Help.....13 Week old constantly likes being held

[Racheyg]

hi all, going slightly crazy here..........
My 13 week old ds2 hates to be put down, and refuses to sleep.

The evening time is not so bad as oh is here to cuddle him ect but during the day I have ds1 to think of and he won't even let me put him down on his mat, in his swing and has even started fussing in the slight too :(
It's really getting me down as poor ds1 is getting really effected by this and is naughty just to get my attention. Ds2 will only nap on me or oh but it's very rare to get him to nap more than an hour during the day, and the only way I manage it is to feed him to sleep.
Oh thinks he would settle if he had a bottle of fm during the day but I'm not so sure and feel bad giving him a bottle when a. I am feeding him well and b. I'm just giving it to him for a "rest".
Bit of info 9lb 14 at birth, ebf on demand roughly every hours/hour and half now weighs 11lb 2 after dropping 12% have had thrush treated and latch checked no diagnosed tongue tie.

I don't mean to moan as I have two beautiful healthy boys but this whole thing with ds2 is very difficult (cannot go for a wee without holding him) ds1 was so different went 3hrs naturally between feeds, and settled himself into a good routine,

Any help advice greatly appreciated xx

Aw how difficult for you have you tried a sling? or I find leaving the house lots to go places helps me to cope as it doesn't seem so bad to me then!

and well done on bf . a bottle of formula could affect your supply so early on, persevere - you can get through this tricky bit, just some babies are fussier than others and bf/formula won't change their personalities!

Hi chumbler, yes I have an ergo baby. I have to catch him at the right time, as sometimes he just screams if he is in it. Other times he will last an hour or so but I have to constantly be on the move for him to stay calm.

I really feel like I'm failing with this as everyone is saying "why is he not in a routine" "he can't be hungry he has only just finished feeding" "if he has a bottle he will settle" "give him a dummy" I get call a martyr as I don't listen and just keep bf when he whimpers after him only just coming off the breast.

At present ds2 has been feeding an hour and is back on the breast as I put him back in his Moses basket and he screamed uncontrollably :(

I FF and my baby fed every hour or two for Six months, it was brutal. Never napped. I cannot imagine doing it with a toddler, so hats off to you.

Every day I would thinks 'today is the day I get her into a routine', ha! She would ne feel to three hours between feeds and ne'er slept when she was supposed to.

It's quite normal at this stage to not want to be put down and to feed frequently.

FF won't solve your problem of frequent feeding necessarily, but it does mean you can take turns with your DH, or someone can take the baby from you so you can focus on the toddler.

ooh I think I misread the age, 13 weeks you could use a bottle IF YOU want to! try not to listen to anyone else. baby is healthy and growing so you're doing just fine! my baby is still like this now at 5 months, going out really helps me to "space out feeds" (not deliberately, but it just seems to be much easier as things and people to distract DD) so that really helps me.

or if you had any time you could express so someone else can feed baby?

also is your baby always like this? my DD has days where she's worse about every two weeks because of growth spurts

At 13 weeks it's not surprising he doesn't want to be put down. He's still not been in the outside world as long as he was in your tummy.

It's cold, it's noisy especially with your toddler and his tummy isn't automatically filled. Some babies find it harder to adjust.

DS hated the Ergo when he was newborn, much preferred a half-wrap. It'd be worth finding out if you have a local sling library. They could also show you how to feed in it.

If he's putting on weight, then there's no need to give him formula. It's a myth that it makes them sleep better. Introduce a bottle if YOU want to, but don't feel pressured to. As Chumbler says, I find going out during the day naturally spaces out the feeds. And there's nothing wrong with feeding him to sleep either - it's the way most of the world does it! There's too much 'rod for your back' nonsense thrown at parents now. You do whatever baby needs so you can all 3 get on with your day.

A tip I read somewhere was to make breastfeeding a nice time for your toddler as well by reading a book with them whilst baby feeds.

Oh already feeds ds2 a bottle of bm
At 23.00 before sleeping. So I have no problems expressing, it's just finding the time :) ah yes growth spurts how long do they last?

Yes he has always wanted to be held but it's getting worse. I guess I just have to ride it out.

It is absolutely fine to give him a bottle if you want a break. DS had one nightly from 8 weeks which worked well for us. I'm still feeding him at nine months and he has the odd bottle when I'm out.

Have you considered co-sleeping. He could feed and you could doze.

It's really tough with a toddler. I've been there. I second going out. Will he settle in his pram if you keep moving? Lots of walks with the toddler and park etc. Is there an ok soft play nearby where the toddler can play without you having to clamber around too.

You aren't failing at all. It's hard. I look back on having one and wonder what I thought was so difficult!

Sympathising, my DS was like that and it was a bit of a shock after laid-back DD. He still prefers to be held at 7m but will sit and play for a little while so I get a bit of a rest! Things that helped us are:

• Co-sleeping - DD was never bothered about sleeping in her Moses basket but DS hated it. We co-sleep to maintain some sanity!
• DS was a frequent, snacky BF-er but since starting solids he's decided he is a fan and has cut down his feeds to maybe 5/6 a day. He's never had a bottle as I'm not very good at expressing, but if I was he would have done.
• Try a sling library. Am I right in assuming he's in the infant insert in your Ergo based on his weight? Both of mine hated that with a passion but both have loved the Ergo without it once they were big enough. DS used a Moby until he was 4/5 months and that saved my sanity (once I had the hang of putting it on it was easy).

Good luck! It will get better.

thanks guys,
we do get out before the summer ds1 went to toddler group on tues morning, nursery on wed and tumble tots on thurs and little kickers on sat. but apart from nursery everything has finished till sept. we do go to the park daily and soft play when i have my sister with me. its a shame the weather is so on and off at the moment.

i will have to look into co sleeping as i dont know enough about it

he is in the infant insert but he is very long and his head is nearly under my chin due to my short body :)

DS1 has had a huge melt down this morning as I wouldnt let him have his own way ie iphone, biscuit, ice pole :(

By that age my bf dd had a dummy and it was a godsend ..calmed her down and I could deal with toddler . It had no impact on bf....I still fed on demand it just kept her calm when I needed to do other things !

I could have written your exact post 6 months ago. Ds2 is getting a bit easier now at 10 months but still very clingy with me. Don't have much advice, just hugs, it is really wearing. I was lucky in that ds2 has been at nursery 3 days, so getting plenty of stimulation there, and family have been amazing, both helping with ds1 and taking ds2 out for walks in the buggy to give me some quality time with ds1. It's so hard though. I am still bf, but hoping it might get better when I stop and that isn't an option for him any more / I don't smell of milk... I didn't give formula earlier either - kept telling myself it's just a relatively short phase and did whatever necessary to get everyone maximum sleep but in hindsight maybe it would have made him a bit less fixated on boob and me... Who knows???!!! The other thing that helped... Lots of cake and the odd glass of wine

Oops, ds1 is in nursery... Ds2 will be going soon when I go back to work pt -and get to go to the loo by myself again sometimes-