I have to take most of the responsibilty here, as much as it hurts. Dh is away 5 days per week so I am alone on this a lot of the time.
First, Ds (10) who has been a particularly academic child, we've never had a worry about his education, learning etc, is now becoming so dreamy and wasteful of time he is achieving nothing. Last night he spent 2 hours on his homework (construct a war-time house) and managed to paint 2 sides of a shoebox. Tonight he was given 1 hour, and I asked him to have completed the walls (2 strips of card), a roof and paint the other side. He took 1.5 hrs, and there is still no roof. Which would have only been 2 pieces of card. Once he had painted, he spent time time walking to my bedroom, unplug my hairdryer, take it back to the kitchen and begin blowdrying it.....I said why not do something else while it dries, so then he did. To make the wall he measured it, wrote it down, came to me to tell me the size, found he had no card so thought he would leave that to tomorrow to ask at school. I said there is plenty card upstairs! He went, found some, and began to try to cut it with a penknife.....until I told him to go and get some scissors. In the end I made a small bed to show him a suggestion of a simple design, and then asked him to tidy. I found him washing a clean brush, he said there was a tiny faint bit of paint left. It's just like he is actively wasting time, he dithers so much it drives me to distraction. I can spend half an hour reminding him to do something. At the weekend I told the kids to come to the table for breakfast.....the other 2 came but he was missing, ds went to find him to which I got cross as the younger 2 came when told...he was getting dressed. His time management is getting worse- he could have got dressed any time before this or after but he chose the time I asked him to come for breakfast (it was a cooked breakfast as we had a guest staying, so cooked food has a little more importance here!) He will wait until the last minute to come to the table for dinner, then choose a drink, then faff on finding the right glass etc etc....
Now, I may sound like a right battle axe here, I try not to be, and most of these things are not a big deal, but it's all the time, everyday. This morning he went to school without his tie because he couldn't find it- I asked him last night to get his uniform ready. These things are nothing I wouldn't expect a 10 year old to manage- his only regular chore is to put the recycling out (when asked) and put his clothes away. He used to put his dirty laundry in the wash every day- now it's strewn across his bedroom floor and he will walk over it to go to bed. I refuse to pick it up now so if he runs out of clothes he knows why. We went to my Mum's on Friday night as he had an eye test on Saturday- he wore dirty trousers there, and the pair he had packed were filthy- mud on the knees. For a day in town.
Dd (6) will come in straight from school and want to put the tv on, now I don't mind so much having to remind her about shoes, uniform, etc, I''ll fold it for her, but she will if allowed to, watch tv until dinner, and then want to watch it after dinner, and before bed. I obvs don't allow this but I feel like a grouch telling her only 20 mins, or no you had it earlier. She has some lovely toys but barely wants to get them out, unless really encouraged. She doesn't seem to take much pleasure from toys, or things, anymore.
I worry that it's since dd2's arrival (3) and things are more tricky, that the older 2 have stopped "bothering" and I question whether I have, too. When I think back to the older 2 being small, I would do so much with them, after school or nursery, beach, baking, painting, stories and books, dd2 has probably only painted 4 times, hasn't been to the beach since the summer, baked about 3 or 4 months ago but she had almost no interest like the older two, so I just don't bother. It's not fair, she should have the same experiences. I am obvs older and I feel more tired- I am clearly not managing with 3 and cannot admit this to anyone on RL. I do to dh, and again last night, regarding ds' homework.....I'm torn, I feel so mean being disappointed in what he achieved- but then that is him, he is not me, I have to stand back. Then I think maybe I haven't given him enough structure or responsibility so tonight I asked him for the walls and roof etc within an hour, and thinking he needs more responsibilty (he emptied the dishwasher last night) then I think, god, woman, he's only 10, let him be a child. Then I let him be a child and he has no responsibilities.
I actually don't know what to do. I am not enjoying this anymore. I used to be a brilliant Mum, and really did actually love every minute.
It's not fair to blame the kids, it's my (our) responsibility and I don't know where to go for help. All my friends kids are younger, and my sister whose kids are older, is very supportive and doesn't like to offer too much criticism as she knows it's hard.
Gosh, that was long 