meal times are driving me CRAZY!!!! pleeeeease help!!!

[snipersmum]

My 3 year old DS is really driving me crazy at mealtimes. I try my damndest to give them nutritious food (without being a complete food nazi, which I think is counterproductive)but everything I put in front of him is sneered at/spat out/choked over on some days and then eaten a week later. I have tried praise/bribery/ignoral/letting him cook it with me but nothing works. DS2 is the complete opposite and at 18 months will eat most things without fuss, so I know the wretched stuff must be edible. As I type this, DS1 is whining that he hates pasta and pesto (which he liked last week). Does anyone have any ideas?

This is normal for three yearolds. Present the food, make no comment, allow 10-15 minutes to eat. Remove plate, make no comment. Proceed with normal activities. Allow anything from the fruit bowl as an alternative, but otherwise wait until the next mealtime before offering the next meal. It will pass, and all the more quickly for following this plan. Try to eat together, at the table, with no distractions such as TV. Don't turn it into a big deal.

I had a friend who drove me mad asking my advice because her dd "wouldn't eat". she was constantly offering choice after choice, both during and between mealtimes. She liquidised cereal in chocolate milk, carried bags of snacks around, it was astonishing. Her daughter ended up quite obese by the time she was 5.

I am certain your ds will be fine - it is mostly attention seeking, so give him attention when his behaviour is positive, and ignore when not. Good luck.

Just ignore it, he's 3, and getting a hold over you everytime you pander to his wants.
I also have a three year old son who does exactly the same, at the moment he wants every meal to be sausage chips and beans. he's not having it.

I'd echo 3LF's first paragraph, I think it will pass! Oh and my DS2 is also 18 months and eats everything going.. .including homemade curry! But, I guess I'll go through the same with him in 18 months ish time.

Shall we swap kids, they might be wanting to go home for the right mummies food by the end of the week!! LOL!

I promise - it will pass. Mine are 18, 15 and 8 and they all eat absolutely everything and have done since the age of about 4. they would have starved otherwise!!!!

thanks guys - but 3LF, does that mean that yours were all tricky eaters before 4? I hope so - it would give me so much hope!!!

My DD was an incredibly rubbish eater and I used to have to slap DH and grandma for spoon-feeding her - at almost three for Christ's sake! Now we do pretty much as 3littlefrogs says but give her a choice, before I start cooking, of two different meals then at least when she spits it out I can say "Well, it's your own fault, you chose it" I don't know if she eats anymore but I'm a lot less stressed about it...
Try not to get wound up because those kids know just how to play you... the coniving little monkeys!

All children are tricky eaters before 4. It is normal. They are only little - they don't come into the world knowing everything and behaving perfectly. Just think how dull life would be if they did!! Please, please relax and try to enjoy them. The years go by so fast. My two big lads have just come in from their evening job. Cue sound of fridge and cupboard doors, and rapid consumption of everything edible in house.

ah, you see 3LF, that is my dream - hungry boys eating me out of house and home.
I do love and enjoy my boys, but this mealtime thing is attritional, and it does wear me out trying to think of things to cook, when sometimes I feel it would be a lot easier to open the cupboard/veg rack/freezer and throw the food straight in the bin - and it would certainly save time mopping the floor!

Mine aren't fussy they just eat like sparrows. However they are healthy (touch wood). I measured ds yesterday at my parents' house (they mark the granchildrens' height on a wall periodicaly) and he is the same height as my neice was when she was 3 years and 1 month old, and he is 1 month short of 2. She eats like a horse.

With dd I stressedabout mealsand it was a very unpleasant time of the day in our house. Second time round I put a healthy meal infront of them they eat what they want. If finished they are allowed dessert if not then nothing (apart from fruit and water) until the next meal.

I have found that since starting school dd's appetite has increased so maybe you will find that too.

just cook easy things and always make enough for 2 days. I used to make: Sausage and mash with peas or sweetcorn, shepherd's pie, any sort of casserole with all the veg mixed in, with rice or pasta, spaghetti bolognaise, macaroni cheese. All things that could be made the night before. If you have just got it out of the fridge, having prepared it in relative peace, while they were asleep, and all you had to do was warm it up, you can offer small portions, then seconds, and you are not frazzled and stressed from trying to cook while they hang on your legs.

I make 2 days worth now, but they eat it all in one!

You freeze half for the days when you were too exhausted to cook the previous night IYSWIM.

yup 3lf - got a whole drawer of cottage pie/spag bog/ fish pie etc in the freezer - and sometimes I do consider getting it straight out and opening the bin - I would save some serious money on floor cleaner! (but DS2, thank goodness, will eat it/paint with it)

Message withdrawn

Gosh - you are bringing back so many memories!! I have a wonderful photo somewhere of DS 2 covered from head to foot in yogurt and clutching a piece of toast in each hand.

yes, today I made mushroom soup for lunch and DS2 made handprints with it all over the table/chair/his brother/the cat (ever tried to get soup off a seriously annoyed feline??!!!)I consoled myself that he (DS2, not the cat) might have absorbed some of it through his skin....)

Ah well - comfort yourself with the knowledge that he is obviously very artistic and creative (!)

o, 3lf, I am trying things the way you suggested - can I have some more advice please? I have done the no comment, remove after a certain time thing, and only offer fruit in between. Today has been hard, with him throwing huge tantrums and not eating much and then hitting his brother out of sheer bloody mindedness because he is hungry and grumpy - how long do you think that will last? Also DS2 is a very slow eater, and is still plodding his way through things methodically after 30 minutes, which is the time I try to clear up, which then makes it difficult to clear away untouched stuff after DS1. I wish there was an emoticon for frustration!

Could you try giving him a choice of two different meals before you start cooking? Or even whether he wants cheese or ham in his sandwich? Appeals to three-year-olds sense of control-freakery perhaps? Dr Tanya on Little Angels used to go for making a big performance everytime child ate a mouthful and then gradually cutting it back but if you're anything like me, you're just too damned tired for that!

Poor snipersmum -I do feel for you. Sorry I have only just seen this, have been writing a very tedious essay most of the day. I wonder if he is tired and therefore struggles to eat? Is he getting enough sleep/naps? The idea of offering a choice of meal is a good one - not "what would you like to eat?" - too much responsibility, but "would you like A or B for tea?" Also, try very hard not to show your anxiety - easier said than done. Established habits do take time to change and he will keep trying to wind you up and see if you really mean it. You might consider whether a slightly earlier start to a meal might help before he gets overtired?

Mt ds2 would always be the one troughing away long after everone else had finished. Ds1 was much fussier - due entirely to the fact that i fussed over him, but never had time to fuss over ds2 who consequently learned to feed himself and consumed as much as possible when he had the chance.

it will take time, but hang in there - it does get better.

i have to say my kids have been really good on the food front. ds1 is nearly 8 and eats almost anything- he doesnt like tomatoes, runner beans and sprouts. ds2 is a bit more tricky he not keen on meat but since he started school he will eat most things. dd1 and dd2 no prob they both under 2 and eat whatever i put in front of them. thank god.

I've had endless probs with dd which would start everyone off yawning if I started explaining them again

eventually went with this plan on professional advice - take food away, continue to give attention etc as usual, but remove the food and move on.

it's to try and make sure that if they are trying to get attention or gain control, you take the food out of the equation so they don't get the idea that they can use food for this in future

that's not going to make OP feel any better xmas mummy - starting a thread asking for help and then being told that your children are good eaters!

Make a little list of things he does like - might be short but probably fairly healthy. Show him th elist every weekend and talk to him about meals, what to have next week, etc.

Try to incorporate at least some of his ideas as long as they're not a complete faff. It should lessen the stress on you if it doesn't get spat back at you.