What's it like going from 1 to 2 children?

[CoffeeTwo]

I'm 25 weeks pregnant and have one DS 3.5. DS is a little treasure and slotted quite nicely into our lives. We're lucky to have good family support and I only work part time. I've been merrily assuming that DS2 will slot alongside him and life will continue as it is.

Only it's just occurred to me that that might not happen. DS2 might be very different, what if I'm being naive about being a mother of two. I'd love to hear your experiences.

I found the 2nd time much easier than the first, even though my first was a dream baby. I was a bit shell shocked the first time around and getting used to becoming a mum felt weird. The thought of having to look after a human being for the next 18 years was terrifying.

The second one just slotted in. I was already used to looking after somebody else.

I was scared that I wasn't going to love DD2 as much as DD1 but I did and still do.

Even more amazing is the love that they have for each other. DD1 was the proudest big sister when DD2 came along. Now that they're older they're best friends. They play together and they laugh so much.

They have a similar age gap to what yours will, OP. DD1 was 3.9 when DD2 was born. They are 8 and 4 now. Love them!

I can remember almost every little detail of DC1's first year but I can barely remember anything from DC 2's first year! The exhaustion just overwhelmed me. Going from having just one child who was a fabulous sleeper to having a newborn as well who just would not sleep was hideous.

But...watching their relationship develop was AWESOME!

I think the age of the eldest is very important. DS1 was 5 when DS2 was born and it was actually very easy because he was already in school (which gave me a bit of a 'breather') and was also old enough to enjoy 'helping' with the new baby. He could fetch nappies, wipes, and do little 'jobs' that made him feel important and part of the 'new baby scene'.

He had his moments of jealousy and being a bit more needy (of attention) but all in all it was a smooth transition.

I'm afeared.

Nowhere as bad as I feared! Admitted there was a five year gap, so I didn't have two under school age, but second time was a lot easier. I was still very tired for that first year, but it all seemed much more manageable than first time around. And its truly lovely when the eldest starts interacting with the little one, you start to feel like a real family then!

Marking place
31wk with dc2
Dc1 starts school 4 weeks before baby due

my ds will be 22 months when dc2 arrives.

some days I feel I only just keep my head above water as it is.

For me 1-2 was easier but mainly because DS2 (now 16 weeks) is a dream baby. It took 6 weeks of long frequent feeds, expressing, nipple shields etc. to establish feeding with DS1, it took about 6 minutes for ds2 to establish feeding and he has always been a fast feeder (longest feed ever about 15mins). DS2 is very cheerful, and hardly ever cries, he's slept 11pm-4am since about 8 weeks old (and sometimes more).

I've also been much more confident in understanding what babies need - naps every 1-2 hours, not letting him get overtired, co sleeping from night 1 and if in doubt pop a boob in - all things that took weeks to work out with DS1.

I'm 39+3 weeks pregnant DS is 3yo is it too late to change my mind?

Dd1 was is a Velcro baby, very demanding would only co-sleep until 3. She also had reflux, colic and numerous allergies which didn't help in the early days. Going from no kids to her was horrifically hard.
Dd2 has slept well since day one. She has similar health problems but I could see the signs and went straight to the dr for meds. I wasn't being fobbed off this time. She is such a calm, laid back little thing. They are like chalk and cheese.
I was VERY worried about having number 2 but it has actually made things easier and made dd1 less selfish. She dotes on her little sister and stays to look after her instead of following me to the shower!
They are best friends as well as sisters.

I had a very small gap (just over a year) and it was a massive shock. Thought my life was over social life wise.

One was a breeze. Two that small was tough. However, baby is able to sit up now, we have a babysitter and moving soon so I am glad I went for two straight away.

KarateKimmi, It will be fine. Two is a doddle .

Easy In the first year. Gradually gets harder until you spend most of your day herding sheep or in doors as yet another nice day out had been cancelled for bad behaviour.

Two boys - 15 months apart, their favourite pastime is fighting each other or winding me up. Unless it's ten minutes to bed time and they miraculously start playing nice with no adult supervision

Whoever said further up the thread that they had to stop trying to recreate their first mat leave was spot on. It's utterly different with a toddler in tow, preschool run to tackle in term time... I felt DC2 didn't get the attention she deserved. But I was also much luckier with BF this time round, more relaxed generally, and DC2 is an amazing baby who sleeps really well, so not all second babies are harder work! Each of my kids is a totally different person, the biggest lesson has been accepting that DC2 will not be another DC1.

I've also been much more confident in understanding what babies need - naps every 1-2 hours, not letting him get overtired, co sleeping from night 1 and if in doubt pop a boob in - all things that took weeks to work out with DS1.

I thought I'd feel like this but dd2 had other ideas!

I have 10 years between mine and I loved it.
I loved having a tiny baby and him slotting right in with the already existing family routine. He was a pretty easy baby and my maternity leave with him was wonderful.

I've found it hellish. I have a 3yo dd and a 3mo and it's just awful. I am knackered all day and all night and feel like the world's worst parent. I am not enjoying it at all. Little one screams all day and older one looks utterly traumatised as she has basically lost her loving mum and never gets any time any more.

Sorry but you asked. I'm sure it gets easier but right now having a 3yo and a 3mo is by some way the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I'm an emotional wreck and miss the days with just my dd. I love them both so much but it's impossible to keep one never mind both happy for longer than about ten minutes at the moment.

Dd is nearly 4weeks, ds is 5 (sn). I've had the odd WHY, WHY HAVE I DONE THIS?!?moments but over all I feel better this time round, some how it feels easier. If I sit and think about how little sleep im actually getting and how much needs doing (housework, entertaining ds etc) it all feels overwhelming. So I don't.I don't plan anything (unless dp or Dm are around to help)I just get up and see where the day takes us, to be fair im so conscious of keeping ds happy and entertained I've probably done more than I would have without Dd's arrival.my house is a state but we're all more relaxed.

coastingit hang in there. It will get better. You're quite clearly not the world's worst mum. It's just really fucking tough

Thank you all for the replies, positive and negative. I appreciate the honesty and needed a dose of reality. I hope those of you still struggling see a light at the end of the tunnel soon.

I haven't found it much harder than having one tbh. 2.5 years between my two. DD1 has just started to become reasonable so doesn't run off as much, behaves well and has a good vocabulary so is actually quite nice to have around and chat to. I find babies really boring and didn't really enjoy my last lot of mat leave - lots of long pram walks and not much else.

I would suggest getting out every day, (even when raining - that's what puddle suits are for!), get a cleaner if you can afford it and relax your standards. I've also found a sling and buggy board essential.

DD1 watches more TV than I'd like but we do lots of other activities so it balances out.

Try not to dread it - you will be surprised at what you can do and there may even be enjoyable moments!

Twins were my first children so I had two at once.

I love them dearly but still feel like I missed out on having the experience first time mums usually have. I don't know what it is like going from one to two. My life since having dc has been crazy, manic and shared. No way I would go to 3 dc though!