Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

Engineering DD's socail life help

12 replies

Hideehi · 26/11/2006 20:36

Thought I'd try over here, DD is a quiet booky type who loves nothing more than drawing and reading. At playtime she's one of the youngest in the class and is bossed around by everyone, she can play but only if she's the boy etc. On Friday she was accused of kicking another girl, she said she didn't but Queen Bee came over and made her cry and then the teacher came over to see what the fuss was about and told them all to play nicely.
The trouble is she only seems to have clicked with one girl and even this child doesn't seem much of a friend, took the other girls side, nearly bust a gut racing to tell me what DD was supposed to have done at home time.
I don't know what to do, I'm really sociable, hubby is, my father was a complete social leper and i'm desperate that won't happen to my daughter but she does seem very like him in other ways, artistic etc. Any thoughts ?
Thank you

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

pointydog · 26/11/2006 20:42

How do you know she's bossed about by everyone every playtime?

Is your dd unhappy? If not, I'd try to relax and wait and see what happens over time.

Original poster

Hideehi · 26/11/2006 20:49

Not unhappy just not happy if that makes sense, she said the other girls are all too bossy that's why she doesn't want to play with them.
What got me worried was we started writing Christmas cards for her friends yesterday and she's written 2 and one for her imaginary friend eeky the squeeky (a mouse) my 4 year old niece wrote 30 and needs more cards.

OP posts:

pointydog · 26/11/2006 20:53

How old is she?

I'd happily go along with what she wants to do. Not everyone fits in with all the conventions of sociability and there's no point you worrying over this if it's not really a problem.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Original poster

Hideehi · 26/11/2006 20:57

6.4 yrs.

There's also the dreaded party issue, she's only been invited to those where the mothers have invited all the girls, any parties where the girls are picking say their 10 best friends she doesn't get a look in.

OP posts:

paddyclamp · 27/11/2006 22:22

Who's Queen Bee?

Original poster

Hideehi · 28/11/2006 09:32

Queen Bee, well there's three of them actually, mean, nasty little darlings who basically cause a lot of trouble in the class but look like butter wouldn't melt.

OP posts:

batters · 28/11/2006 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dara · 28/11/2006 10:13

I would invite girls home for tea so your daughter has a chance to socialise one on one in an environment where she is more confident and you can model good social behaviour for her - ie have tea with the girls and chat with them and pay compliments etc (nothing mad, just, 'that's a lovely t-shirt') and gently praise your daughter in front of the friend too so they both feel good. Set up an activity that they can do together (baking, playing with two dolls, making a collage) Start with the friend she already has, then just invite girls that your daughter is OK with. If your daughter is very sensitive then she may take teasing and rough play more seriously than it is meant. Does she know how to smile, say hello and say people's names etc to start a conversation or invite people to play?
Discourage her from crying at school if possible. She is very young but most children want friends and do better and enjoy school more if they have them so I think you are right to want to help her.

Original poster

Hideehi · 28/11/2006 10:21

TBH this is the one and only time she's ever cried at school, that she's mentioned anyway, she just felt she was being told off by the other girl who's in her class but 11 months older than her.
Anyway she's got an invitation to tea on Monday with another nice girl who i'd like her to join in with (her mothers nice too), so I might set up a few dates for her.
Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it

OP posts:

throckenholt · 28/11/2006 10:39

does she play with the boys ? Maybe she would be better mixing with both and not being reliant on the girls (IME girls can be more bitchy and less straightforward than boys).

Original poster

Hideehi · 28/11/2006 10:42

She does play with the boys and loves Avatar, etc I think that's a good plan too, thanks.

OP posts:

paddyclamp · 28/11/2006 22:38

That's great news about the invite to a nice girl's house.

Don't you just hate those bitchy little madams who are part of the "in crowd". I was never in the in crowd cos the girls were so nasty and catty. Always had lots of friends though, including boys (most of whom steared clear of queen bee types!).

I guess i have all this sort of thing to come with DD. DS just seems to run around playing with the other boys, they don't seem to have cliques and best friends in the way that girls do.

Maybe she could join something where she will make friends out of school?

Flip