Reassurance

[milkyman]

m 40, have one 3 yr old ds and am 9 weeks. Was a shock as hadnt decided to have another. Feeling utterly traumatised. Had a horrific birth and 1st year was awful. I love my toddler now but the thought of putting myself through it all again... especially now i am 40. Life was getting better.

I see the MW tomorrow and dont know what to say - i feel so selfish. Not sure i can go through with it but not sure i could cope with other option. I read all these excited posts and wish i could be excited. Is a 3.5 gap a good one. Is a 2nd baby less of a shock?

Three and a half year gap is a really good one. Your child is old enough to really enjoy the role and be genuinely helpful. It will enrich his life forever, immeasurably. I do think it's a lot easier the second time around. But don't feel selfish, you don't have to want to be a mum again.

HI I'm pregnant with my second and can sympathise with the first year comment - there were good times but I remember it being so hard and dreading it slightly! Your emotions are all valid - you have to do what's right for you but most people say the 2nd one is easier. That's what I'm hoping anyway! Good luck with your decisions.

I understand where you're coming from. I also have a 3 year old and decided not to have another; had horrible birth and hospital stay, suffered since. If I were to find myself pregnant again I'd cry, not sure if I can do it and not sure I would cope with other option. You really need to talk to someone about it.
I have heard people say the 2nd is easier, you know what you're doing etc. but then there's the dread that it may happen again. Every birth is different, it may very well be a whole lot better this time. Sorry I can't add much, just wanted to say you're not alone with how you feel.
How did it go today?