My 2.5 yo DS behaves awfully with me/hits me etc - mostly fine with others!

[fourlegstwolegs]

He's been getting more aggressive, now hitting me several times per day. Usually only when he wants something and I don't do it, but more often now he just does it for fun, with a demonic grin on his face. He will also tell me what to do and then start screaming if I don't do it - everything from which direction to drive down a road to screaming at me to open the curtains if I just shut them. He also throws things with force against the walls, on the table etc if he is feeling frustrated.
I have tried ignoring the hitting (doesn't work), have tried reasoning with him, explaining that its not kind, and have tried the naughty step and putting him in his cot. The threat of going to his cot does often stop him hitting me.
My mother tells me there's an underlying cause and that I need to send him to a psychologist!
With everyone else he is lovely, although at nursery he will occasionally try to hit someone (once per week/fortnight). They use positive reinforcement.
I have number two due in Jan and am terrified his behaviour will get even worse then. He will be 3....
Any feedback would be great....

Hi I'm not sure how much help I can be but my son (similar age) went through a phase of disliking me and being mean to me - telling me to go away and that he didn't like me etc. He wasn't hitting but maybe the same underlying "cause" if it's just with you. I read many articles and the feelings are normal and often a sign of a secure relationship/testing boundaries. I would usually ignore the behavior if possible. However, with violence we use "thinking time" so we give a warning at the first occurance and then if the behavior continues put him on thinking time for 2 mins (suggested/used at nursery). he's good in that he stays where we put him (facing a wall or something) but if he's really angry maybe you would need to put him somewhere secure. I found the most important thing was following through always - some days he is getting warnings/thinking times all the time and it is so wearing that I often want to just give up but if I continue then the next day he is always better behaved. it lasts for a long time until he starts testing the boundaries again. Most often now the threat of thinking time/a warning is enough to stop him. If there is no punishment or consequence for the behavior then there's nothing to stop him continuing it I guess.

Sometimes if he is having a tantrum about something ridiculous (i.e. the curtains in your example) I would just ignore him and walk away rather than bothering with warnings etc.

I hope that is some help. The only other thing I might think about is whether he is using enough energy or are there particular times of the day e.g. when he's tired. My son's behavior is worse in early evening and he;s more likely to have breakdowns.

Good luck!

The threat of going to his cot does often stop him hitting me.

Use it then. And if he doesn't stop then actually do it. That way he'll learn that there are consequenses for bad behaviour.

I would probably ignore screaming. They do it for attention, and trying to reason with them gives them exactly that. If it bothers you too much you could use the cot too. But I wouldn't ignore violent bahaviour, he has to learn that it's unacceptable under any circumstances.

Thanks - and yes he is generally much worse in the afternoons - 3-7pm being the worst! (post nap) It was really getting me down and I was very upset and crying the other day - especially when no one else sees it and therefore they cant empathise.

I also got v upset when my son was mean to me, even though logically I know he loves me, him refusing to let me near him and not giving me a hug in the morning and running to my partner to give hugs and kisses really hurt! It's ok to feel sad and upset just try not to let him see - as CarrotPuff said, it's for attention so rising to it doesn't help. Except with violent behavior. It can feel very lonely when you are the only one who does it. My dh tried to be nice but I snapped at him a few times (not when DS was there).