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Parenting

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Original poster

feeling pressured to leave baby

32 replies

pennylilian · 21/09/2015 11:13

I am having a bit of trouble specifically with baby's granny on his dad's side. She is putting a lot of pressure on me to go out and leave my little boy (10 weeks) a lot, it started with asking over and over if I wanted to go out to the pub, I've never been one for going out drinking and now is not the time I want to start, to the other day suggesting I go on holiday for a week and leave my baby here with her. I'm getting frustrated now that she's not listening to me, I don't like leaving my baby even with my own mum, it's not about them I just want to be with him and I'm not ready. It's causing me to not want to be around his family at all, I feel that they aren't listening to anything I say and he's my child. I'm not sure what I can do because I don't want to upset my partner by saying they are being unreasonable. Am I being over the top? It's driving me mad.

OP posts:

Original poster

pennylilian · 22/09/2015 15:05

thankyou so much everyone! It's really good to know you aren't alone in feeling a certain way.

I know no one can physically take my baby from me but it's all the pressure on me to not breast feed and leave him. I'll stick to my guns! Just wish it wasn't happening so we could all enjoy our time together a bit more.

OP posts:

ALongTimeComing · 22/09/2015 19:30

I would love to know where the idea of 'having' babies overnight started? Why so many grandparents think this is a good idea?

Original poster

pennylilian · 22/09/2015 21:24

It's just a selfish thing I guess. They aren't thinking of anyone else. I get the feeling they want to be able to tell everyone how well they take care of them on their own?

I do think the whole 'it's good for you to have me time' is never really the true reason they want to do it, especially when they keep persisting after we've said no thanks.

Like it's been said - they are still too young to understand and I would actually be a lot more stressed leaving my baby. But it's in one ear and out the other.

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ohthegoats · 22/09/2015 22:07

It's weird isn't it! Same here with my MIL. Over the weekend she was here (she does one day childcare a month, comes down for that day and stays the weekend), had lots of wine on the first night and repeatedly said 'I want to steal your baby... not steal.. but steal.. for a night or two so you can go away for a weekend'.

Erm, no... not when you use those words. And not when you're drunk.

She kept going on and on about how my daughter will be fine with her/them, how much she loves spending time with them etc (she does, this is a good thing), but the more she insists on this in a weird way, the more I'm going to pull against it. Can't help it.

I've booked my mum to have her for one night for my birthday at the end of January. We won't leave until she's gone to bed, and we'll probably be back before lunch the next day. Even that seems a bit long. She'll be 15 months at that point.

Dixiechick17 · 22/09/2015 22:31

My DH had a go at his Mum as she said I didn't trust her, was taking DD off her when she cried and wouldn't leave them to babysit. She had also offered an overnight, I told her that I wasn't ready and was breastfeeding. DH said it's our first child, she was only ten weeks old at the time, and if we want to tend to her when she cries then we bloody well would as it is an instinct to do that being her parents.

She'd only just met them as well, so wasn't familiar with them. I'd ignore her and keep doing what you're doing, don't let it get to you, as long as DH us on your side then just ignore it.

Oh and there are family members of mine that I won't ask to babysit due to them believing in the cry it out method, do what's right for you and makes you feel comfortable.

YBR · 25/09/2015 14:01

Have a conversation with your DH, and ask him to explain quietly to his DM how she's making you feel. Try and tackle it from a positive angle, acknowledging that the is a generational issue of different expectations.
Perhaps along the lines "I admit we may be PFB, but we know BF is best for your DGC. On that basis we're not ready for your kind offers. The fact that you keep bringing it up is getting awkward/uncomfortable ..."

My mum was stunned at some of the things we did, and somewhat disgusted at how long I BF DD2, but was only a little pushy about it so it wasn't too hard. I did have to keep telling her the best advice had moved on in the decades since she had babies!

Caterina99 · 25/09/2015 22:06

Leaving the baby for a week to go on holiday is completely ridiculous, but the offer to watch him for an hour or so isn't, and is (probably) well meaning. Obviously if you're not comfortable with it then don't, but I have a 3 month old and very much enjoyed my trip to shops and coffee by myself while mil babysat. I couldn't leave him overnight as I'm breastfeeding and I'm lucky that my family respect that and have never asked. Maybe you could build up to her babysitting for a few hours by letting her take him for a walk or watch him in your house while you take a bath etc. that way you might feel more happy about it. It's fine though if you don't want to either, they're only babies for a short time!

(Obviously I'm different from you though as I legged it out the house as fast as possible to enjoy my hours of freedom and already have her scheduled in for next week too)

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