4 week old and never leave the house...

[whootwhoot]

My DD is 4 weeks old and while all my NCT mummy friends are merrily taking their babies out for coffee meets and the like, I can't seem to manage to get my self organised to even leave the house. The thought of getting on a bus with the pram terrifies me as does using the car seat (how will I know if she is ok with her facing backwards? What if she is sick, chokes and I can't help her as I am stuck in traffic?). Mobility requires so much effort I'm making excuses not to do it. Also the faff of sterilising bottles to go, bringing formula along, finding somewhere suitable to feed and change her just brings me out in a cold sweat. Am I alone? Everyone else seems to be managing so well. Is this normal at 4 weeks or am I being ridiculous?

I think I read on here once "At 6 weeks you leave the house - at 12 weeks you leave the house on time"

I was astounded how accurate it was!

In fairness I did leave the house before 6 weeks, but with great trepidation and not for very long and only with DH! But it got easier. By 12 weeks I was actually starting to feel confident packing the nappy bag!

Take it slow and take it easy. I didn't join any groups either and honestly I don't regret it. Its not for everyone, and not joining a baby group doesn't mean you're a wierd loner, I just couldn't be bothered! I just hung out with friends and family.

By the way, whenever I was out and about and i needed to feed or change him, I always headed for the biggest pub I could find. The big venue type that do lots of food. They tend to have massive loos with a baby changing table and you can also sit down, order a coffee and feed away and you have plenty of space and nobody cares how long you sit there.

I'd also suggest not meeting someone the first time or two that you pop out. Just give yourself a little trip without the pressure of meeting someone at a certain time as it will be easier for you in your own time frame. Just a short trip and then a little further. Perhaps to the supermarket but just to buy two or three things (definitely not a big shop) and then to return home. It will quash that worry and you'll feel confident in no time at all. I used to walk out to the local high street everyday just to get out. I would just wander all when it suited me and with just one 'job' in mind - get 2pt of milk, buy a magazine or pop along to the bakery.

With DC1 I used to put him in the buggy and go to the local charity shops every day. Got some amazing bargains ;) but it didn't need much preparation as they're only 10 mins up the road, so if he puked everywhere and started howling or had an explosive nappy, I could just go home. Nothing awful ever happened though. We only started meeting our NCT friends at about 3 months.

We did manage a swimming baby group on a Fri morning from 8 weeks - now would be a good time to start looking for something to go to, even if you don't start for a couple of weeks. Once you meet other mums and get some regular adult company (albeit you talk endlessly about poo and puke), your state of mind will improve massively. The mummy friends I made through groups with DC1 were my rocks with DC2. These groups are for you, really!

Think of it as teaching your baby (like puppies). They need to experience lots of new things while too young to notice (especially the car imo - a baby/child who can't cope with a car is a problem).

Agree that a sling makes public transport easier. I bfed ds1 & ds2 for years & found the bottles I had to take out for ds3 an utter pita. Disregard if this goes against current advice (ds3 is ten & they change bottle feeding advice all the time) but I took the sterilised water/bottle out separately from the powder. I bought something that allowed me to measure out three portions of formula. I could them mix with the sterile bottle & water & warm only when ready to use. As I said ignore that if it's against all current advice on reheating etc, but I liked it as I didn't have to worry about how long the milk had been mixed, and I could take out bottles where the water was still cooling. Someone on the thread will know if that breaks all current guidelines

Do get out - force yourself. I think it's fine to stay at home, providing you have the confidence to go out & staying in is an active choice. But you don't sound quite at that stage if going out is a Big Thing (it shouldn't feel any more of an issue - albeit it might be a pita - than before). I would try & meet up with some antenatal friends. They can be a great support.

Everyone is so different. There is nothing wrong with staying home if that's what works for you.

Me, I need to get out and about. I can't just stay in all day or I'd go crackers. But, saying that, I barely use our buggy. If I had to fanny about putting it up or getting it in the car (and taking the wheels off so it'll fit) every time we had to go out then I might not be so eager!

My routine is generally:

• feed and change baby before we go out
• make sure bag is ready - I use an Eastpak rucksack that usually has a spare outfit in it, and then I just need to grab nappies and wipes (we use cloth so it's easier for me just to grab as I need them)
• get my shoes on
• and then if we're going in car, put baby in car seat, grab bag and sling, and everything goes in car
• if we're going out on foot, baby goes in sling, bag goes on my back, and we're away

DD is 13 weeks now and it has definitely got easier with time.

Do you have any family that live close by? I go round to my parents' one evening a week and that's nice, it's very close, and it just means it's only a short drive but we get out for a few hours that way (and, bonus, my dad does me a hot meal ).

I put my daughter's car seat in the passenger seat of the car. Turned off the airbag as per instructions, and went for it. It made life much less stressful, and you can do things like put a hand on their tummy to soothe them, give them toys, change the hood so the sun isn't in their eyes - all within safe 'reason' though obviously.

I have never taken the buggy on a bus. I used a sling on the front of me and a rucksack on the back. I could wrap her under my coat for quite a long time - so she didn't get wet or cold. Just her head sticking out if she was awake. I went to baby showings at the cinema, for coffee, on walks just to 'walk', into town to browse the shops etc. I was at the pub 10 days after she was born (daytime, half a mile walk away)... if I didn't get out I knew I'd have started to go nuts.

I was breastfeeding, but have been using formula for the last 2 months. I sometimes take a ready done bottle - boiling hot, wrapped up in a muslin or two in the bag. Cools within 90 minutes or 2 hours, so still OK to use (I think?), and also have either a sterilised bottle with powder in (all pubs and cafes will fill up with boiling water for you), or a small bottle of the ready made stuff.

You desperately need to get out. I have an eight week old (and 4 year old) so I know how hard it is. It also gets harder if you think about it. There have been times when I have literally been trembling, especially if children are crying and people are watching. But you have to do it - otherwise you're effectively in solitary confinement which is really bad for you and by extension, the baby. I suggest that you don't try to meet anyone so you can concentrate solely on the baby. Don't go to a cafe, go somewhere highly baby friendly and simple - children's section of a library, zoo, park. Build up. Go as soon as he falls asleep and time things to arrive back before he wakes. Try making a bottle up exactly as you would if you were out - it's not that hard. Go and use the baby changing facilities in an experimental 'this is going to be crap but interesting' sort of way. I would also do all this when you have your DH there so there is another pair of hands as well.

Also, why can't you put your baby in the front passenger seat? Just disable the airbag.

Tea but the way she describes it is not just needing to regroup. It's not about that. She's excessively frightened and worried by everyday tasks: that's just not the same as being knackered and pissed off.

Postnatal anxiety sufferers - several of us - have all said "uh oh" upon reading her worries/fears because we recognise them and they really can spiral out of control. Before you know it, it's months.
And if you're bloody minded like me you're brilliant at the "I'm an adult making a sensible choice" self justification when you won't put your child on the floor, leave the room when they're sleeping/stop watching them for a second, you can't wash and you won't use public transport.

...The crossed out stuff ... way, way, way past newborn.

You'll be fine. I'll second using the little cartons of formula.
The mirrors for the car seat are great too.
Stick a spare babygro in-you don't need a whole outfit for months yet!

At 4 weeks, everybody else will not be managing so well. With DC1, I was just starting to do ten minutes to the shops and back on my own by that stage. With DC2, I think I'd walked fifty yards to the end of the road twice. You won't see the ones who aren't managing to get out because they're still in the house.

Don't try to run before you can walk. Start small, an amble down the road with the pram or a sling, whichever you prefer. You don't have to go anywhere. It's just about getting used to it.

I didn't mention that I didn't leave the house at all for the first 2 weeks with DC1 and by 4 weeks I think I'd been out twice. As long as you and baba are happy, I wouldn't worry

Do you want to go out? If you've had heaps of visitors then it's not like you've been a hermit.

Imo you'll get bored soon enough, fancy a proper coffee shop drink and then be out meeting your NCT crew.

If you're genuinely dreading it then that may be an issue, if it's just too much faff (it is to start!) then just maybe think of ways to make it simpler. After a bit of the same, I made it a personal challenge to leave the house with as little notice as possible - felt very rewarding. If the changing bag is always packed, snacks, drink, nappy, wipes, onesie etc, you can just grab it on their way out

Enjoy this time, meeting people is great but home cuddles are pretty fab too x