May Babies

[GeorginaA]

Have we got enough that I can officially open this thread yet?

How are your little ones doing prufrock, twiglett, snowbird?

I think mine is going down with jaundice. Dh isn't convinced, but it's either that or he's got a lovely tan sigh. I remember all the stress associated with that last time with ds1... hoping ds2 doesn't get it as badly.

He's still being a very sicky baby, about a couple of teaspoons a few hours after each feed (which is odd - I'd have thought if it was a reflux type thing it would happen immediately after the feed?) Midwife seems to think it'll settle after the milk comes in but if not then we'll look at some sort of baby gaviscon. Poor little mite, can't be comfortable for him... and we're sure getting through a lot of laundry!

Feel so bloody knackered at the moment, fed up of bits leaking and being sore, and it's only day 2! How long is it before you start feeling human again? Please tell me that it's sooner than the 2 week paternity leave dh gets!!

thanks Prufrock - how long did you feed ds for in the night? Have just woken her for an 11pm feed and she conked out after less than 10mins breastfeed. That doesn't seem to me to be enough, but no chance of keeping her awake unless i turn all the lights on etc.

Egypt - i've got the Medela breast pump, the mini electric one and i've always microwaved it. Guess i didn't read that bit of the instructions, but it's always been fine.

Libb - outraged on your behalf....how long exactly since you gave birth, and he wants to invite his mates over ! Had a similar situation last week ie 7 days after birth when some friends (plus their two dd's) came over for supposedly an hour to see dd. Ended up staying for dinner (putting their two down in spare room) and by 10.30pm i was seriously flagging and wanting them to leave and dh then invited them all to stay. Luckily they picked up on my glare and left, but goodness gracious, how insensitive !

Georgina, it sounds tough if ds2 isn't settling. As the swaddling isn't working, what about trying a hairdryer, hoover or other white noise. My SIL carries a dictaphone everywhere she goes with a 5min tape of a hoover so her 7 mth ds will go to sleep anywhere. I know it's a sleep crutch, but i thought it was a brilliant idea. She did say that before she thought of the dictaphone, she had considered buying a portable hoover to cart around !

White noise doesn't seem to do it either, unfortunately Have done a lot of hoovering on the offchance, but no luck. He also has a slumber bear which gives womb noises but that doesn't seem to make much difference (other than hopefully to give a signal that it's nap time now).

Little horror has hiccups at the moment, so I guess I can write off any naps this morning for a start...

oh, ps vivat - I try to make sure night feeds last at least 30-35mins (as that's roughly the average feed length during the day when I know he can last through for 3 hours) - don't know if that helps?

thanks for medela advice vivat - tried it too, its fine. think it just means not to warm bottle, etc.

georgina, thats what we found with niamh the first few days as well. would sleep with anyone, or settled when sitting but not lying down. she does seem to be fine now though. so think maybe was just an unsettling time. we'll see! hope you get your ds sorted.

Libb I think it's a part of the parenting education process to give dps and dhs a wake up call when they plan unrealistic stuff like you describe! mine was only yesterday talking about long bike rides and matey sleepovers as if there was nothing else to do between work and weekends. He just sort of... Forgot! that the baby takes a lot of minding. ( this is the risk of him being in living room at night and at work during day I reckon). However he is very good at settling dd, and her white noise equivalent is Kraftwerk cd. very good father daughter bonding going on there.

My stitches are also doing really surprisingly well. I had a horrible free gift with them, sort of cysty infection thing, which was far worse, but waving goodbye to that with help of antibiotics...

I'm a crap mummy

Just totally lost it with ds1 who was yelling and throwing toys outside ds2's bedroom while I was trying to get him to sleep. Went out and screamed at him and manhandled him downstairs. So had TWO children crying hysterically and a mummy on the verge of doing so on my hands.

Why is this so hard?!

Georgina you do seem to be having a hard time. Is there no way you could get some help? I'm lucky that DS is at nursery 3 days a week so I can get the cleaning and stuff done on these days because when I've got them both nothing gets done AT ALL.

DS had a major trauma tonight when DD pooed in the bath and he had to get out without playing with his toys. We put them in the bath together but he can't have his toys out until DD has got out because of risk of him accidentally clocking her one. He was really upset. DD (after two bad evenings) has settled really well tonight. My latest theory is Twiglett's - that when she is handled a lot by other people she is unsettled in the evening.

Well my mum and her boyfriend are visiting tomorrow and have offered to take ds1 out for the day. Next week will be a little easier hopefully as term time starts up again (ds1's nursery/tumbletots etc are term time only - dreading the summer holidays already!) My biggest problem though is that I just feel so guilty all the time as I feel like I'm failing both my boys at the moment - both of them are miserable.

I need to try and get into the frame of mind to focus on each day at a time really.

We haven't been brave enough to put the two dses in the bath at the same time yet! We've instigated separate bath nights (and have a small baby bath)... but then they both only get bathed twice a week as a result!

Hi everyone
Haven't had time to read the whole thread as dd2 is about to wake up for another feed, I hope anyway. She's doing really well she likes to feed all day and then sleep all night usually from around midnight through to about 7 or 8 in the morning. I'm not complaining about the amount she's sleeping through the night as at least we are getting the rest but my god the constant feeding is starting to get to me. She goes through a phase of wanting to feed almost every hour. It's been ok these past 2 weeks as dh is home with me but he goes back to work next week and I'm not sure how I'm going to cope in the evenings with both dd's.

Can I ask an honest question would it make me a bad mummy if I put dd2 on bottles?

I breastfed dd1 for 10 weeks and was hoping to do the same this time or maybe longer but these constant feeds are really getting to me and I'm so sore, it seems to be a lot more painful this time I don't remember it hurting as much last time. Midwives have checked that she's latching on properly and she is but she gets lazy halfway through and moves which then means reattaching her. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to cope with feeding her and look after dd1. I feel guilty thinking about putting her on bottles but at the same time I need to think about my sanity and dd1's.

So please give opinions would I be a bad mummy or should I think of my sanity and dd's sanity.

Sorry to hear that you're not having a great time Georgina. I know what you mean about the summer holidays looming, that's another reason why I'm thinking of the bottles so I can spend time with dd1 during the holidays instead of being a milk machine.

Hope everyone else is doing ok, will read through the rest of the thread when I have more time I hear dd2 stirring now.
love
Linnet

Georgina you are not not not a crap mummy. Every post you make here indicates you are loving, caring and thoughtful and very concerned about your ds's. It ain't an easy time at the moment with a little one and a bigger one that may feel just a bit usurped so please stop beating yourself up, and it will get better....

And i bet neither of your boys are as miserable as they'd be if you weren't there ! Where do you live ? I've a feeling you're not in London, but it would be great to catch up if you are

message withdrawn

Hello,
haven't been around much...just seems to be so much to do these days!
Georgina - it's bloomin' hard isn't it? DD has started to try and get attention (although she DOES get loads of it) by tipping drinks over, so we have had to revert back to lidded beakers. I also don't like leaving her downstairs alone infront of the TV whilst I settle DS...CBeebies only retains her interest for a short period of time. One thing we have tried over the past couple of days which is really working, is to use a dummy to "wind down". We've been following GF's recommendation to not have it in the cot so he just has about 10 good sucks to relax him before daytime naps then he tends to spit it out. In the evening, about 6.30pm, I sit him in his chair and he has a good hard suck on it for a while. This is his poor man's equivalent of the lovely half hour wind down cuddle that DD used to get when she was a baby! I can't wait until he can find his thumb because I don't like the look of dummies at all, but it just really seems to be helping at the moment.
Linnet - I have already succumbed to the bottle. I managed 6 weeks bf with DD and was in lots of pain throughout. I only managed a week with DS and then gradually went onto bottles. I had PND for 9 months after DD was born and really didn't want to go down that route again. I am a lot happier now I am bottlefeeding, feel much more in control of myself and therefore more confident and able to look after 2 children.
That's just my own personal situation, but I'm happy with the decision I made.

Personally I don't think there is a single "bad mummy" here - we're all in different situations (some with our first, some with our second etc.) and yet, as a first time mum, there is not a single person I wouldn't listen to here. I think you are all blooming brilliant and am so glad I'm sharing this time with you (jeez, cheezy moment - really sorry). Wouldn't change it for the world!

To those of you that have two or more to look after, I'm really impressed because I feel like a bundle of nerves with just one!

Look after yourselves, Libb xxx

ps: DP won't be doing the "oops, did I forget to mention the boys are coming round for the football?" scenario again, I explained that all I wanted was a "heads up" warning next time! we apologised to each other (for him being a clutz and me for losing my rag) and its another lesson learnt (I hope!). I actually like the boys coming round as its adult company (?) - just need DP to do his bit as well, not leaving me to sort out baby and food for impromptu guests! Sorry I ranted about it at you too - I think I am all ranted out for now . . .

Reading these posts takes me back a number of years to having to having a toddler and a baby. It is really hard work. GeorginaA, I remember the day 2 1/2 year old DS1 had been an absolute pest and I had sent him to his room. He wouldn't stay in it so there was I , tears streaming down my face, holding the door shut and refusing to let him out. I couldn't believe that a toddler could make me lose the plot like that.
However, we start to establish coping mechanisms as we get more experiene. I also bought 'Toddler Taming' by ? Christopher Green which did help me understand DS's behviours more ( my friend said the book was only useful for hitting her toddler round the head with joke of course)

What I am trying to say is theses feelings of inadequacy are normal and they will subside.

Linnet - try not to let your baby dictate the pace all the time. If you need space during the day then offer a dummy. Babies do not need to be permanently latched just because you are breastfeeding. It is OK to feed for long periods if it suits you - it is also OK to say right, you have had enough and get someone to take them away in the pram for a while. If your baby is latching well and you can hear the milk go down as they feed then you can decide to space feeds if you want.Breastfeeding can be really liberating - especially in the summer when you want to get out and about. No need to pack bottles etc. I often would stop feeds and pack up and go. Although baby might initially cry, the movement of the car or pram soon lulled them to sleep. Your needs are as great as baby's.
. It might be worth trying changing your breastfeeding pattern first because it may be the constant feeding that is the problem. However, if you decide that bottlefeeding is for you, it will not make you a bad mother. We all make decisions based on our own circumstances and know what we can cope with. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Libb agree.

glad I logged on to catch that from
Mears as just today am going nuts with huge feeds and feeling very like you sound, Linnet. At the moment I cannot IMAGINE what having two children must be like... keep looking at 2 and 3 child families with shock and awe...Can I also ask you 2nd timers a rather personal question? I am wondering how my poor boobs are going to come out of this mauling. Should I give up hope now? did you all emerge perky or does the trauma of filling and emptying just kill the perkiness?

(also Mears if you are visiting I wondered how is your ds's friend who was having cancer treatment?)

spots: can't help there - I never had any boobs to speak of to start with

Thank you for all your voices of support, it means a lot especially as I know we're all going through a tough time! As I mentioned on the colic support thread things seemed a lot better today with ds2 a little more settled and ds1 out of the house for a couple of hours!! I actually could calm ds2 down even though it was by having to walk up and down constantly while he slept at lunchtime - which seems a massive improvement. I just hope it's not a one off and that things continue to improve with the cranial osteopathy manipulation.

Ds1 though is getting worse. He's started slapping me or pulling my hair if he doesn't get his own way and having massive temper tantrums at bedtime. I'm trying hard to be understanding (because he's going through a lot, and not getting any attention with me being constantly glued to the baby) but also not letting him get away excessively bad behaviour - it's a hard balance to get isn't it?

Anyway, I'm going to open a bottle of Archers Aqua right now - been looking forward to this for ... ooo... just over 9 months!!

Spots - he is doing really well. His chemo is finished and he has had another body scan which is clear. No sign of cancer anywgere else. He will be getting 3 monthly checkups initialy. He walks well with his knee replacement - you wouldn't realised he had anything done. He is now looking forward to getting his hair back which he wants to dye black when he is allowed

ps I breastfed 4 and my boobs are pretty perky for a 43 year old woman even if I say so myself

fantastic news on both fronts mears

Okay ... own up. Who's swapped my baby?!!!

Well, I don't know whether it was the cranial osteopathy, the Cuski, the infacol, or it's just a fluke today, but he's just slept the morning nap without crying (put him down awake too) and put him down for his lunchtime nap, and he's murmuring to himself but not upset. What a difference!

I've had an hour of focussed time with ds1 this morning AND managed to clean the downstairs loo! I feel like a changed woman... long may this continue.

Great news Georgina. I do hope its not a fluke. I had a less good day. Drove 20 miles to Meadowhall to buy DS some trainers (because the ones he got in April have a big hole in already) and was doing really well with the two of them. Unfortunately the shop assistant showed him some really tasteless ones with flashing lights that he fell in love with so I agreed to have them. Only to find I'd forgotten my purse.... Had to try to explain this to DS and ask them to save them. Decided that if I went home and got them and then went back again DS would have too little sleep and DD too much so persuaded DH to collect them later.

Then DD decided to be really unsettled over lunch and getting DS down for his nap. Anyway DS was messing about on his hands and knees on the stairs on his way up for his nap and I smacked his bottom (not hard but he didn't see it coming) and he gave me a really hurt look and I've been upset about it ever since although realistically he seemed to have forgotten by the time he got up to the top of the stairs. Decided I wasn't being fair on him and dumped DD in her cot. Only after he'd been to the loo he insisted on me getting her out and bringing her to listen to his story. Things picked up after that fortunately.

Georgina - so glad things are better today. It really does get so much better - I looked back on my posts from couple of weeks ago and can't actually remember being that despairing.

Linnett - if you want to bottlefeed, then do. But not because it will be easier. Breastfeeding is so much more convienient, both when you are out and about, and at home. It's so much easier to whip out a boob than to fart aound making and warming bottles. And as mears has said, bf does not have to mean feeding on demand every hour
The other option you have is mixed feeding. Once you've established a supply you can put in regular bottles and carry on bf at the times that suit you. So get dh to do a couple of bottles of formula in the evenings, but continue to feed during the day and in the night.

Oh and my boobs were never perky in teh first place, but didn't get any worse after bf dd for nearly a year (and were really perky by the end of an evening out as I used to get terribly engorged!)

Hello,
Sorry its taken me a while to log on. Weve had constant visitors since last week and endless rounds of making tea. I'm glad its all settleing down.
I know this may be a silly question but are you all just following babys lead. At the moment im just feeding when she wants and putting her down to sleep if i think shes tired, is that ok. she feeds about every 2hrs during the day and then wakes at 12.30am 3.30am at 6.30am. Is that normal?

Also I had her 8 days ago but my stiches seem to be hurting even more than before. Anyone know if this is normal.

Sorry for all the questions hope everyones keeping well.
Kbaby

Kbaby, that's what I'm doing following dd's lead and feeding her when she wants fed and putting her down to nap when she seems tired. of course I'm feeding most of the day but she does have a fairly longish stretch at night.

After my rant the other night things have now calmed down. my nipples have toughned up and feeding is no longer as painful as it was. still hurts a bit when she first goes on but that's the let down of milk, don't need to use the cream that the midwife gave me as dd seems to have finally figured out how to latch on and not treat me as something to chew on and she doesn't seem as lazy as she was.

I was never confident about feeding in public with dd1 and I'm not confident about doing it again this time either. Fairly large chest and it's easier for me to basically whip whole boob out or at least show a fair amount of flesh rather than be discreet although I'm working on that. Have decided to give myself until 6 weeks and see how things go from there. When dd2 is 6 weeks old dd1 will be finishing school for the holidays and with days out planned throughout the holidays it will probably be easier to have dd2 on bottles by then. but we'll see how things go at the time. Prufrock, my dh usually works evenings so I'll be on my own with both dd's so he wouldn't be here to give dd2 a bottle. Just need to get into more of a routine with them both and I'm sure we'll be fine.

Had a really good night out tonight with both dd's. Dd1 had her gymnastics display and I managed to get dd2 to have a good feed before we went out then went away to feed her in the middle of display and the rest of the time she was as good as gold just lay in my arms or dh's and had a sleep as well, it was bliss. Compared to last week when dh's dad came to visit and took us out for a meal and dd2 screamed through the whole thing which really upset me. Just hoping that she will be as good tomorrow night when we go out for another family meal for my granny's birthday, honestly I don't think I've been as social the whole year and now I've been out/going out loads, lol

As for the perky chest question after I finished feeding dd1 my chest shrunk to a size I'd never been in my life before and I stayed relatively small and perky. Now gone back to huge feeding boobs and hoping that afterwards they will shrink back down to a more normal size for me once I'm finished.

Kbaby that sounds v. similar to my pattern too. 2 hours can go by so quickly! I had though it would be possible to do useful things while the baby was asleep, but in fact she generally only sleeps well if riding in baby bjorn which means someone has to be carrying her pretty much all day. and before you can say jack robinson she's got her sucking mouth on again. funnily enough she will sleep in pram at night....weird.

Prufrock you must be nearing the fabled six week mark are you? the phrase 'it gets better' so often seems to be coupled with a reference to 'around six weeks'. canna wait. Not that it's a total nightmare, but a bit of getting better would be such relief.