Toddler won't leave baby alone!

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DS1 is 2.9 and we have a 3 week old. DS1 has been very good and despite the usual responses to a new baby, has adapted well and proved very loving towards DS2. He loves giving kisses and cuddles, but this is where my problem arises....he does it all the time. Every time I feed DS2, DS1 comes and insists he needs to kiss DS2 and leans over him. When he's in the bouncer, DS1 is always leaning over him trying to give affection, but gets very close and is clumsy by nature. Even in the Moses basket, DS2 is practically climbing in to give DS2 affection. I know it all sounds very sweet, and it is, but I am constantly on edge, fearing an accident. We have tried teaching DS1 to be gentle, telling him that when DS2 is in certain places he needs leaving alone and distracting him, but none of this works and the problem is constant. I have read to move the baby rather than the toddler, but this isn't always practical, especially as DS1 tries to get to him wherever he is.

I should add, we give lots of opportunities for DS1 to cuddle and have DS2 on his lap. We are also making sure DS1 gets lots of attention and affection.

Does anyone have any advice on how we could encourage DS2 to leave DS1, to be more gentle or whatever it might be that enables DS1 to still be affectionate but in a more restrained, less fear inducing way.

TIA

hi op,
cannot offer advice but my ds1 26 months is excatly the same as yours is with ds2. Ds2 is 17 weeks.

I am hoping he will soon lose interest he has already eased off alittle but still tries to feed him and cuddle him when he is in his chair/swing

congratulations on your baby

Just keep working at it, the novelty eventually wears off. Nice the toddler is so keen :).

Leave him to it. It's good for them both to get used to eachother. He's not hurting the baby. Asking him to leave the baby could lead to resentment

Does he have a favorite teddy or doll that he could imitate with?

I.e. You're feeding baby and he could give his teddy/ doll a bottle (even use a real one). You're putting baby down for a nap he, with encouragement, put teddy/ doll down. You could do the whole drama whisper etc.

Sometimes you could ask him to help you out with your baby and sometimes you help with his but it could be a distraction oh 'does ... Need a little nap too?'.

Then follow up with oh isn't it nice now we've settled them we can sit and have a book together or have a drink etc.

Congratulations.

I've a 16 month gap so this might not all work for you

We would encourage dc1 to push the pram where dc2 was sleeping in the day so I held dc1 and he pushed the pram to get dc2 to sleep.

Or put dc2 in a travel cot which was between a sofa and a wall so hard to access.

As dc1 got older we taught him to shh when dc2 is sleeping and that its time for dc1 to do something fun.

With the bouncy chair sc1 had his own chair and we just told him no hugs.

Also we always said gentle kisses only to dc2, no head rubbing, no hugs etc.

On the whole it has all worked well (dc2 is 8 months) but we did have a biting episode a couple of months back and had to start a naughty chair. Triggered from new kids at nursery biting I think.

i would say a kiss before a feed but not during. A morning / afternoon cuddle and thats it. baby needs quiet, rest, no touching try and get a routine for him to know when he can touch / cuddle .

make a point when you have finished feeding and baby is settled to play / praise and spend time if you can with DS . At 2.9 he is able to understand a few basic rules. As for leaving them to get to know one another a friends dd managed to tip the moses basket and newborn met a tiled floor cue panic- baby was fine .

I have this same problem but with my little boys cousin, whenever he is around he's trying to grab my son (10 weeks) from my arms almost to kiss and cuddle him, constantly leaning over and accidentally leaning ON him. It's very stressful at times - like you say I'm always on edge. I'm hoping the novelty will wear off as I don't really feel comfortable telling him what to do, he's not my child.

Sorry I'm no help but I know the feeling and I only have that every now and then!

13 months between mine - we had to take the base of the crib and put it up on the kitchen work top - DS1 liked to poke eyes and put things in DS2s mouth, he was a fair bit younger than your DS1 though so it was harder to explain, better just to limit contact!

I haven't got any tips I'm afraid but watching as I have a 17 month age gap.

I have 2.7yo twins and a 6wk old. I'm fairly relaxed about it but do have ground rules. Gentle hugs/kisses only. They are not allowed to get into the bouncey chair but can kiss him when in it (it has an arch of toys which helpfully limits their access). I'm not too concerned about cuddles when I'm feeding as I'm in control then. Sometimes I sit on an inaccessible armchair to get some peace! I figure baby will let them know if they are too rough and I don't want the baby to be a negative. They have had enough chance recently (nanny leaving, starting nursery 3 mornings, me recovering from c section)

I've got 17mths between mine and found having the baby out of reach was the easiest option. Carrycot on the dining table worked for a while. And we got a playpen - which worked for a while too.

It was nerve wracking at the start but the novelty wears off and babies are surprisingly robust! I figured you couldn't put the eldest off toouch if the were showing affection - better that than them trying to hit etc.

Mine are now 5 and 22mths and it's much easier. Haven't had a finger in an eye for a while, toddler does still occasionally stick her fingers in the baby's mouth which isn't great, but the pair of the clearly love each other to bits and the toddler is the baby's number one source of entertainment.

Thanks for the ideas everyone. I am keen that they get to know one another, and we are happy to support this Fugg. I am trying very hard to avoid asking DS1 to leave the baby alone, which I think was really the basis for asking for advice to avoid needing so.

I have tried setting out a few very clear guidelines today, including telling DS1 that he can kiss DS2 when I'm feeding, but he needs to stand nicely and kiss his head gently, and that we don't touch baby when he's in the Moses basket/ bouncer chair. I wouldn't mind so much but DS1 is very strong, big for his age and inclined to be very boisterous. We have also cleared a space in a corner for the playmat, so that DH or I can make a physical, but not obvious barrier between the boys.

It is really not that I want to stop DS1 being affectionate , but that we want a way of ensuring that DS1 doesn't accidentally cause any harm or distress through his affection.

A word of warning be careful how hard you are now that baby is assaulting the toddler he expects punishments to work both ways. Hard to enforce a naughty chair on a non moving 8 month old !