2yr old and baby terrible night help!

[Barbamamama]

Hi everyone! I have a nearly 2 1/2 yr old and a 4 month old. My 2 yr old's normal pattern is to sleep 7- 5 then get in our bed have some milk and go back to sleep till 7ish, he is in a separate room but it is joined to our room so just a door separating us.
As the baby is in with us I have been reluctant to do any kind of controlled crying, and have been worried about him feeling left out. But this slippery slope has lead to us pandering to him in fear of him waking the baby and the last few nights he has ended up in our bed from 11pm and waking up when I'm doing night feeds with the baby and getting jealous.
Last night they kept waking each other up and setting each other off and we are all exhausted.
He is still in a cot with the bars up and we are a bit terrified of putting him in a 'big boys bed' as we want him to be sleeping through first. He also still has milk in a bottle. I feel like he's been put on hold since the baby got here and we need a clean slate and a new night time plan but we're so exhausted it feels unachievable.
We're going on holiday for a week next week so i was thinking when we get back it would be a good time to have a new system at nights. Baby in with him? Him in a new bed? All suggestions welcome! Help!

Put him in his own bed by all means, but what about a bed for him beside your bed until he feels more secure. It could be a put-up one that you could use later for visitors. At least you would not get kicked and might get some sleep.
I would put the baby in his own room as he isn't jealous. You can put a baby alarm under the baby if you are worried. I know the rule is the baby should be with you until it is 6 months old but you can have a movement alarm.

Then include a baby alarm on your side of the bed. On the other side to the temporary bed so hopefully it would only wake you and you could creep out to BF.

At least you might manage to get some sleep. When things improve you can remove the temporary bed. Believe me things WILL improve. There are not many 18 year old still sleeping with their Mums.
Meanwhile the aim is to get some sleep and reassure your DS and make him feel happier.
I remember reading Kate McCann's account of the loss of Madelaine. She said Madelaine used to come into her room when she had the twins and they always returned her to her own room. The saddest thing to read was her saying' if only I had Madelaine back I would just cuddle her and be so glad she was with us safe with me and Gerry in our bed.

Your two and half year old is only a baby himself. He is too young to plot as in, how can I keep everyone awake tonight' he is just responding to something that has disturbed his world.

You must be so tired, you poor thing. Hugs