When did you know whether or not you wanted a second?

[kitkat321]

I'm the lucky mother of the most adorable 9 month old girl. She's a darling but by god she's hard work - how I miss that early baby stage where they just sleep and eat!!

I've spent today packing away some of her baby toys that she's outgrown and was swithering as to whether or not to sell or store them.

Some days, I think I'd love another - ideally when lo is 2 1/2 to 3 but I'm almost 34 so might have to try a bit sooner. Other days, when lo is having one of her more difficult days, I think that there is no way I could cope with two. My dh struggles more with the lack of sleep than I do and he's not 100% bought into having another.

People also tell you different things, some say best to try for another before the first hits the terrible two's and puts you off, others say wait until the first is older and more self sufficient.

To those that did choose to have a second, when did you know for sure you wanted another? And for those who decided to stick with just one, do you ever regret it or are you happy with your decision?

I always knew I wanted two and that never changed despite an ectopic, fertility probs, severe pre-eclampsia and a very prem DC1.

Part of it depends on the individual children though. DC1 was very easy and never had terrible twos - his twos were terrific. So that meant we didn't have concerns about coping with a second. There is a 2 year 7 month age gap between him and his sister, and while it's not easy, it's certainly manageable. Although I am permanently sleep-deprived.

I have a DS who is coming up to 9 months. He is a very easy baby - sleeps well, eats well, not been ill, easy-going, happy, sociable, but the energy! He is crawling and standing up aganst furniture and pulling himself alonga step if he can lean on it. He is everywhere.

I am 36 (so is DH) and he is our first. DH would like me to be pregnant already as he has plans for at least 3 he says

But I don't think I could have another one for at least another couple of years. I am going back to work in December and I think we will find it even harder then.

Also, I want DS to have time for him and not have to share us too soon.

But then I think about my age and disrupting my career again and I just don't know.

I mean I just don't know if we should just do it now and get it all over with and be able to plan or if we should wait.

I should say we had two under two and although it wasn't easy - it wasn't as hard as I'd imagined. There's 23 months between the girls and my older daughter started to consistently sleep later when I was about six months. And I've been lucky my second daughter is a good sleeper too - she wakes maybe 1/2 times a night but is breastfed so goes back to sleep easily. She's also hugely more chilled out than her big sister and is just happy to come along for the ride most of the time. I appreciate we have had it easier than most because she's not been colicky/had slept well etc but you never know what you'll be given with a second child. First was a LOT of work in the early days and we were prepared for that again (plus the start of the terrible twos) but it's been very sedate on both fronts. And they absolutely adore one another and we've yet to see jealousy issues - I think in part because the baby has always been 'around' for my oldest because we wanted to really involve her in the pregnancy as much as her age would allow.

Good luck with whatever you choose!!

Almost 34 ... don't worry unless there's fertility issues in your family. Most women are fine till 40 albeit trying for slightly longer. The "cliff" thing is badly reported sensationalist stuff.

I had extremely poor health and a recurrent MC problem before my 1st so am really in 2 minds. If I knacker my body for a second, that's 2 kids with a mum who can neither keep up with them nor potentially work. I know people with ill/disabled parents and it was tough for them, would risking it (may well be fine) be utterly reckless??

I couldn't decide because Dh is an only and I have a terrible nc relationship with my sibling and don't get on with step siblings either.

Dd took 5 years and an mc to conceive. I'm 37 and Dh is 40.

Dd is 11 months old. We decided to let fate do the talking. I'm nearly 14 weeks pregnant again after a difficult pg and an emcs. It was a massive shock after having fertility issues before.

Don't like the idea of dd being lonely and decided as a parent I wouldn't tolerate siblings having the relationship I do with mine I can learn a lot from that and most people with small age gaps cope.just hope I can!

I hadn't got round to tidying everything away when I found out I was pg again. I'm also really glad we got unisex toys and equipment.

Absolutely no more after this though.

Always knew we wanted two, and DS2 was born 7 weeks ago. His brother is 22 months. I found DS1 really hard work because he never slept, and I wanted to get through the baby stage ASAP so we started ttc when he turned 1.

Despite a tricky start with DS2 and that fact that looks like I have another non sleeper, I am already broody for a third. Ideally would leave it a bit longer and wait till DS2 is 3, however DH is late 40s and thinks he is too old for another. So we may end up stopping at two.

I wanted three before we even started having children. Took five years to conceive DS. As soon as he was born, even though we were in newborn hell, we started ttc the next one (took three years and a miscarriage).

This will be my last baby though, I'm feeling too old for another one and I'd like not to be paying nursery fees for years and years and years again.

As soon as dc1 was born I was ready to start trying for another.

Dc2 is now 4yrs and it's only the last year that I've stopped feeling so broody.

I had a horrible pregnancy and dd is one and still not sleeping through. Ive said since being pregnant that I wanted to stop at one, but in reality I'd never say never. Ideally I'd like a big age gap though, at least 4 years.

Always planned to have just the one. I didn't consider anything else when I was pg and dd was a baby. She is 16 now and I've never regretted it, have actively felt pleased with my decisiveness whenever hearing/seeing anyone else's problems with parenting and work/life balance.

We knew for sure when DC1 was 6 mo and we took my 8 yo "only child" cousin to a theme park for the day. She hung around with us and wouldn't go and play, then ordered a pot of tea when we said she could have anything she liked in the cafe . DC2 was born when DC1 was 18 mo.

Sadly DC5 is now 8 and an only, as all her siblings are grown up. She hangs around with us and won't go and play.....

It's a dither isn't it. I never imagined that if I had children, it would be just the one (I've got a brother who I love), but I was 40 when she was born (nearly 41), and other things suddenly seem more important.

We know that we can give one child a 'good' life - lots of opportunity, our time because we can both just afford to work part time, we can afford nursery for one but couldn't for two etc. With one, we can take some time off work completely when she's 4 or 5 to travel for a year, or live abroad learning something together. It's a shame that it's come down to money a bit, but it's also my age. I didn't have a bad pregnancy, but I didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy breastfeeding, and am only now beginning to feel myself (she's 10 months). I'm not sure I can take another year of the same as this last year to be honest. I think the tiredness hits you hard at 40+. Not to mention that I also love my job and am looking forward to getting back to it in part.

I was sort of upset the day we decided not to have another, but within a few hours I was getting excited about the opportunity for fun we'll now have, that would almost certainly not happen with two.

As soon as we had our son, we decided not to have another. Birth was a shock (google shoulder dystocia), we had problems breastfeeding, problems with severe colic until 4.5 months.

DS could turn back-onto-front at 3 months, meaning all nappy changes from then on were a screaming fight! He walked at 8mo3 weeks, ran about a week later (half LOL!) and hasn't stopped since. I still haven't recovered physically or psychologically.

He is now 3.8 and makes the Duracell bunny look like a sloth. Neither DH nor I could even imagine doing it all again with our whirlwind son. We are very happily getting rid of all the baby things (pram went yesterday! YAY!) and looking forward to the next stages of his life.

DH is one of 6, and one of his sisters has a DD 3 months older than DS, they spend a lot of time together and are like siblings.

We have had no second thoughts at all and neither of us 'coo' over newborns and think 'what if...?' .

Everyone is different.

Always wanted two, joked to dh "shall we have another one?" about an hour after dd1 was born but sensibly waited a bit, dd1 is 2.6 and dd2 is 8 weeks. Really happy with the gap.

Thanks for all your replies. At the moment I'm in the "one's enough" camp after a couple of days of dp being a lazy barsteward and me feeling like I already have 2 kids having to pick up his slack.

Maybe in a few years we'll try for another - I'll only be 37 so hopefully it's still possible as I do like the idea of 2 but maybe not too close in age.

I wanted 3 before I had 1 - then I knew I wanted to give him a sibling and thought it would be within 2 years but newborn was hell for me for various reasons. When DS was about 22months I told DH if we didn't crack on soon it wasn't going to happen as my life was well and truly back on its feet...in all honesty I only wanted a second so DS could have a sibling. Took us 6months ish to get pregnant (immediate the second time) so we had a 37month age gap but it turned out perfect for us and DS.

DC are nearly 7 and nearly 4 now, they adore each other and so great with and for each other, it worked out very well for us - so well there is no fear at all about us upsetting the apple cart by introducing a third, despite being constantly told I'm young enough to squeeze in another one (I'm 32 now)

the saying is true - we had our first for ourselves, and our second for our first

immdeiate the first time