Husband being USELESS!!!! HELP!!!

[MumToBe2015R]

Had LO Emerg C-section 4weeks ago. DH was great for the first week. But then my wound got infected and I was admitted in to hospital for a further 4days. But since we have been home from there he's dkne SOD ALL!!

My lovely mum is staying with me because she just feels we need some help with LO! (Cleaning, cooking, looking after me, nights with LO, helping around the house, shopping etc) she's going back to her own place on Tuesday & I really don't no how were going to cope, bcos DH is being useless atm!!!!

My DH has been off for paternity for 2weeks & has now returned to work doing 4hr shifts 5days a week!

But still he is always tired! 5days a week me & mum are doing the nights with LO, and he gets to sleep but I have asked him to at least wake up by 8am so me & my mum can get some rest before he goes to work at 2pm!

But still he seems to get up, and just come & sleep in the living room! So how the hell am I getting rest!

He wants to come home from work, hold LO for abit, then have dinner (which if LO cries or gets cranky he won't leave his food to see to him, that's mine & my mums duty!) he will then have him for abit then go to bed!

Today he's on night duty with me, he only does it 2 days a week so far, and he wants to watch TV until late! So we just have a massive arguement which he swore at me because I told him to switch it off because LO will wake up & I want to sleep! In the end LO woke up & guess what, it was my duty to put him to sleep!

Until today he hasn't steralised LO bottles, he made his feed for the first time today which took him 6 bloody minutes! I mean c'mon how/why has he not already read about how to make it already! He stood there reading the damn box! He's had so many opportunities to do these things but his answer is always 'I'll do it next time!'

As my wound got infected after C-section doctors have said wound needs to be washed (which I shower) but also needs to be cleaned properly with sterile water & gauze daily! Which DH does for me. That's the only bloody thing he does which he also rubs in my face daily about!

I don't no wether I'm being over the top & feel DH is not doing enough or it's just my hormones?!?!

Sorry to go on!!

If I was feeling kind I'd say that it's because your mum is there. I'd say that makes it harder for him to do stuff if he feels as if he might be judged lacking by his mother in law.

Realistically though I'd just tell him that he's being shit and needs to buck up, or you'll just go home with your mum.

"so it isn't some penis related disability"

Goddammit, spat tea everywhere reading that!

Some men need to be mummied. Give him responsibilities. Tell him cleaning and preparing bottles is his responsibility, as is bathing baby and he can get baby to bed every other night. Get him to take over entirely for an hour every day between x and x o clock so that you can get some you time.

Tell him that if you cook, washing up is his responsibility and vise versa.

My fianc?? has been useless since our DD came 4 months ago and we had it out big time and I've learned that he needs to be told to do stuff. I'm breastfeeding so I appreciate that the feeds are mine but there's lots of other things he can do.

I'm sorry you're struggling with him. Some men are shits, not all of them, but some.

Congratulations..
I can understand the frustration as DH does it at time.. He doesn't change DS nappy.. From day one his like no nappies which frustrates me. He helps with the feeds as I exclusively express and does look after him when he comes back from work.. He washes his bottles if I ask him but doesn't sterilise them it's like he doesn't want to understand... DS can be a handful at times and I end up being shattered but he does come home and help..

I fainted after having DS (scared my DH) and since then he has been more supportive or else I think he would of expected me to do everything..

I think I even suffered mild depression as my DS was wanting feeds less than an hour and I was BF and DH couldn't really help but he did cuddle everttime I cried which was really helpful as I use to go mad with frustration..

He also spends forever in the bathroom and also at times he comes home tired and wants to lie down but his always on his phone, if not iPad, if not that then his mac.. How is that lying down.. ??

Update!!

So after having a firm word with DH on Monday, I can see a little improvement. I'm guessing it's going to take time as some said, so I am being very patient. My mum has gone back, so DH is having to do more anyway, which he is BUT only if he is told! Doesn't no how to use his own brain sometimes!

But things are improving I guess I can't have it all my way!!

On the plus side I got a lovely massage from him yesterday WITHOUT asking which was a surprise!

My husband was like this for a bit. It's hard to adjust to the new life of having a baby but him backing away and making you do everything will just make things harder on you and him as well.

What I did. Eventually I had enough! I was sick of being the only one to make all my son's formulas, having to get up 18 times per night to deal with the crying, putting him to bed, bathing him, clothing him, changing all the diapers. I just one day challenged my husband. I said "let's see you make the formula." He went back at me with something like "I work all day, that's women's work" (I'm not even kidding) and it was then I got pretty angry.

I told him "so you can't do something I can do? It's too hard? Do it, I want to see if you can." So he felt challenged I guess and did it. I pretty much kept telling him to try doing certain things for our son (like dirty diapers), buying our son things he needed, feeding him baby food, bathing him.

Now I don't even have to tell him to do any of that. He does it all the time now and he's bonded with our son. He feels confident. He just gets right in there. (He did apologize for how he was acting at first). This is great because now I can trust my husband with my son whenever I need to go out or do other things.

So my advice is to force him to do it. He needs to. He's a parent now, he needs to step up and learn how to take care of his baby.

My husband wakes up for work at 6am and usually works 12 hours per day. At 6am he gives our son breakfast and changes his diapers before work. This has helped me tremendously because usually I'm up until midnight finishing up laundry and making formula and cleaning. I let my husband know how much it helps. He can tell it helps because I act well rested the next day (he knows I get moody if I didn't get enough sleep lol), so him just seeing the help it does is enough for him to do it.

Make sure you say how much it's helped you, he will do it more that way.