Wtf is going on? (Long...sorry)

[breadstixandhommus]

I have a 3yo ds who is hitting every button my body seems to possess, and I'm starting to feel at a loss at what to do.

Ds has been dry during the day (nowhere near dry at night but that's not even on my radar yet) for just over a year. He took to it well better than expected and accidents have been rare. These past couple of weeks have been verging on ridiculous though. To say he has regressed is an understatement! He is now wet more than he is dry, the accidents just keep coming, and I can't keep up with the washing ????

I have dipped his urine, to see if he had an infection, it was clear. I've asked him if he knows he needs a wee and he says he does but he doesn't seem aware of when he's done it or, if he does, he totally ignores it and doesn't tell me. This morning, for instance, he has gone through 3 pairs of trousers already. Not once did he tell me he'd done it, I happened to ask him if he needed a wee and he said he'd already done it. I'm getting so frustrated by this that I've started to react badly. At first I just whipped off the offending items, put them in the machine, then asked him to put on clean clothes. Now, 2 weeks later, I'm getting really cross and telling him off. He's running out of clothes and pyjamas because I don't own a tumble dryer and it's rained constantly for the past couple of weeks so it takes ages to dry stuff.

Alongside this, his behaviour is abysmal. His favourite saying is "no, I don't want to" he does the exact opposite to everything I say. He will do what I ask him not to, won't do what I ask him to. Every day is a battle and I don't know where I've gone wrong. It feels like he went to bed a couple of weeks ago and someone swapped my happy, willing, friendly, caring lovely boy for the complete opposite.

Please someone, tell me it gets better? I've got to the point that I dread the day when he wakes up. The whole situation wetting, behaviour is having a real effect on the family, it's getting us down and none of us are enjoying the time we are spending with him.....that makes me so sad ????

I felt really sad when I ready your post. Maybe he can't help it... I'm sure he's not wetting himself on purpose to intentionally annoy you! Maybe something had happened that you are not aware of at nursery, friends house, heard an argument etc something small can trigger unsettled behaviour like this off. Don't be hard on him. I'm going through this process now and no matter how many time my son wets himself I don't get annoyed or angry as he hasn't done it intentionally. If he's done it before he can do it again.., maybe something happened that had just simply unsettled him. Perhaps he just needs time and patience.

Sorry but simply dipping his urine won't show up an infection so I'd get it properly tested.

Also he is on,y 3, it's not unusual for them to regress at that age, stick a pull up on him and chill out a bit, he's just a baby still. He won't be doing this for ever.

I've read constipation can cause accidents, could that be causing it?

I wondered about constipation or a low grade UTI, poor little chap. I accept that it must very exasperating but getting angry with him could be fuelling the problem if it's due to anxiety.

Put him in pull ups and be as matter of fact as you can and get him checked out by the doctor.

has anything changed? pregnancy/new sibling/new nursery/move etc? any smaller changes that might be stressful for him? end of term/change in routine/different people around etc?

it does sound like a regression and if it were my child I'd be asking what's caused it.

If none of these things could he be holding on to his poo? This has caused my DS to have accidents at times. or is he so engrossed in playing he forgets or holds on until he can't any more?

I've no experience in wee accidents really (they've always been a one off or just a few drops because of poo holding) but DS went through several stages where he would only poo in a nappy despite us knowing he was capable of doing it in the toilet and we went through all the stages you have described...patience, bargaining, explaining, getting cross etc. The only thing that worked in the end was time. We just decided to not say anything. Just deal with the situation we were presented with and rest with the knowledge that it was a phase.

could you get him some cheap pants and trousers and just crack on? I know it's frustrating and it feels like it will never end but it will honestly!

IF he's doing it on purpose (and I very much doubt he is) then making a fuss will only make it worse. I think what's more likely is he can't help it so he needs your support. It will be worth it to remain calm in the long run

I know I'm starting to react badly, it doesn't make me feel brilliant, but I feel lost. I thought it maybe that he missed his sister, she lives 400 miles away and only comes in school holidays, but it still happens.

Dipping his wee is all a Dr will do and, as it doesn't show nitrites, leukocytes, protein or anything else for that matter it won't be sent off. And they won't give him antibiotics for a uti unless the dip is positive, and rightly so.

I have spoken to nursery and they don't think there has been a trigger there. He does the same there, wets himself but doesn't tell anyone and nobody knows any different until he starts smelling of stale wee.

Tbh it's a combination of things that's making life unhappy. The wetting thing and his awful behaviour. I have just spent most of the day waiting for him to blow, he's spent the past couple of weeks literally on the verge of a meltdown. It's taken so much of my energy just to try and deflect his attention away from his next tantrum. His poor sister has been the same, yet she's only 7......it shouldn't be like this.

He was so happy up until a couple of weeks ago, now he spends his time either screaming, crying, stamping his feet, hitting doors. It's such a drastic change and yet neither dp nor myself can come up with anything that has possibly triggered the change.

So is he still at nursery or has he broken up for the holidays? maybe he's really struggling with the change in routine/daily life of the end of term?....lots of children leaving to go to school, lots of talk of holidays and things being different. I don't know if all DC find it hard but my DS certainly does and it all comes out in behaviour

you say you're spending lots of time distracting him from having tantrums; what happens if you just let him tantrum and offer cuddles when he's done? it seems to me he's got lots of big feelings to let out

I do know what you mean of being on the 'verge' - that's the worst kind of behaviours I see in my DS 4.6, the 'needs a meltdown but hasn't quite been tipped over the edge yet' kind of stuff. I would be inclined to give him a metaphorical push, perhaps spending some one on one time (DC tend to need it when you least feel like giving it) and making him giggle and try and let it out. walking on eggshells probably isn't going to help him feel safe enough to let it go

I really feel for you. It's so hard when they can't tell us what's going on in their heads. hope things get better soon