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My son never likes to be held?

9 replies

WinterForest · 12/09/2015 16:57

Almost from after the first week of his life he always started crying whenever I held him (or if anyone held him). I always read stories of babies who never want to be put down for one second, but my son is the total opposite. When he got a bit older (maybe at 6 months) if I held him he would start arching his back and flipping around if I held him even for 1 minute :( Now he's 10 months and he STILL doesn't like to be held. He gets grumpy and crawls away and struggles (is this normal?) It's not just me he seems to do this with everyone.

Another weird thing is that he never ever liked being swaddled and he hates being strapped down in any way. He just squirms a lot. We have an exosaucer (that seat where a baby can stand up and play) and he actually crawls right out of it! The home nurse said she's never seen a baby get out of one of those things. My son has always seemed deadset on being "free"! I'm not going to lie this makes things easier when it comes to bed time or putting him down to play while I go and do chores. He doesn't cry. Usually when he sleeps he just wants me to leave the vicinity completely if I hold him he gets angry. I literally have to see his tired que and put him in the crib and not even stroke his back...nothing...I can't even touch him otherwise he will cry. He only sleeps if I leave him be :/

The difficult things about this behaviour is that I sometimes just want to cuddle him. He doesn't mind being carried if I am just moving him or if I tickle him, he laughs, but if it has anything to do with me sitting with him in my arms, he gets REALLY squirmy. The only cuddling I manage with him is if I put him on the bed and let him crawl all over me. He's only happy if he's moving. :P

Is this normal? Whenever I see other babies they just seem to melt in their mother's arms, but my son, from day 1 almost...has never been like this. He's always "hyper". He loves to get out of things :( It's always made me wonder.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Alfieisnoisy · 12/09/2015 17:00

Oh gosh that's hard.

My DS was always a big wriggler and didn't like being held when awake as he wanted to be active. However as soon as he was tired he wanted cuddling.

Have you spoken to your GP or HV about this?

tipple · 12/09/2015 17:03

One of mine was just the same. He hated being held or cuddled. Now he's at high school he's lovely and affectionate though so there is hope!

tipple · 12/09/2015 17:08

I remember he would launch himself from his bumbo and wriggle and of his high chair. He also did that flinging himself backwards thing when being held.
My DH was convinced he must have some underlying issue and naught books on adhd. He's just fine though.

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Mulligrubs · 12/09/2015 17:17

My son was like this. Hated sleeping on anyone from birth, never been cuddled to sleep apart from maybe twice when ill. When he started rolling he was off and hated being held even more! When he could crawl at about 6/7 months he would squirm away from me, then he started properly walking at 12 months and wouldn't even sit in the pushchair, he would be in his reins and walking ahead. He started running that month too, he just wanted to get going!

In my son's case it was just that he is a very physical child - he will not sit still, he never would. He is more affectionate now he is 23 months old but until maybe 18 months he would run away from a cuddle. Now he will come up to me for a cuddle, he will approach me for a big kiss, he will snuggle watching TV for 5 minutes then run off again. He has just always enjoyed exploring the world and he has been much more content since he has walked.

Don't take it to heart OP, your baby loves and adores you, he is just not a snuggly baby. That's OK and it is normal! Sounds to me like he's very like my son, he just wants to be on the go - he has no time for cuddles because he wants to explore. As he gets older and can walk I bet you he will become more cuddly with you Smile give him cuddles when you can to demonstrate affection but try not to make it a battle - one day he will crawl or run to you with open arms for a cuddle and an open mouth for a big kiss and it will be amazing. Like many parents though you're just having to wait a bit longer for it.

KissingFish · 12/09/2015 17:22

Our son was like this, I agree, nap bed time is easy but sometimes you want to cuddle them. He's 16 months old now and has just suddenly started wanting cuddles, it's super cute and he'll bum shuffle over to anyone and cuddle them. Hopefully your little guy will want some cuddles in his own time.

ApplesTheHare · 13/09/2015 08:41

My DD is 1 and quite like your son. She's mostly always preferred to be off having her own adventure to being held or cuddled. She will let us carry her up and down stairs, and doesn't seem to mind being held when she wakes up from a nap but other than that just struggles and wants to get down. I've 'taught' her to cuddle by cuddling her soft toys and she finds that really amusing, so now she'll walk up to us, lean her head on us and then walk straight off, and to her that's cuddling. I'm hoping she properly gets it one day but who knows Grin

WinterForest · 14/09/2015 20:02

I'm glad to know this is normal :) Yeah he's never been a big cuddler. He loves exploring constantly (even while I'm carrying him to another room lol). He still arches his back. I am starting to realize it depends on how I hold him. If I hold him in the traditional baby position (like in a cradling position) he really hates it. He arches his back and sometimes even gets angry! It's kind of funny in a way like he is saying "I'm not a baby anymore!" :P If I hold him so that he's straight up with his back facing me he talks (not sure why) and if I hold him straight up him facing me he stares at me and pulls my hair lol...but no cuddling as of yet. He doesn't like sitting on my lap what-so-ever. :( Oh well I guess I will have to "teach" him cuddling :P

OP posts:
ApplesTheHare · 14/09/2015 21:08

Oh God DD goes crazy if we try and cradle her or sit her on our lap, arches her back and is desperate to be put down to run around. She sat on her grandpa's lap today for the first time but only because be got an iPad out and let her play on a baby app. She is OK being carried room to room on one hip or with her back to us but still balanced on hip with just one arm under hers. Try teaching him the cuddling thing with a soft toy, it means we get some 5-second moments where she comes and rests her head on our arms/legs/whatever before moving onto the next adventure. Still not sure she's entirely understood the concept as she spent teatime pressing pieces of pasta to her head like she does when cuddling a teddy Confused

ttrrii · 06/10/2021 19:56

@WinterForest How is your son doing now? Liking cuddles? :)

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