Getting upset when baby is ill

[ImpyChica]

DS is ill for first time - he's nearly five months and has a cough/cold. I get in such a state when he cries and has a coughing fit! I was dreadful after he had his first set of jabs too...I'm worried that I'm always going to fall apart whenever he's ill or has hurt himself and will just make matters worse. Does it get better as they get older? Any tips on keeping myself together? I've generally been pretty emotional since giving birth (but not depressed) and cry at the easiest provocation - it's doing my head in!

hello! Can't reassure that it will get better as my DS is 12 weeks, but also has a cold/snuffles (just had jabs too - I managed to hold off my tears until I got back in the car!) - I have lain awake for four nights now listenig to him breathing, so don't think you are over reacting at all! My DH is much calmer - (we actually take it in turns to be the calm, reassuring one!) - on this one and assures me lttle one has a good survival instinct, like all babies, and the coughing and nasty snuffly noises are actually a good sign as it shows that he knows how to handle it. I too am a v. emotional person, thought I was depressed, but now getting out a bit more. DS had a nasty virus and the standard rash at 8 weeks and I was in pieces, but he came through it fine. I almost stoppped wanting to take him anywhere, but I now figure it is far better for them to catch it all now to help improve their immune system. So, trust the DS, and your instincts I say..and it will get better...I often pretend that I'm calm and fine and actually trick myself sometimes and realise I am far better than I thought!

You need to stay calm around your baby as they will sense your upset and it will make him worse.
Children can cope fine with this and all they need is their mummy to reasure them and have lots of cuddles. I know its horrible seeing them ill - my dd (7mths) has just got over a chest infection. I had her sleeping in with me by night just to keep that extra eye on her! Have you been to Dr's as your ds might need some medication?
I understand your emotions - it will settle im sure of it - our hormones take forever to sort themselves out!

I had my sister on the phone a couple of weeks ago crying because it was the first time her baby was ill and she couldn't fix it. My advice to her was once you have satisfied yourself that she is not really really ill and you have done all the necessary things like Calpol, clean nappy, not hungery etc. etc. then you have just got to ride it out. My sort of rule is you have to become calmer in direct relation to them getting upset to the point that by the time they are inconsolable you are in a state of zen like calm, then you can handle anything. You will get better at it as you have got a long winter ahead of you with not only lots of coughs and cold but also the dreaded teething.

Thanks for all posts/advice. I will endeavour for a Zen-like-calm-mask for my inner hysteria! It's true that I've a long winter ahead of me - especially as DS has just started at nursery...

Oh I do sympathise - my DS started at nursery 6 weeks ago. After his first full week he caught gastro-enteritis, then a chest infection... We were at hospital with him twice in two weeks for different things, and it was hell. But now he's better and enjoying nursery so much. Hang on in there, it will get better. But it's normal to feel bad for them. My heart ached for DS while he was poorly.

Ohhhh yes, I know what you mean - in fact my father still shudders when I cough today - at 40!!!

My most impressive moment as an uncalm mother was when DS, aged about 2, woke in the night and didn't seem able to breathe. Dp went and got a bowl for him coz it seemed like he wanted to be sick - I was sick in the bowl! Then I went to the toilet and promptly fainted - naked on the floor! (pmsl now) Poor Dp had to cope with me crashed on bathroom floor and ds struggling to breathe! When awakened I imagined terrible family illness and insisted on trip to A&E - by which time ds breathing fine and me fine too (just stress for me).

I'm definitely better now ds is 4 - by the time they start repeating illnesses you realise they will be okay. Can't imagine the terrible stress of caring for a very ill child.

Its so natural to feel anxious (but draining eh?). My DS was the same, and I had to take time off work nearly every month for his first year at nursery. DD was more poorly as a baby (under 1), always wheezy and I had to take her to GP alot and A+E all turned out fine, don't be afraid to seek help (GP, HV, NHS direct) etc even out of hours, nobody minds. It definately gets easier as they get older as they seem more robust.

It gets easier. I kept saying to myself 'although babies look like pathetic helpless creatures they are actually hard as nails and it's all good for developing their immune systems'...

Actually when they get to toddler age they get very placid and compliant when ill, which can be a blessed relief!

Thanks everyone. Poppynic - that's hilarious! (obviously in a traumatic way...!) I bet I'll be like that when DS gets anything more serious than a cold... DS seems on the mend now anyway and the Doc prescribed him some drops for his cough. Thanks again everyone - makes a difference getting support like that.