Severe PND ..... Did you ever have another child?

[Bellyrub1980]

I'm just recovering from PND, it was pretty severe and quite honestly the worst year of my life. I never, ever want to feel that out of control again.

Has anyone who had PND braved having another baby? Did you have PND again? If so, did getting earlier treatment help?

I always wanted 3 children but now I'm just not sure if I'm mentally cut out for it. Maybe it's natures way of telling me 'one is enough'???

I had PND with first child, but it was probably stopped from becoming too severe due to a lot of available support, but I definitely felt at times like I had quite literally ruined my life and it went on until I finally went back to work so I don't think it was mild. I braved a second child, but was really naive about what would happen and didn't even consider the depression could happen again, and was hit hard with PND second time, not helped by having almost no support that time. First year after second was born was awful really, I felt as if I wasn't really there if that makes sense. It was like being hollow, just a shell of person who didn't really care about anything but who was simply going along making the required actions such as nappy changes, feeds etc.

Anyway, we are now several years down the line and even though I know it was awful to go through, and there are times when the depression still casts a shadow, I am really pleased we had a second child as it is a joy to see their own relationship flourish and see them bond and love each other. I actually think I get more space/me time now due to having two than if I'd stopped at one, as I suspect only children place more demands on parents to be involved more as they don't have that play mate. For me the lack of space babies and young children bring was probably one of the main triggers for the depression and while I still am far from getting what I would like in terms of me time, I do get just about enough to not sink and it improves bit by bit as they get older and more independent.

So I think you need to look at your situation and if you really want a second work really hard to build an amazing support network upfront and don't be afraid to ask people to help. If you assume you will need it then don't that is a bonus, but to not make plans and to then be hit hard will bring you down and as you probably know from your last experience, taking action while in the middle of PND is almost impossible as you feel almost numb to taking any action at all.

Good luck with your decision, you are clearly very strong to have got through the last year so you with more planning and support you will be much better prepared to have a second baby. xx

Thank you for that reply. I need to be realistic that another baby will very likely trigger off another episode. I feel in a bit of a rush to make a decision (because of my age... 35).

I swing from thinking about the 2 scenarios:

1. an only child + mentally stable mum + all other benefits of only child

2. 2 children + all benefits of siblings + mental illness.... Is it worth it??

Before this baby I never gave my mental health a seconds thought, I never needed to. But now, it's the most precious thing. Nothing means anything when you're ill.

Hats off to you for getting through 2 bouts of it! Hero!!

My PND after dc2 was pretty bad. Not hospitalisation kind of bad but it definitely wasn't a mild case and your use of the words "out of control" really strike a chord with me. I was actually OK after dc3, although I had dh and lots of HPs keeping a careful eye on me, so that maybe helped? I was also pretty good at recognising when things were getting too much and taking action about it, as well.

Do you have any thoughts about what triggered your PND? I think mine was down to sleep deprivation - dc2 had reflux and the nights (and days tbh) were just horrendous. I know all new mothers are tired but this was on a different scale to when I had my other two.

I do remember feeling like I'd lost all sense of what feeling "normal" was like and wondering if I would ever fully recover but given time, I did get back to my usual self. I actually really enjoyed dc3.

glad to hear you are feeling better.

I stopped at one for a lot of reasons, one of them the PND and anxiety, but before I came to that decision I asked my doctor what would happen if I did want a second. She said they'd watch me like a hawk and have antidepressants waiting for me the second the baby was born so that we could cut it off at the knees. She also said that I'd have every chance of being pleasantly surprised to have no issues the second time around, though some of that was because my biggest issue was anxiety, which for many people lessens because you're more experienced with babies and a bit more relaxed.

Anyway, I wholeheartedly agree that an only child and a mentally stable mum overwhelmingly trumps siblings and a mum who is struggling with depression. It's not a black and white decision at all, and there's no wrong answer -- especially as you don't know for certain that you'd have PND the next time, but equally you don't know for certain that your kids would end up having a positive relationship (some siblings don't). But IMO you shouldn't feel pressured to have another child because you feel like you're doing your little one a disservice by not having another child. If you do decide to stick with one you'd be doing so in order to minimise a known risk to you and your current lovely family, which is completely valid. Having one isn't a failure or a negative (although I still have to remind myself of that at times). Happy, healthy families of any size are beautiful things, and there are as many advantages to only kids as there are to siblings.

If you do decide to have another, IDontWantToBuildASnowman's advice seems really good: build yourself a strong support network, perhaps with counselling while pregnant, and have people in place who will be alert and ready to deal with any signs of PND as soon as they appear.

Good luck whatever you decide!

I think that there is a difference between PND that has been triggered by specific circumstances (like a secondary depression) as LikeaSoul describes and PND that doesn't seem to have a trigger, other than having a baby (a bit like a primary depression). I had PND after having DD1, but it was triggered by a traumatic birth and illness after that. I was therefore able to avoid those triggers with DD2 by having a CS and I knew before getting pregnant. While it wasn't guaranteed that I wouldn't get PND, it really helped me and I didn't.

I don't think my PND was nearly as severe as yours, so I'm sorry if my comments aren't useful for you.

I had quite bad PND and even a year and a half on I feel that it will never truly go. I miss the old me sometimes but it would be so sad if I let it dictate my life and the size of my family. It has taken so much from me already - beautiful moments with my baby and DH, my sanity (!) and a whole year of my life. I like to try and see it from a medical perspective, in the way that it's common and a chemical imbalance etc etc as it helps me remember that's it's not who I am, it's just happening to me. It sounds strange but it comforts me.

I hope you make a decision you're happy with, and that you can move forward towards a happy life

I think it must be hard for you to really get any perspective right now, but on your point 2) I don't think you can assume that this option will lead to mental health issues and that if you continue with 1) they will be fixed for life. I don't think I have any mental health issues now (certainly haven't felt like it or taken and meds for a very long time), but the shadow of how it felt is always there as a reminder, but that would have been true had I stopped at one child. There are some baby photo's that I can't look at without an overwhelming sense of sadness coming over me, because they are a painful reminder of how I felt and how much I still feel I missed out on - you know, that amazing bonding happy feeling being a mother is "supposed" to bring.

I agree with LikeASoul that maybe try to work out the trigger. For me it was loss of space (and also sleep deprivation - much worse second time around) and also a strong feeling that babies are really just not my thing (I found the whole time in the early months crushingly boring and lonely) all of which you can get help with if you know they are likely to be the trigger again.

How does your partner feel about having another child? I imagine the PND impacted on them quite a bit too?

Yes Pico that is what I was inarticulately trying to say - I was trying not to waffle and I think instead I didn't really explain myself!

OP I don't think you should put any pressure on yourself either way - you say you are just recovering so perhaps you need some more time and things will become clearer?

Thank you for the lovely replies. I've never met anyone else who has had PND (or at least no one who has talked about it) apart from my own mum, so to hear your experiences is really helpful.

I think my trigger was a 3 day latent phase of labour (then induced) and then I was discharged after 12 hours after no sleep. I ran on adrenaline for the next week and virtually no food or sleep (not because of my baby, I literally couldn't stay still). For some reason I felt I shouldn't admit defeat and ask for help, my partner was amazing but totally overwhelmed, he'd admitted before having her that he would be following my lead and learning from scratch. So I was acutely aware that I was letting him down.

Thankfully he roped in my mum and between them they helped me through it (mum basically moved in and had PND 3 times so took me straight to the GP).

After that, my PND was based around the guilt I felt about those first few weeks. I also had constant anxiety (a nervous sick feeling).

I'm very relieved to say that thanks to medication and talking therapies I'm 90% better, but like you all say, I'm somehow 'changed'.

I think if I had a planned C Section and accepted help from the very beginning things would be very different second time round.

Do they plan C Sections for mental health reasons?

Yes, maybe now is too soon to think about it!!

I had pnd with dc1 which was helped by going back to work when ds was six weeks old I had horrific pnd with dc2 that I somehow rode out although it caused a lot of damage to various relationships. With dc3 I had cyclogest pessaries from delivery and had no pnd at all.With dc 4 I had puerperal psychosis and was hospitalised. Dc4 was to be my last but I got pregnant with dc5 and had no pnd but was supported by a psych ante natal and post natal.

Theoretically you can have a CS on demand, in practice it might not work quite like that. You may be able to negotiate it before getting pregnant. I wouldn't have had DD2 if I hadn't known I'd get a CS. I actually had a private CS and hospital stay, which was great, but sadly unaffordable to most people.

I've found having DD2 fairly therapeutic. It wasn't nearly as much of a shock having her as having DD1.

I had pnd with DD (6). I never told a Dr though so I feel like it almost didn't happen now. It also went away by itself... I was incredibly ridiculously protective of DD - couldn't stand her being out of my sight and I had to carry dd's birth certificate around with me (God knows why) I also literally thought about the world ending everyday... Asteroid, earthquake, tsunami - you name it I thought it... When this "episode" ended, apart from the over protectiveness (when DD was about 6months old) I thought to say something. Then I got pregnant in 2012 with I'd twins. Unfortunately they were stillborn... Because of what had happened before I ask if I would get pnd to which I was told that I'd just have plain old depression (post natal means after baby...) I tbh wasn't as bad because my focus was on DD - I was very upset but I wouldn't necessarily say that I was depressed. I am currently 38+5 with my absolutely last baby boy and I've been very keen to have my mh issues known and reported. I'm not sure if I'm going to be as bad as I was... But I think il recognise the signs (as will dh, dm and we'll everyone).

Like other pp I think that having a could support around you is key to the decision to having another child xx

I have 5 dc and had PND with all 5. Not sure how to tell the difference between mild or severe PND. It definitely felt like severe PND at the time with all 5 (I expect it does for everyone) but looking back it was worse with DC's 1 and 5. I've never been in hospital with my PND. With DC1 I took 100mg of sertraline for 18 months. With DC2 and DC3 I took 50mg for about a year. DC4 I took 50mg for 8 months and with DC5, he is 15 months old and I'm taking 150mg. It was easier to get help after DC1 because I had a history of PND so the midwives, gp and hv made more of an effort to make it easier for me to ask for help eg with DC1 it was just a breezy "feeling ok?" and quickly on to the next question. With the others they spent more time and if I said I was fine (it seems to be like a reflex with me!) they always asked if I was sure and said that I could always tell them at any time if I wasn't.

I had PND with with DC1, undiagnosed until he was 18months as I tried to cope on my own. I got pregnant with DC2 when he just turned two (planned) and came off the anti depressants when I discovered I was pregnant. As soon as DC2 was born I went straight back on them, and went back to work when she was 8 months old, which I think definitely helped as with DC1 being home all day until he was 13 months definitively didn't help.

DC2 is now two and I've been fine, still have down days and can find parenting difficult, but nothing close to how I felt after DC1.

Also meant to say im still on the anti depressants.

PND hit me like a freight train after DC1, by the time I fell pg with DC2 I was better. I knew PND was a possibility so I had decided that I would go straight onto anti depressants if I got ill again. I did get ill, but I had changed doctors and my new doctor flatly refused to prescribe anti depressants! it was a nightmare. So, I would say that if you want to have DC2 visit your doctor when you are well and talk things through with them, find out before hand what they would/would not be willing and able to offer you.

When I was pg with DC4 I was advised to go and see my doctor in the early stages of the pregnancy, when I was well, so that she would have a better idea of the situation should I return pp. By this time I had changed to a lovely doctor who gave me anti depressants on my first visit to her. I wasn't on the anti-d's for long but they did the trick. It's all water under the bridge now and a sort of hazy memory.

Ok thank you for that advice. My GP is brilliant and has told me that if I have any more children they will help me from the outset. I have never asked about a C Section though..... Not that I think having a C Section is easy mind you!!

Severe, hospitalised PND here.
The main reason for the hospitalisation was that antidepressants made me suicidal and my GP wouldn't listen to me when I told him they were making me much, much worse.

I ended up on a cocktail of medication and I feel like I lost 2 years.

So the sticking plaster of antidepressants will not be an option if I was to have another baby. They really do not agree with me and it's not something I'd be willing to 'try' given last time I ended up in hospital for two months .. Leaving my four month old baby at home.

The trigger for me was purely hormonal. Great birth, much wanted baby, lots of support. But my body does not cope with hormonal crashes postnatally.
There will be no more pregnancies for me. But we're very happy as a family of three now. I really value my mental health!

Today I'm going to raise the 'how would you feel about adoption' question.....

Wish me luck!!!

Getyercoat, l completely agree, mental health is so so precious! It sounds like you went through hell and back, it's completely understandable why you would choose never ever to go back there.

Bellyrub I never saw us with one child, there were always two in my ideal life.
But I did so much research into what happened to me and it's not something that can be fixed with a prescription for antidepressants. I wish it could, I wish I was someone who had great results from them and could come off them when the horror ended.
I do feel cheated somewhat and to my shame, sometimes hugely envious of women who can pop out babies and not veer into insanity.
We are so lucky with what we already have so I'm making peace with what is really an enforced decision. I never, ever, want to risk going back there, especially as he'd be old enough now to suffer because of my difficulties.

Getyercoat you can be prescribed cyclogest to use after delivery. It's a hormone to lessen the crash. I think it worked for me but the two dc I didn't have pnd with were both girls so it may well have been coincidence as I didn't have it after dd2.

I can't take progesterone, sadly. Pill, mini pill, Mirena etc are all a no-go for me. It's oestrogen I need.

My ELCS was a breeze compared to my VB experience. There's no guarantee that a CS will be s breeze, but they have an unnecessarily bad reputation in my experience of 1.