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Parenting

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Partners mother driving me insane!!

4 replies

charlh929 · 21/08/2015 15:12

Hi!

I have a LO who is 14 weeks. This is my partners mums 5th grandchild, however, she doesn't see the other very much (DP's brother lives hours away with his 3 LO's and his sister prefers her partners parents to watch her 18 month old). She works in various Surestart centres surrounded by mothers and babies. As a result, she is always giving me 'advice', which is really her telling me what I should and shouldn't do with my baby. She is always telling me I need to get this and I need to do that and to be quite honest its making me feel like an inadequate mum. I think because of the field she works in and she's had three kids herself, she thinks she knows best and I should follow her advice. Furthermore, my partner is the closest to her out of all of her kids and I think that because of this she feels she can do/say what she wants and have more of an input in my LO's life. I have told my partner but he doesn't want to say anything in case it upsets her, but i'm sick of feeling patronised, I know whats best for my baby, and if I do need advice I seek it from my own mother. She is always texting me the importance of things such as tummy time (which my LO HATES and screams, yet his neck muscles are strong and he can hold himself up for a few minutes, I refuse to force him to do anything if it really upsets him) and sending me links to advice websites. Every time I see her she hands me leaflets, if I say I've already got them, she tells me to keep them anyway just in case i need to look at them. By the time the visits over, i really start doubting myself as a mum, even though I know I shouldn't. LO is always smiling/babbling, is really content and comfortable around anyone and is gaining weight perfectly. Sorry for the rant! I just had to vent! I'm not sure whether to say anything to her myself or not, but I don't want to rock the boat and make things difficult for my partner.

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 21/08/2015 15:16

She is only being helpful, she is coming from a place of love towards you, her son and her GC.

Why not just embrace that rather than see it as an attack on your parenting skills.

If you are so upset it's best to let your husband take the baby to see her while you have a nice rest at home.

happymummyone · 21/08/2015 15:19

Some people are just like this, for the sake of an easy life, just nod and agree, you then go home and parent your way, she thinks she's helped you out, you've avoided a conflict and your baby and partner are happy because you are happy.

Lunastarfish · 22/08/2015 22:08

Op I know how you feel!!

I have a 5 week old. Partners mother is OK (albeit she has her interfering and judgmental moments) but it is my partner's sister who is the real problem . She had a baby 4 months before me and has now trained as a peer support breastfeeding volunteers (or something like that). she now seems to think she is some kind of baby guru and has been bombarding me with 'advice' ever since her baby was a couple of weeks old. Most of it was/is very patronising in my view as it is such obvious stuff ' have you ever heard of a sling' - the response I got when I mentioned that my baby wanted to be held all the time Hmm). Very hard not to text back 'yes I fucking have you twat'. Plus she constantly emailed/text links for things like the benefits of breastfeeding even though I had repeatedly told her I intended to/am breastfeeding and therefore clearly knew the benefits.

Is difficult to deal with as my Dd would be fine if I did tell her to get off my back but the family meet up a lot and going forward it would be awkward - ultimately I can cope with hey but need to vent sometimes.

The way I have been dealing with it is if it is patronising advice via email/text I just respond back with 'thanks' and don't engage any further. I don't enter into any discussions about it.

If the advice is in person I just nod unless her advice is something I really disagree with in which case I tell her I am doing something my way and again don't discuss any further.

Sadly, I use to get on really well with her before my pregnancy and was excited about us being pregnant at the same time but towards the end of my pregnancy I had to start avoiding her (she would call to talk babies and want to meet up). Further, I thought I had mastitis but ended up posting on Mn as I couldn't bare calling her for advice which is quite sad given her training.

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 25/08/2015 18:40

There is no need to doubt yourself lol but you do need to toughen up a little, and I mean that in the nicest possible way Smile

Like others have said, it is annoying but just smile and nod and carry on doing exactly what you want.

If I'd taken the advice of my famiy id never have bf and would have weaned them onto solids at 6 weeks Shock

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