Back in July we found out my 15 year old DSD was self harming. Her friend confided in us about it because she was struggling to help my DSD on here own. My DH and I tried to talk to her about it but because she is also selective mute she sat there and didn't really say anything. She agreed for us to help her on the condition that we didn't tell her mum. Which, as uncomfortable as it made us, we agreed to.
Whenever, we tried to approach the subject with her she'd go silent. She'd text us demands that she'd only come and see us if we didn't talk about her problems and if her friend could be there with her. We just couldn't agree to these demands at all so didn't see a great deal of her for the whole summer holidays (outside of my DHs allotted times)
We've been absolutely worried sick about her and until very recently were making no progress. We decided we'd have to confront her in her next visit. We said we'd have to get the dr involved and talk to her mum if she continued to avoid the issue. For the first time ever - since she went mute at about 5, that she opened up.
We asked her simple questions to get an idea of how bad the situation was with her self harm, where her cuts were, how she feels before and after, what were the triggers, etc. Turns out she is lonely and this is the way she's found to deal with the emotions that she finds difficult to handle.
When she's at our house she's very engaged with the family, she gets involved with our DS who is 2, asks us to help with her homework, sits and watches films with us and will have good conversations with us. At her mum's she'll come home and sit in her room, come down for dinner, then go back to her room until she gets back up for school the next day. We've given her the choice to move in with us but she's worried she won't ever be able to go back to her mums. Which is kind of true as they have lots of children and have already said one of the boys would have her room if she ever left.
Has anyone else dealt with this kind of thing before? It's difficult to make progress when she's not here everyday but we don't want to pressure her to move in but at the same time we understand that she finds decision making and vocalising her feelings very difficult. We're just so worried about her.