I feel like I'm not doing well with my 12 month old

[ManeEvent]

I feel as though I'm coping rather than managing or thriving.

DS wakes up 8ish, if I'm very lucky he will have 2, 40 min naps before going to sleep for the night at 10:30 or 11pm. He is always still awake running around at 10pm. It is a very full on day and I am exhausted. I am not sure if this is genuinely the amount of sleep he needs or if he is very sleep deprived but can't sleep more. We do sleep routine of food, play, bath, book, but then he just charges off again for a couple more hours.

He heads for the boob an awful lot still- I am not sure if this is because he is tired and trying to fall to sleep, (but can't) If he is thirsty- (will not swallow any water at all), or hungry. So feed maybe every 2 to 3 hours until 7pm and then every hour till he goes to sleep properly.

He tends to eat about half of what I give him and drop the rest over the side of the highchair- not sure if this is because I'm giving him too much, or if he's too full of breastmilk to eat, or if hes BFeeding a lot because it isn't enough food.

He will cope in a pushchair for about 90 mins (including, on a good day, one of his two 40 min naps) before absolutely having enough and screaming non-stop till he's out of it, which limits how far I can go and what we can do. A walk to the shop, buy some basics and back, for example, no trips out to a bigger place to window shop or for lunch, for example. (I have no car and nearest decent place 30 mins by bus away).

He is crawling and coasting really quickly(but not walking yet), but if I take him outside to the park to use up some energy he won't crawl, I don't think he likes the sensation iyswim.

He isn't old enough for the soft play yet, and the music group etc we were attending all now off until middle of september.

This leaves me with him in a small flat for hours at a time, endlessly stopping him pulling the telephone off, the books on top of himself from the bookcase, the laptop down on himself, not eating the washing powder, from the dog bowl etc etc.He has lots of toys but he will only play with them for 5mins and then its back to trying to get into stuff. Getting more and more frustrated and upset he can't do what he wants.He seems to be unhappy and fractious so much of the time and yet I'm trying so hard. Please help!

He does sound over tired perhaps. If he won't take any water then I would imagine he's breastfeeding so often for thirst, rather than hunger, but then that's inadvertently filling him up so he's not too interested in food.

There's a lot going on here, and I would be careful not to change too much at once. Maybe addressing the sleep could be the first thing, perhaps alongside the frequent feeding. Will he take cows milk in a cup? You could try giving him a cup of cows milk when he wakes up which would address thirst. Then maybe do breakfast about an hour and half later.

Wrt the sleep, I would focus on a time you want him in bed and then 2 hours before that start a winding down process. So if bedtime was 8.30pm, at 6.30pm you could start the bedtime routine. So a bath, then maybe books, a breastfeed then teeth cleaning, followed by more books and then bed. You might have to do some gentle sleep training techniques to persuade him to sleep at that time, maybe gradual retreat or pick up put down.

Oh thank you for the thoughtful and really helpful reply, culture, I really appreciate it. DS is in a tizz but will read it again when he crashes goes to sleep and reply properly

Have you tried to see if you can get him back to sleep after the 40 mins? DD always stirs after sleeping for 45 mins and often wakes. She's much better now she's 2 and goes back to sleep on her own but when she was small I used to feed her or rock her and she'd go back to sleep.

I think sleep is connected to development so gets disrupted when they are learning new skills, so perhaps once he is walking things will be better. Hang in there!

Oh you poor thing. It sounds like you are doing a fab job and you just have a high needs baby (as do I!). He is having 9-10hrs of sleep per night and two decent ish naps, which according to some sources is ok for a baby of this age (I think I read this on a Sarah ockwell smith post). I wouldn't worry too much about that just yet and try some other things first to see if that helps. If not then he may be over tired.

My suggestions would firstly be to make your flat as baby friendly as possible so he can be free and you aren't saying no all the time as that is exhausting for you and frustrating for him. Put thins away, get cupboard locks, screw bookcases to walls, put stuff out of his reach etc etc.

Next, I would ditch the buggy and get a sling, he may spend longer in that allowing you to do more and maybe even nap better. I use a toddler connecta for my large 15mo and it's great.

Thirdly 12 mo is not too young for soft play. They tend to have areas for smaller kids and my LO enjoyed it there from when he could crawl and cruise really.

Massive hugs and sympathy though, I have a high needs baby/toddler and once you find ways to deal with it rather than suppress it, they are great fun and give fab cuddles. Good luck!

This sounds really hard going, OP, all my sympathies! It's so tough when you don't get good long sleeps, but on the plus side it sounds like he might be close to walking and its easier to get them exercised when they can walk!
Echoing a PP that soft play will be an option for a crawling baby, when my daughter was that stage we went to one with a big baby area and she could just crawl up and down, used up loads of energy! Is there a library near you? Our library has a box of toys and, again, a big floor space for crawling.

If you can get to a swimming pool that's another good way to get out of the house and tire them out. My daughter is fine on the bus if I take her out of the buggy and lift her up to see out of the window, is that an option? It might let you get further afield.

My last suggestion, which you've probably already done, is that if you have a rear facing buggy does turning it round make a difference? I didn't want to turn mine forward facing, but my daughter is so much happier being able to see the world and I can sneak snacks when she can't see me.

Hope this helps, and best of luck!

thanks for the replies, sounds daft but still trying to read them all properly. Maybe when DH gets home this evening