nervous about mil babysitting

[kitkat321]

I'm now at the end of my mat leave and going back to work full time.

Dd will be watched by my mum 2 days, my mil 2 days and 1 day in nursery - the plan is to increase her nursery days and only have 1 day with mil.

The thing is though, I really don't want mil to watch her - for a variety of reasons.

Firstly, she smokes and while she doesn't smoke around our daughter I have had to pull her up for coming to our house stinking of smoke - she made a couple of comments about how ridiculous it was etc but now apparently changes her clothes etc before visiting ours.

She's quite a petite woman, doesn't look after herself as she should and as a result is quite weak which worries me as dd is big and boisterous. She's had a drinking problem in the past which is no longer an issue but still niggles at the back of my mind - when dp and his sister were younger they found her passed out from drinking too much and had to take her to hospital.

My main concern is just how well she will look after dd and her ability to follow simple instructions as when ever she's watched her in the past she's made stupid mistakes - not making up her bottle properly (not enough formula powder in the bottle), using a unsterilized bottle (despite their being sterilised ones available). Forgetting to give her lunch when we'd asked her to. Nothing overly serious but both the above could have made lo ill.

Dp just doesn't seem to get it - thinks it will all be fine and if I do complain that she's made mistakes he seems to think I'm just being moany and he doesn't bother to raise the issue with her.

I'm now imagining all sorts of worrying scenarios and dreading leaving my baby with her - dd loves her and it's not that I don't want her to spend time with her I just have doubts over her ability to care for my child!

Am I being unreasonable? How to I best handle this.

If you use free childcare you do have to accept you can't be in control. It sounds like she's doing what you ask e.g. changing clothes even though she doesn't think it's necessary so she's not trying to go up against you.

About the milk issue: How old is your DD? Have you had a full 12 months leave? If she is a year you can move her to cow milk and not worry about formula any more, if she is younger then perhaps buy some of the cartons of single serving ready made formula just for MIL days? Obviously expensive but much cheaper than a nursery place! Unless your MatLeave has been very short and DD is still only a few weeks old I wouldn't worry quite so much about the using a non-sterilised bottle - if she's crawling she's getting all kinds of crap in her mouth anyway and so long as the bottles and teats haven't been sat in the warm for ages with milk going mouldy in them it's probably OK. The sterilisation is really really important in early weeks but by the time they are 1 they can use a sippy cup that never goes in the steriliser and that's not a change that happens suddenly on their first birthday.

maybe set up a baby cam to help you feel less anxious and proof to show dp if needed.