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Parenting

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Is it me !

9 replies

Barley1979 · 14/09/2015 19:31

Where do I start, I have never posted on any site , only seen Facebook through friends, twitter and Instagram have me lost! But I feel really lost today so where best to get advice about school then here . First a bit of back story as I believe it's relevant, my wife and I adopted our little girl aged 18 months, she was born 13 weeks prem , weighed just over a pound and spent the first six months of her life in intensive care, she was then tube fed until she was 2 1/2 until we weened her off that and onto baby food, she was diagnosed with developmental delay and we were told of all the possible things that she may develop as she gets older , but we believed that with the right environment and support she could flourish. She is now six and boy has she flourished. She attends regular school goes to rainbows and swimming class and is now asking to join a martial arts club, she is still tiny and is still under several hospital departments such as physio, speech and language , occupational therapy etc. she started year 1 last year and struggled to say the least, her concentration just wasn't there, she has always been stubborn but with what's happened in her short little life who wouldn't be( I also believe this stubborn streak is why she's still alive. ) Which led to some issues but with several meetings with the school who eventually understood , support was put in place to help her and the school. The last four months at school had been much better and an improvement had been noted by all parties. This year she started year 2 and apart from one small hic-cup she settled in really well and seemed to be enjoying school. Well today amazed me, we left for school as usual for our morning chat when a boy in the same class came up to her In front of me and his mom and called her " a little s### head " I was shocked. I remained calm and said to his mom excuse me but your boy has just swore at my daughter , she gave a shrug of her shoulders and walked away, I said excuse me but I'm talking to you and she then turned around and yelled " i will deal with it" no apology to my daughter or anything. I went to the school spoke to the headmistress and teacher as I thought this was for the best, on my way home the mom stared at me in her car giving the daggers as she drove past me , I did stare back a bit juvenile I know but I was cross, she then pulled up beside me , wound her window down , and said she doesn't appreciate being shouted at, I replied that I hadn't shouted and asked her if she thought that it was ok for a six year old to verbally abuse another six year old , and I said that I found it and her attitude disgusting, I did lose my cool a little and I regret saying that if he repeats it or hurts my daughter in anyway I would be having further words, at no point though did I raise my voice or anything like that. I went to the school this afternoon to collect my daughter and speak to the head and teacher to see what had been done, only for the deputy head to inform me that the boys mom had said that I'd hit her car and shouted at her and intimidated her! I couldn't believe my ears. I informed the deputy head that if that's true the police should be called. How could I have hit anyone's car window when she drove past me stopped and wound her passenger window down to shout at me! I'm at a loss of what to do, I've never encountered anything like this before, I don't want to make things worse but I also don't want my name being besmirched by a liar

OP posts:
Indecisivedad · 14/09/2015 19:41

It sounds like the mother of the child that swore at yours is highly embarrassed and has transferred these negative emotions to you because she refuses to admit that her own son is a brat. It sounds like you've been a brilliant parent under massively difficult circumstances and this person could also be jealous of your (perceived to her) superior parenting skills too.

Barley1979 · 14/09/2015 19:45

Thank you for your reply, I was genuinely shocked to be accused like that, I was thinking of going into school to reiterate the truth but I don't want to make things worse, our daughter has had a tough enough start to school life without this

OP posts:
Indecisivedad · 14/09/2015 19:50

Yeah, probably let it lie. You both know the truth, however if she accuses you again look into getting her done for slander.

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Barley1979 · 14/09/2015 19:59

Probably for the best, just amazes me what some peoples standards are

OP posts:
featherandblack · 14/09/2015 20:19

If it was me I would write a very calm, factual, brief account of what happened and hand it to the principal. Your account sounds very credible and underlines the trouble your DD is having with this child - good to have that on file. I would avoid this woman though. Don't give her any more chances to lie. Best thing would have been to have avoided her and stuck to raising it with the teacher.

featherandblack · 14/09/2015 20:19

Your DD is so lucky to have you by the way!

BathshebaDarkstone · 14/09/2015 20:23

Words fail me. Shock

Barley1979 · 14/09/2015 20:36

I understand that speaking to the mother was a bad decision but I genuinely expected the mother to turn around apologise, deal with the boy, no huge deal really, but I was disgusted by the attitude and upset that my daughter could be verbally abused in this way on her way to school. If it was the other way round I would have been mortified and would have apologised profusely and explained to my daughter what is expected of her and what is not acceptable

OP posts:
WombOfOnesOwn · 14/09/2015 22:57

Consider the possibility: this mom and her son may be being subjected to an abusive man in the house. When I taught children near this age, kids who used those kinds of sweary insults at other children were commonly hearing them from their fathers, often before beatings. The mother may have been embarrassed or could even be experiencing the frozen shock and horror of PTSD flashbacks, caused by realizing she would have to "cover up" the reason for her son's misbehavior. Her sudden notion that you were shouting and aggressive toward her could easily have been a triggered response.

This doesn't mean your DD has to accept this kind of behavior from this boy. Just...be aware that there could always be things going on behind the scenes that you're not privy to, and that a lot of times "crazy" reactions have their basis in something going on at home.

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