Do I need to call Social Services?

[fairydust181912]

Sorry if this is in the wrong thread, I couldn't find one that was better matched. Might be a long one but I need to give a comprehensive account.

I have a friend who I have known since we were 11 (22 now). She had a baby girl three years ago as a teenager and things have not been going well since day 1 - but I'm starting to get really concerned. I think I need to make a complaint to Social Services, yet I have no idea how the process works or whether it is justified. There are several things setting off alarm bells:

1. She smacks (probably quite harshly) her three year old, swears at her, shouts her down from upstairs whilst she is asleep - on one occasion she screamed her to wake up at 1am whilst on the phone to me, before I could object!

2. She is starting to turn to alcohol and smokes weed - with her in the house.

3. She has shrugged off, yet mentioned, that nursery have complained several times about her child saying things such as "my dad is a wanker" and have expressed concerns about her parenting.

4. I strongly suspect she is leaving her three year old in the care of people incapable of looking after her, not really giving a shit as long as she has childcare. I once phoned her and she was asleep upstairs having left her baby in the care of some 'friends' and "some people she didn't really know" who had come with them.

To me this sounds like a list of reasons to call social services immediately but I know that there is a fine line between being a shitty parent and being abusive/neglectful. As well as this she often begs me for money to feed her child which makes me think that her daughter might often go hungry due to her mother's poor money management. Please could someone advise me? Also, if I do need to make a complaint, where do I begin?

Don't beat yourself up about it. Just make the call in the morning.

Thank you everyone.

I will update with general information when I've rung tomorrow, for anyone else in same position.

You should give yourself credit. A lot of people would not be making that call at all.

Well done for being a caring and perceptive person and for being a voice for this child.

If an adult posted on relationships and said they were being sworn at and hit, people would scream LTB!

Why the pussyfooting here with some posters? Incredible.

OP, I'm glad you're taking action. Ignore the softly softly utter rubbish. Please.

I just wanted to second the poster who said that talking to the parent puts the child in greater danger.

I was an abused child and I once (aged 5) told my teacher I was scared to go home. The teacher approached my mother, who laughed off my comment as a silly story, then gave me the beating of my life once we got home. From that point on, I kept silent about all of the abuse and that gave my mother the all-clear to increase the violence. It was horrible. I memorised the Childline number but was terrified of calling it. I wanted someone to help, to get me away from my mother, and no one ever did. I think NSPCC or SS is the best route, NOT talking to the parent. And THANK YOU for seeing and caring.

Her child is at risk - call SS.

Mynd

Phone social services, this child needs protection.

I am so glad you noticed and care.
Perhaps in the meantime you can support this child with meals, clothes and care. If you could drop in and check on her, I think it would be wise as an adult. There might be some fall out with the friend, but the child is the most important person to consider here. And your friend will need to change her lifestyle quickly, and who knows with the right support, some parenting classes and some help she may turns things around.

Did.you manage to get that call.made OP?

0808 800 5000 NSPCC adult helpline. I used to work for the NSPCC, they are extremely helpful and will be able to advise what to do and help with contacts in your area.

Talking to her won't do anything is SS have been involved in the past, clearly doesn't scare her into sorting herself out. Hitting a child, screaming and them and smoking illegal drugs in the child's presence screams a need for that child to get help and support.

How's it gone OP?

Hello all,

Decided after speaking to a friend of my mums who is a retired social worker that the best thing would be to go through the NSPCC, which I did and they are now dealing with it. Best thing I can do now is hear what happens through her as they told me they cannot (for confidentiality) update me further although they are obliged to act.

I also wrote to the local social services department for good measure just to absolutely make sure it is followed up.

Unfortunately now its a nervous wait to find out whether or not they will give my name, as my friend's father is quite abusive and has been known to knock people around for no good reason. Fingers crossed he doesn't come banging on my door. I did mention this to the NSPCC and they said I should be able to remain anonymous and that I should act as normal.

Regardless, just glad I managed to help the child.

Thank you for all the replies.

Well done! You did a great thing for that little girl.

In my experience they will absolutely keep you anonymous. Well done. It's a tough thing to do but it needed doing by the sounds of it

Your op made me so sad fairydust as no child should be treated like this - I give a monthly amount to the NSPCC which I decided to do when ds was born because the thought of anyone harming him brought tears to my eyes.

You have 100% done the right thing for that little girl - well done. Too many people would have turned a blind eye. I hope your friend will work with ss to prove she is capable of turning her life around.

Op this thread broke my heart . Screaming for a child out her bed . Did you phone ss ?? If so you have hopefully played apart In giving this little girl a better life x

You're brilliant. Well done, lass

Well done ~ thank you from all of us who felt so sad and worried for that little girl. Will you please keep us up to date so we know it works out?