close agegap, regretts ...am I the only one?

[3andnomore]

Following onto another thread here....am starting to wonder if I am the only one that feels the way I do!
I had a 6 1/2 year agegap first time round, circumstances etc...but found it great all in all, if maybe a lil bit to big....but I had given es a lot of attention the first few years, etc...and was able to give ms the same, at least whilest es was at school....and it was all so easy...so, we decided to start trying when ms was 12 month, as it was just the right time circumstancial all in all, and I fell pretty quick...ms was 13 month old when I found out that I was pg again, so a 21 month agegap between ms and ys...and I have to say I have great regretts about this...I feel that all my children have missed out because of it...the younger 2 had only a short time with just me...in relation to the oldest one now...and I feel we all missed out! I wasn't able to enjoy neither my ms nor my ys much these past few years, as I found it a real struggle, and es definately is getting the short straw nowadays....am I the only one that feels regrettful and uncapable(sp?)?

oh god...i am weird and am the only one then....................sigh

I have about 2 yrs between my three. I think you just get on with it. It's hard, but it's how things are. Try not to analyse it too much and focus on the positives.

I mean, between each of my three. Obviously!

Message withdrawn

A big plus for me is knowing that once things get easier with dd2 and ds then that is it - I won't have to start all over again.

think there are pros and cons to all gaps..I was 7 when my mum had the first of my sisters and the next followed when I was 8. I hated being the eldest by such a gap and was always jealous of their closeness and everything we did revolved around them. My Dc there will be 3yrs from eldest to baby so can do similair things with them all at once. It is tireing and sometimes I do wonder if it was the best decision but I think whatever gap I had I would have wondered.

My three are close in age. Has both advantages and disadvantages.

The biggest disadvantage for the boys is that they are constantly being compared, and the biggest disadvantage for me and DH is the sheer relentlessness of it all.

The biggest advantage is that they are close, and tend to like similar things at the same time.

I'm sorry to hear you're having trouble with the spacing of your kids, but I'm rather pleased you're 'fessing up to this 'cos it's my plan to space my kids quite far apart. I suppose it's probably best to focus on how to improve how things are rather than than concentrate on past regrets though. Wish I could give you some better advice!

I think there's a bizzare form of peer pressure to have your kids close together. I certainly feel it now DD is 15 months and friends are falling pg left and right.

Thankfully I'm 27 so I've got plenty time to have another and it also helps that our finances are definately not healthy enough for another!

I think the argument that closer age gaps lead to closer bonds is nonsense. I have and have always had close relationships with my two brothers (6 years older and 8 years younger). The people I know with close age gaps between their siblings tend to bicker and fight with one another much more in comparison both as kids and adults.

i have 4 children there is a 3 .5 yr gap between my first two (only as my 2nd daughter died ) and just under a 13 month gap between my next two girls... I promise you that they would not have missed out on anything as they know no different, It maybe a up hill struggle for the fistt few years but it gets so much easier so quickly, when they hit a certain age.
I also have just over a three year gap between my 3rd and 4th, My oldest is 8 and youngest is 7 months and she loves it...she begs me to have another baby lol, Things will get better but I think that rather than regret what has happened look at it in a brighter light, they will (if not already) will go to school full time within a short space of each other, I pick my girls up, seperatly at lunch time and take them for something to eat just so that we get that lil bit of quality time together.

Its not easy at first but you should really try to enjoy them, as they will grow up close share the same interests, (something your oldest never had).

I hope i havent offended you, Its just my opinion.

Just incase i have confused anyone about my children;
dd1 is 8 now i had a 23 month gap between her and my dd2 who died at 11 hours there was a 18month gap between her and dd3 and just under 13months between her and my dd4, lastly a 3.3 year gap between dd4 and ds.

Every family is different. My boys are close (with the inevitable squabble here and there, lol). My brother and I fought like cat and dog and there's four years between us, DH and his sister have a similar age gap and they're good friends.

I had no peer pressure to have my children close together, it was just right at the time for us, and we're happy most of the time.

Having children is often a struggle though, whatever age the children.

I've got 18 month gap - 2 boys in consecutive academic years. It was hard at first, but once ds2 was about 4 it became just BRILLIANT for me. (And them, I hope!)

Also have 20mnth age gap, DS now 3 and DD now 20mnths. Last yr was sheer hard work and constantly felt like neither got much attention, but now is getting easier and they play together, they really enjoy each others company and learn so much about sharing, socialising, caring etc. My sis and I were 18mnths apart and have always been good friends. I think its harder for you than them and they will benefit in the long run from close relationship, also easier to do family activities as have similar interests and capablilities (also for me gets baby yearts over quicker). J

There is 3.5 years in total between my eldest and youngest and I have one in the middle.

For me it's the best way and I don't have any regrets about it at all. It's very hard work in the early days but with 3 boys so close together, now the youngest is 2, they play together brilliantly and they are entertained by the same things etc.

It's great. For me a big age gap is a no-no.

I've got a friend whose 2 DDs are EXACTLY one year apart (DD2 born on DD 1's first birthday). She said it was like having twins in a way, but it got better as the girls have got older

Thanks for all your replys, and no offence taken!
I mean, there are of course good points to the closer agegap...and WHEN (big when though, lmao) they play together nicely it's wonderful, and I am sure that my Kids probably don't think that they miss out (ok, es does, sometimes, bless)....and, well...maybe if we had waited longer to have another we may never would have had another one, and life without ys is, of course unimaginable...!
I just wish I was a better mummy and wouldn't get so stressed out all the time...and wouldn't always feel like I don't give anyone any time, etc...I think, it is especially times like this, where dh is away for a while, that it makes me even more aware of how hard I find it at times...!
Oh am rambling again, lol!