post natal anxiety and returning to work?

[ffffffedup]

I've got 3 weeks of maternity leave left I've been suffering with post natal anxiety I have good and bad days. I don't sleep very well so I'm constantly shattered the simplest of situation's can have me a total mess.
I'm due back to work in 3 weeks time after speaking to my boss it's clear that I'll be thrown back in at the deep end and he's expecting big things from me. I haven't told my boss I've been suffering but in all honesty it wouldn't change what's expected of me, needs of the business and all that rubbish.
I feel physically sick I've not slept properly all weekend and a tightening in my chest. I'm worried how I'm going to cope with it all .
I took 5 years off after Dc1 and didn't return til dc2 was 2 so I've never had to go back after maternity leave before. I've no issues with leaving dc3 he will be well looked after by GP who are brilliant with him.
My worry is about how I will cope and if I'm not coping the effect it will have on my dc. My dh works away during the week so everything falls to me to run the house sort the children etc.
Anyone any tips? Will it all seem better once I'm back? Should I be going off sick? My fear with going off sick is that I'll never go back which financially isn't an option unfortunately.

Is there any chance you can extend your maternity leave? To me, you don't sound ready. How old is dc3? It sounds like panic attacks with the chest tightening that you are describing to me, and if you are intending to go back you really do need support not just from your work place but from your family as well.
Can you extend your maternity leave? Work from home? Is it an option not to go back at all until you are ready? Or do you need to?
Either way I would see your GP and talk through what is happening, and see what they can do to help. Possibly sign you off for a month or two...

It is a lot to contend with 3 children and a job, and no dh at home, so maybe you need more help at home? Maybe this is causing the anxiety. Is that possible? So you can manage more easily, if you do decide to go ahead. Often it is the thought of it, but once you are back, and everyone settles in to a new routine it may get easier...only you will know if that is likely to happen.

It might work out that once you are back in the routine of work, then your mind is fully occupied with that, and everything calms down.
I know I didn't want to start back after my maternity leaves, but about 2 days in, and it's just the way it is. I think if I had put it off, then it would have become even more of an issue, rather than just jumping in, and seeing.
If you don't cope, then visit your Dr then, and take it from there.

Technically I can have til Jan off but It would be unpaid so not ideal over Xmas with 3 dc. I have lots of support from GP I'd be lost without them but the organisation of everyone falls to me. I think it's the role I'll be taking on rather than actually being out the house or away from the dc. Unfortunately there isn't another role I can do and they're very short staffed in my area the regional manager actually rang to ask when I was coming back and if I'd consider going back sooner, obviously I said no and have planned to take off as much time financially possible.
Before I left for maternity leave I'd often bring work home with me in my head anyway so I worry that this pressure added to the daily pressures I face could be too much for me too handle. On the flip side by not going back just yet I'm just putting off the inevitable and I worry that if I applied for another job in the future a sickness for post natal anxiety could hamper my chances. Aaaaarrrrrrrrr!!!!! It's just all to much to deal with

If you can technically take to Jan off, I would do it. I would not give in to pressure just because they are short staffed, we always need more money of course, but if you are not quite ready/prepared, it is not in anyone's interest if there is a less than positive start.

It will give you time to plan your work/life balance. Everything can be organised now for next year, birthday cards, on line shopping delivery slot every week, cleaning plan, map out time for each child etc, time out when dh is there etc. Then discuss it all with gp and check it will work. Test run it even but with you having a day off not working. I do think some quiet time to plan this carefully will reduce your stress enormously.

Starting work before christmas will definitely add to your stress, because christmas is always so chronically busy. Buy the children smaller gifts but take them to lots of christmassy things like the christmas lights etc, and enjoy the time you have, don't think about Jan beyond planning for it.

Once Jan comes around and christmas has finished you might feel a whole lot more ready than you do now, and may even look forward to it. The key is organisation and feeling more positive.

Can I amend my return date at this late stage? I'm due back 2nd Nov

I understand exactly what you are feeling op, I've just gone back after mat leave and I suffer from anxiety (although mine is specifically work related rather than post natal) it's really not good.

Are you on any meds? Is that something you would consider?
I haven't been back on mine since I stopped taking them while pg, but they really did help and I'm considering going back to the dr to get more now I'm back at work. They helped me with sleeping too.

Yes I'm on 30mg citalopram