What to do when your child runs off?

[chicaguapa]

DD (2.5) has just started seriously running off. I've tried calling her back, telling her to stop and even just leaving her to see how far she will go, but it's all just a game to her.

I even allowed to her lose me in Sainsbury's and although an employee found her crying - so she WAS upset - it hasn't stopped her from running off again.

Any tips? I'm sure it's a really common trait for toddlers.

I think you really need to be very strict. Make in your own mind a judgement - is this is a safe place: the park, the countryside, the garden or quiet streets (if she can be trusted to stay on the pavement and stop at junctions) or is this a dangerous place: busy roads; crowded shopping streets or stores. If the latter I would be really firm and say she has to stay close by you and hold your hand; if she won't comply put her in reins or a wrist-rein.

I'm a firm believer in freedom and independence for children (has got me into some scrapes on here), but 2.5 is tiny and she could easily get into all sorts of serious and real danger within a minute of being out of your sight.

I would definitely exercise a serious clamp-down, and she should soon learn, and it will make your life a lot easier for the future.

Wherever possible give her the freedom to run around and explore, but she has to learn that there are certain circumstances when she must not to that.

Agree with dinosaur keep her fastened in her buggy or in the trolley at the supermarket until she's a bit older. I can still remember my brother running off and getting lost on a beach once on holiday, seriously lost i.e. found him at the local police station!! My parents were sooo upset and he was sat there smiling and eating smarties

From about 18m I would let DD walk beside me but if she went off she was strapped back in her buggy for 5 mins or so and I explained why. TBH I've never had a problem nd i think it's partly because she knew the consequences early on. I did buy reins but never got round to using them...

Unfortunately if DH is in charge of her he has an unfortunate habit of forgetting her which led to a nasty incident where DD found herself abandoned by the comics in sainsbury's and wandered out to the carpark to find her dad. completely his fault and i think most of the supermarket heard me tell him so...

I am having big probs with dd2 doing this at the mo. I've tried ignoring her, following her and distracting her but nothing seems to work (she is 4).
Yesterday whilst collecting her and dd1 from school and nursery dd2 ran off around the back of the school. I couldn't chase her as i had ds in the buggy. I stood shouting and calling her for ages and in the end i had to abandon the buggy (i could still see it) and run after her.
It's getting so i can't go out on my own if i have dd and ds as i can't trust her to stay near me.

DD1 never did it so i'm not sure where i'm going wrong.

Eeek! Is he allowed out with her now?

My last comment was to ML.

Nutty - some kids do it, some kids don't - it must be something in their make-up, rather than anything you do. DS1 didn't run, ds2 did. It is tough when you've got a baby as well, so it's hard to run after the escapee. (Make sure you put the brakes on the buggy, before you do!)

I would advise getting a wrist rein - she won't like it. But just tell her bluntly she has to be on the wrist rein or walk nicely holding on to the buggy handle. First time she runs off, even briefly, each school run put the wrist rein on ... she'll soon learn.

Oh, and don't forget praise, rewards, stickers, or whatever when she starts walking nicely.

Just had a nightmare with dd 23months in town, she whines and kicks to get out of buggy and then runs off thinking its funny. Telling her off doesnt make a difference, she just finds it funny and like others thinks its a game. Im just not strict enough and leaving her to whine annoys me. So no advice sorry but if i ever find something that works ill let you know

Roisin - Have tried a wrist strap and reins. She can get the wrist strap off, and with the reins she'll just pick her feet up so that i'm dragging her along.

well, let's just say she stays with me when we're in the supermarket

Honestly DH is a complete nightmare when it comes to wandering off. on holiday last week he was 4 blocks away before he realised the rest of us were out of view!

DD did not do it often but on a couple of occasions she nearly ran on a busy road, I was so angry at her, I think I shouted at her for half an hour in the car!

I withdrew privileges, like videos, etc. or I put her back in the buggy even if she was kicking and screaming like a pig being slaughtered...I ahd quite a few funny looks from strangers, but I don't care.

She seems better now, but can't tell, if it was the training, or just the fact that she's grown out of it

I stopped doing the shopping at the supermarket when dd1 started doing this towards the end of my second pregnancy. I couldn't push the trolley with her in it, so had reluctantly allowed her to walk alongside me (she's 3).

I switched to getting the shopping delivered (Sainsbury's is free of charge Tues - Thurs inclusive) - much better all round as we use the time saved to do something fun - and we've continued with this now dd2 has arrived. She does occasionally ask why we don't go, but doesn't seem to mind. I certainly don't miss chasing her round the store!!

When she does it elsewhere (eg the park) I make sure she understands that we won't go again if she can't behave. Had nightmare occasion recently where she ran away (I couldn't chase her as I had cumbersome pram and she ran off through undergrowth!). She was found by 2 elderly ladies, who fortunately were much more sympathetic to me than I'd expected. I've just explained to her subsequently when she's asked to go there again, that I can't currently trust her to stay by me. It's become a treat we're promising if she manages to sleep through 3 nights in a row (another current bugbear).

Sympathies Nutty - I'm all out of ideas. I hope someone else comes up with some suggestions for you. Does she have any sense? I mean at that age ds2 would run on ahead, but I could count on him never to run across roads or to balance on the edge of the pavement or anything dangerous.

Collecting kids from nursery and school can be such a stress. Last year picked ds2 up from nursery then had to wait 10-15 mins for ds1 from school. DS2 was tired and cranky, and generally not at his best. Just what you need when you're on "public display" with your parenting skills, isn't it?

Ah yes, the school gate. Dd (3.4) did this to me yesterday and wandered off down the road with a group of children she didn't know. I thought she'd gone the other way. Had about 30 seconds where I thought she was about to pop into view then about 2 minutes, when she didn't, where I started to panic. A friend found her at the bottom of the road. What surprised me was another mother say "oh yes, I saw her with xxx and thought, I wonder what she's doing with him?" Duh!!!

She does have some sense Roisin but she has twice ran into the road. The place that she did it though is always very quiet so i think she knew perfectly well what she was doing.
I told her that ds had seen her do that, and he'd think it was o.k. What if he ran into the road now and got knocked down. She has never done it since, as she was obviously upset at the thought of ds being knocked over.
She really seems to have gotten worse at it not better.
Maybe when she can use her energy running around the garden she won't feel the need to run off.

Maybe stating the obvious here but I would say try to structure the day so you don't end up shopping while they're full of energy - I know it's sometimes easier said than done but either go with the delivery idea or go without kids when dh is around or go to the park before the shops. When dd1 was about 18 months til 2 and a half I pretty much gave up shopping with her - she hated staying in the buggy, she was not good enough to reliably stay with me and I basically thought it was unfair on her - it was a pain in the neck but better than stressfull shopping trips. I used reins sometimes but generally found the threat of using them made her hold my hand. And, when walking somewhere I'd bribe her into the buggy with a drink or raisins. Now she's 4 and when we shop she's allowed to run but she has to stop when I tell her - if she doesn't stop she has to walk next to me, no debate. It's turned into a game and she asks me to point out a landmark (tree, shop dummy, whatever) that she has to stop by - it's quite fun actually and she's 99 per cent reliable now. ANotehr good one for short walks has been to let her take her toy pram and dolly with her - we walk along side by side, me with dd2 and we pretend we're both mums chatting about our babies.