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Messy child...

7 replies

bettyberry · 23/08/2015 12:03

Ok, so I am not under any illusions about children and that they create mess and come with an awful lot of crap I wish I could just chuck out and never see again.

However, My child is filthy. Disgusting. I am at the end of my tether with it.

I try so hard so hard to keep my house relatively clean and tidy and now having to resort to locking rooms in order to keep them clean. My own bedroom in particular and other rooms we are not using just to keep the chaos at a minimum.

DS will leave banana peels/apple cores where ever he has finished eating them. Snotty tissues are dropped on the floor 'stuff' is thrown around every where. His room is like a landfill site. Even if I clean it he collects more rubbish, and it is rubbish, from around the house. He will pull all of his clothes out of the wardrobe and then I have to wash them again. He has peed on the floor. He tears paper to tiny pieces. Breaks all of his toys. Rips the stuffing from out of soft toys and pillows. He has his own bath towels because he will use all of them and I'm left with a ton of laundry because they end up covered in mud/pee/detritus from his room. he's taken to using loo roll for everything and throwing balls of it at the walls. Books are ripped up. I replace the carpet with a washable floor in his room and he has gouged holes in it. Its like having a huge toddler :( He also constantly lies and steals. This is just a fraction of the issues.

He is like a hoarder but worse. He will kick off at me if there is a mess! Angry

Now, Its worth mentioning he does have SEN/SN with sensory issues but is intellectually fine, above average, knows right from wrong. He can clean. He is very capable. He is also 8.

He is entertained daily. He would have more toys than he does but I cannot justify replacing things he constantly breaks. Boredom is not the problem. Exercise is not a problem (Its the holidays and foraging time so we are out several days a week picking fruit or in the park) we have a big garden he plays in, a scooter and bike etc to burn off energy.

Anyone have any more IDeas what to do to keep the mess down because it is making me miserable with the constant cleaning along with all his other behaviours. I feel like a prisoner in my own home because I have to lock rooms just to keep them clean and things like toiletries and loo roll have to put away too :(

Just so fed up of it all. The pros think this is just a kid thing and wont offer any decent support esp dealing with the destructive side.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
icouldjusteatacroissant · 23/08/2015 20:26

you haven't had any replies, I wonder if others are a bit Shock Confused like me. I'm even wondering if your post is true.

I will pretend it is. limit eating to the kitchen. get cupboard locks, and discipline him. time out. or reward charts. move loo rolls and anything else he plays havoc with.

are you a single mum?

bettyberry · 23/08/2015 22:02

It is true, sadly. I am embarrassed with his behaviour. Yes I am single although I have the OH visit. He helps where we can. We don't yet live together and I am wondering if he could cope with it tbh :(

I tried pretty much everything going. Rewards, removing things, taking his own toys away, refusing to replace anything of his toys he breaks. Parenting classes. We are under professional help via Camhs, a consultant, a family support worker etc They just dismiss it. Not fully understanding how bad it can be.

Discipline is in place but even if I catch him redhanded he yells and screams denying what he has done and lashes out at me or the door. I still follow through with the punishment regardless but he will not admit he has done anything wrong. ITs always my fault. eg when stealing food its because I didn't feed him enough even though he had seconds and didn't finish it.

I've stripped the rooms he can go into of the things he gets his hands on. I'm just tired of it all. I needed to vent. I just don't get why he does these things.

He went through a phase of smashing the light bulbs in his room by throwing things around and now he's not allowed one in there. It was the only way to stop any serious accident.

Its all just so.... mindless. His OT said part of his destruction is to do with sensory processing issues. The need to be pulling things apart is calming for him so I introduced a lot of new things for him. Mini trampoline in the garden, toys that can be really tugged on and take a beating for use outside. A mat that he can throw himself on safely. They have worked to an extent but the destructive side persists.

people laugh when I say he's been through roughly a bed a year and find it hard to believe a child can do that much damage but I am at an absolute loss as to what to do.

Its the holidays and its always much worse. He doesn't cope with transitions even with social stories, visual timetables and such in place to lower the anxiety around it. It helps but doesn't always. I'm just much more stressed because theres 24/7 dealing with it. Not just destructive behaviours but the attitude etc

The only time he is still is if he has TV, something to chew on and a heavy blanket wrapped around him tightly but that's not something I can do all day.

Right now he is fast asleep thanks to Melatonin his consultant prescribed Its a brief respite where I can fix things a little.

OP posts:
iAmNicolaMurray · 23/08/2015 22:14

If you listed all his behaviours as you have in your op, and brought that with you to your next appointments with the various support people, maybe that would help? Maybe if they saw a list they'd see just how bad things are. It would make sure you got a chance to tell them everything without forgetting bits.

You said his OT (not sure what that is) said his destructive behaviours were part of his sensory processing issues. Did they give you any actual advice on how to deal with that?

The situation sounds really hard. Sorry I don't have any real advice but I hope you manage to get some. I think you are going to have to really fight to get this taken seriously.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

iAmNicolaMurray · 23/08/2015 22:16

Actually op maybe you should ask for this to be moved to the special needs topic. I'm sure you'll get better advice there from more experienced posters.

bettyberry · 23/08/2015 22:24

OT - Occupational therapy. It has just started. we have the initial report with Ideas but next appt isn't until end of sept so I'm winging it and using the web for Ideas. Some have worked like sensory specific toys, others haven't. Vibration/deep massage works for him as do flashing/coloured lights but its nigh on impossible to stop things from getting broken and its costing an absolute fortune to replace.

Yes, I'll see if it will. I couldn't find the bit when I was on my phone earlier so thought this might help. Thank you.

OP posts:
icouldjusteatacroissant · 23/08/2015 23:23

have you filmed his behaviour to show professionals, and are you keeping a diary too?

iAmNicolaMurray · 23/08/2015 23:46

I think you can ask mnhq to move this one for you if you report your op.

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