How to make 7 year old stay in bed in the evening?

[WalkingThePlank]

Our just 7 year old won't stay in bed of an evening.

The DCs go up c. 7pm when we have wash/bath, book, cuddle and chat. He can play with DD in any remaining time up to 8pm. However he repeatedly comes downstairs until 9pm. I don't mind if he chooses to read etc until he falls asleep but he comes down with spurious excuses e.g his sister is crying - checking this one out just now woke her up.

So any gentle tips I can use?

I think this is attention seeking, so I would try ignoring. So, say to him that once he is in bed, mummy wants him to stay there, so if he comes down mummy isn't going to talk to him, but just take him back up.

Then do that, ignore, silent walk back.

No response will get boring hopefully!

How old is his sister?

DD is 9 years old.

I'm not sure that I want to do Rapid Return as this seems somewhat heartless, but perhaps that's my problem.

Tell him firmly that evenings are time for grown ups, and he can be awake in his bedroom if he doesn't need to sleep. Bribe him with some kind of reward system if necessary.

I'm not sure that I want to do Rapid Return as this seems somewhat heartless

Therein lies your problem. You are responding to him and he is gettign attention from you. If you are happy to give that, fine, but if not, then it is fine to say no, and back to bed.

he is 7, so he is perfectly capable of understanding that if mummy has said bed time she means bedtime. As MrsLeight says, he needs to know that bedtime means no exit from your room. You can sit quietly and read, but you may not come downstairs.

I think you are saying hard hearted, but in reality it is setting a boundary. No means no. Go to bed.

We have a rule that the 7-8 time is conditional. He's allowed to do something quietly in his room but if he comes out then it's lights out. Exceptions are blood, fire and puke. (The latter two unlikely but he does get nosebleeds) If he came out after 8pm you could say that he has lost his time for the next night.

We are clear that he is not allowed out of his room after 8pm. That doesn't stop him. He used to be calmly escorted back up being told it wasn't on and now we do it in a more pissed off way. I can't see how to apply the boundary. We're not actually humouring him and chatting with him when he comes down.

I didn't see BertieBotts' post. That's quite a good idea.

I've had to get a little bit tougher with DS when I am alone with him because he plays up for me but not for DH. It is hard if it doesn't come naturally to you! But returning to his room without discussion isn't heartless. You can give him a kiss and say "Night night" without engaging with whatever he is saying. Just remind him "Tell me in the morning". If he thinks he will forget, tell him to write it down. Just make it clear you're not engaging at night any more.

No idea. Rapid return, bribery and ignoring all failed here. DD has a later body clock than most and the household is calmer now I let her pootle about until she's tired, she likes making things or drawing, sometimes watches suitable tv with me. She has no problems at school so I stopped wasting my energy and time trying to change things. I know 2 other kids in her year who are just as bad and the parents are defeated by it.

Her big brother was easy to get into a routine. I used to be able to run a tight ship until dd was a toddler.

xposted :)

I've just made an A4 poster with the new rules that will be applying this evening. I'm giving him a buffer zone of half an hour when his light can be on. If he comes out (other than toilet etc), the first time he goes straight to lights out, then he loses his pocket money and then we cancel his fun activities. I have also said that if he has something he must tell us, he can write it in his pad and tell us in the morning.

I think we made some progress. He came downstairs during his buffer zone with his musical instrument for school tomorrow (which has never happened before). I took him back up stairs and put him in bed and turned his light out, as per the poster. DH noticed him going to the loo later on and he said, "Don't mind me, I'm only going to the loo. I'm not making that mistake again". :-)

Ha! Love it :o