although I knew it would be tough. What I wasn't prepared for was almost grieving for the time I used to spend with my eldest. I miss him. I've still got him at home a few days a week (he's still in daycare some days) but I miss what we had. His days are now dictated by what the babies need. When they're asleep I try to do something with him, but as soon as they wake, they have to be dealt with. We can't go out and about as easily. I'm trying to give him one to one time when family come over to visit, but my brain is still split between him and them. My husband works horrendously long hours, even at weekends, so I'm pretty much alone with all three then too.

I adore all three, but I also miss what I had before. Mind you, when he was born I missed my life before him and got over it, so maybe it just needs more time. Is this normal? Did anybody else feel this way?

Totally normal to feel this way OP. I didn't have twins but there's only 18m between my two DC so my eldest still needed a lot of my time when the younger one was born.

It's a tough transition but, like you say, you will both get used to a new routine over time and your twins won't be tiny forever.

In the early days I found it a godsend to have other mum friends round to play whenever possible. That way, my toddler was entertained by a friend and the other mum could sometime s hold the baby while I gave Dc1 some attention.

In the end I think in came to an acceptance that I only have one pair of hands and that I was doing the best job I could manage in the circumstances. but even now my two are 5 & 4 I find it hard sometimes that neither one almost ever gets my full attention for anything as the other one is always getting up to mischief in the background!!!

I don't have that many mum friends (I sound like a right sad case!) as we moved to a new area recently, and being at work part-time I didn't really do groups and things. There is a twin club locally which I need to investigate, so I'd probably find some kindred spirits there, but it's so tricky getting out of the house at the moment, takes forever. Most of my friends don't have children, so although they visit, you can sort of half tell that as soon as the crying starts, they're itching to leave. Don't blame them!

I think we just need to settle down and settle into our new life. I had PND last time too, and I'm worried it'll come back this time, so I'm sort of on edge and constantly thinking about whether I'm doing things right and what I should be doing differently, and constantly mentally checking myself.

It must be incredibly hard op. Twins- bloody hell!! I have a 22 month old ds and a 12 week old dd and have found missing ds the hardest part. It was the only thing that made me really cry in the very early days, there was one evening when I really wanted to bath ds. I fed and fed dd then handed her to dp to give ds his bath and she just started to scream. I let her and bathed him anyway. Another time I wanted to have our then customary post nap cuddle and Bing Bunny but dd just started to cry as i was going to get him. Again dp held her and tried to comfort her but she cried and I did it anyway. It felt shit to leave her but I just needed to do something with ds.

It's hard but is there anyway you can forge a bit of time just for the two of you? Something little (even just a cuddle with a five minute tv show) that you will do no matter what.
You do need to settle in, you've had a major change-it sounds like you're doing amazingly well. I do sometimes miss it being "just us two". I also feel guilty about all of the one to one attention that ds got that dd never will but this part, whilst they're so little, is the hard yard.
Definitely go to the twin club!