Toddler and newborn. Help.

[Twerking9to5]

This is so hard. I knew it would be, but it's a different story actually doing it!

I have a 22 month old DS and a 5 week old DD. I love them to bits, of course. But DS - who has always been on the wilful side - is now really testing every boundary possible. I am trying to keep my patience with him but am finding it increasingly tricky. He will go for all the things he knows he's not meant to (i.e. hitting the tv screen, wobbling the floor lamp, jumping on the bed) all the while grinning at me. I find it really hard not to take his behaviour personally. I KNOW he is just being a toddler and not thinking maliciously (at least I hope not).

I try to have activities lined up for him when I have to feed DD but this doesn't always work. It's great to get out so he can burn off energy but I struggle finding safe places to go where I can feed and still keep him in sight.

DD is becoming a little being I lump around with me while I try and control DS! Thankfully, she seems pretty content with this so far.

My poor DH comes home each night to a weeping wreck (the 5-7pm slot just about finishes me off). DH has been great and gets on with chores when he gets home from work. I clean bottles, make up feeds, eat and go to bed. There's no time for any pleasure really. I do remember feeling similar when DS was born and i know that passes but it's just so hard.

I feel this may be fairly rambling, sorry. But if anyone else out there is feeling the same, please step forward!!

It will get better. Watch out for kisses, that turn into bites. My youngest spent a lot of time in her car seat out of toddlers way and reach, so on top of the kitchen worktop or on the table. She's fine and didn't suffer for it.n It's natural his nose is out of joint, but he needs to learn to share you with her. Maybe putting her down sometimes and doing one on one stuff with him so he feels like your special boy might make it easier for when you need to feed her. There's only so many times you can say no stop it to him, so if he won't take notice of you and falls off the bed or the lamp falls on him then it's a harsh lesson in the consequences of his behaviour (but I hope it doesn't come to that obviously)

Waiting here for advice. Second dc due in 2wks, dd is 25 months.

I remember that 5-7 window used to be hell with dd - you just reminded me!

I think tv will be my friend for indoor bf

Hello

I've got dd (21 months) and ds (7 weeks). She is doing pretty much all the things you say too! Including a stage of hitting which is no fun at all!

I keep reminding myself... Short stage, next week will all be different. But the tiredness is setting in now. I keep getting ill, constant headaches, and worrying about everything.

So no, you are not alone at all!

My list of 'feed time' activities...
Books, fuzzy felt. Megasketcher, crayons (when she's not in a 'drawing on the walls' mood) aqua doodle, stickers, jigsaw puzzles, reading books, and a snack!

I've still not managed to venture out with the two of them on my own. Do you are doing very well there!

I haven't got much advice really other than to say that your 2nd born generally gets less attention than your pfb did.
dd spent a big chunk of her first 6 months stuck in the mechanical swing, then she was put in the swizzle toy seat thing, just because ds, who was 17 months at the time, was like a little whirlwind! He was actually lovely with her but I felt I couldn't keep her safe if she was sprawled on the floor like he was at that age.

Oh yes!!! It's hard going. I found the first four months awful second time around as dd2 had awful silent reflux and feeding and consoling her was a full time job then 2.5 year old dd1 would act up and also stopped napping so I was just burst tbh. It does get easier. Dd2 doesn't get as much attention but I wear her in a sling or carrier a lot and try and include her in games we play on the floor now she's a bit older.

Dd2 is very wilful and far more demanding than dd1 was as a baby so I feel constantly guilty that I don't spend enough time with either of them but I think that's normal.

You're not alone op. Dd1 is 2.6 and dd2 is 7 weeks. It seems this is the time to really push those boundaries!

Have you got willing grandparents around? Dd1 adores hers and they will come and "rescue" me for a day if it all gets too much. If you are brave, try to get your ds to activities for him, I just took dd1 to her first ballet class yesterday and it seemed to really help with her behaviour. I try to do her bedtime whenever I can too so she has some mummy time.

And for the witching hours between 5 and 7, well that's what the secret stash of dairy milk in my sock drawer is for.

Also cbeebies and YouTube for childhood classics you want to pass on (Mr Benn, anyone? )

I had exactly this and it's ace when they are both 2+ I survived by finding loads of cheap toddler groups to go to everyday so DC1 was busy and entertained whilst I relaxed and fed DC2. Church playgroups, sure start stay & play, library sessions - anywhere DC1 could not escape from. Then home for lunch and then I'd hook up with another mum in the afternoon - met lots at morning stuff. That way I avoided being alone when it can become 2v1 !!!

Thank you all so much for your comments/support. I have been meaning to reply for three days but, as you know, those pesky kids get in the way .

I am currently at soft play where my dear dad is crawling around with DS at the grand age of 67. I've also made sure I swapped in so I could have some one on one time with DS.

I'm starting to learn dd's patterns for feeding/sleeping which helps. Plus she's started waking just once in the night, which makes a difference.

Just need to keep my patience with DS....

Nice to know I'm not alone!

Another one here! DSs 2.10 and 6 weeks. DS1 is generally happy at home (pottering with toys and CBeebies on!) but going out is a nightmare! He has taken to not listening to a word I say when out, plus running off, hitting/scratching other children, snatching toys..argh! And my mid afternoon he is shattered and tantrummy. Likewise early mornings and bedtime when he just wants mummy, usually just as DS2 needs most attention too.dH not usually around for bedtime either so Ds2 often has to cry. Tough!

lovelyweather I also often do bath/bedtime solo-I think this is the main reason DH comes home to a weepy wreck

I found a really nice app - CBeebies stories. When I feed, DS is allowed to use that. Really annoyingly, we've stopped having the TV on as he got obsessed with it and just stopped playing with any toys. All he did was follow me round with the remote . He is much better with his toys now but I'm gutted as I want to be able to put the TV on for a bit without him hassling me for it constantly!

Oh my goodness. I don't know what has got into dd today but she has been vile all day. Suspect she's got a new bug of some sort. Had friends round, and she just screamed and clung to me all day. Poor ds has just sat in his bouncy chair with the dummy in all day. Arghhhh

Thanks for the app suggestion Twerking. Need all the tips I can get at the moment.

hello. I have a 6 yo DS, a 20 month old DD and a 23 day old DS! these holidays have been a nightmare as DD is a demon and constantly hitting and nipping her older brother. luckily she so far loves the baby and hasn't hurt him but I keep a very close eye on her!
she seems to be going through the terrible twos early so the naughty corner gets used a lot. it does work, mostly, apart from the hitting her brother. poor DS can't wait to go back to school.

Fattymcfatfat omg! You most definitely have your hands full! We've had a bit of a go at a naughty corner type thing but DS just finds it hilarious . Might try it again at another point!

Ibelieve - how is your dd today? It's weird how they go through these moods. I always blame it on teething...DH wonders what we'll say when all his teeth are through

Signing in here!
Got a 9 week old dd and a 2.5 old ds.

It's so fucking hard right now.

Poor dd is totally neglected and ds is pushing boundaries all over the place! He's napping now thank fuck.

You aren't alone!

I'm in a similar position in that I'm nervous to take them both out to the playground / park as I'm scared he'll run off / climb too high / fall when I'm feeding her. It makes me so anxious. We did soft play this am but I'm dreading when he wakes up, it's so hard to occupy him as every time I get him engaged in s game she wakes up/wants to be fed!!

He then gets really stroppy and upset as my attention is diverted to her.

So I'm with you op! It can only get better right?!

I promise, promise it will get easier.
I have three DC's with two years each between them.
The first months are hard, recovering from the birth, feeding, sleepless nights, all the while dealing with a stroppy toddler and keeping the house clean.

I agree with pp get out to as many children's centres, libraries, church run playgroups as you can. If your toddler still naps, maybe try and work them around that nap time.

Mine are six, four and two now and we are well settled into routines, nap times, etc x

Don't put too much pressure on yourself, the house work can do one for a while.
Also batch cook where you can and freeze to save you time

Sorry to post and run but I am following and in a similar situation tho ds1 is 3 (have posted in chat). Read a very good article last night, will post.

She's in nursery today. Phew. And i haven't had a phone call yet so guessing she's not ill, just a little bit demon child!

I on the other hand now have mastitis to deal with too!

www.ahaparenting.com/ask-the-doctor-1/3-year-old-attitude-hitting-little-sister know it's about a 3yo but similar challenges for you.

I have 5 week ds and 2.9 dd. It's hard and dd is reasonably independent. To be honest I try to get out for dd. Put ds in sling, take lots of food for both, get out. Dd is happier. Ds manages and we all feel a bit better. The weather doesn't help. For witching hour I use a dummy for ds to ward off the grizzling, get dd ready for bed early and let her watch of cbeebies bedtime hour. Ds is waking loads so also knackered but it'll get better

yep, 5 - 7 is a KILLER.

killer. i loose all patience by then. no advice just try and get as much help as you can

Can't find that app?

Mikado-it's called CBeebies story time.

Am going to properly reply to others shortly-DS is AWAKE

Not available in Ireland

been out to the park today. DD tried to run off, so I ended up having to leave the pram with DS while I captured her. I've managed to get her occupied with stickers at the minute....oh wait no, as I type she is stealing DS1s cars, and DS2 will want feeding soon! argh!!!