Being in 2nd Place

[Diplodocus7]

Hello Mumnetter's,

I was hoping to get some 2nd opinions from either Mum's or Dad's.

My wife is passionate about breast feeding and her Mum used to be a midwife (who also breast fed).

There have been various difficulties with regards to the nipples getting sore and the Mum not being very well that have forced us to occasionally use formula (but that decision is a final resort).

My wife has had huge support from her Mum and was on hand for the first month. I was also at home for the first three weeks.

My issue is that my wife is constantly phoning her Mum for advice regarding what to do with our dd and she doesn't bother asking me. I basically feel like my opinion is not valued.

I talked to her about this and she said I just don't have the required knowledge. I believe some of it is about moral support as well.

Ultimately should I just accept that my wife bypasses my opinions and be happy that she is comfortable with the advise on the phone? Or should I make her realise that I really wish she would ask me first? I just feel a bit cut out.

Thanks!

Hi
It sounds great that you mother in law has been so supportive. It sounds like you are the 'victim' (you know what I mean!) of circumstance in that your mil is kinda expert and thus has lots of experience to draw on! That said your opinion is obviously just as valid and you should be able to chat through options with your wife like you would on other issues!

Have you had the chance to give your opinion before your wife rings her mum? It sounds like a confidence thing so maybe you could say....hang on don't call we can work up a plan together? Why don't we try x and if it doesn't work lets call your mum?

Just wondering also if you have looked after your DC on your own yet? You don't mention the age? If you haven't done so this is great for everyone involved ime!! X

It might be a different kind of advice your wife wants from her mum.. So practical 'how do I do x' kind if stuff. I defo asked my mum ( and anyone else with any idea) loAds of those questions when my son was young.
Parenting decisions such as how much telly to watch or how we want to wean ( baby led etc) were made between my husband and I. (Then I'd ring my mum to Check and ask how to so it).
I defo agree spending time alone with your baby will really help.

This is so tough. I think my DH felt pushed out a bit while I was BF and actually it led to him not really having confidence in looking after the baby for a really long time (over a year). However, I'm not sure what I could have done about it.

I realised once I started BF that no-one can fully understand how hard/emotional/wonderful/awful/pride-inducing/all the emotions until you have done it yourself. So I totally get your wife going to her mum.

If you were my DH I would want you to be there to do everything else. Nappy change/bath/bedtime (when baby is old enough. I also found my DH really struggled to play with my DS until he started walking a few months ago. So maybe research sensory age appropriate play for when your baby is awake and happy and alert. Your DW will only be thinking about feeding right now.