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Parenting

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Original poster

Would you use a wedding creche?

50 replies

ApplesTheHare · 27/07/2015 20:01

My friend seems to really want me to use her wedding creche. DD will have just turned 1 but won't have started nursery yet. The creche runs from 5-9pm, and friend keeps saying 'there will be activities' when all DD will want is to have her tea, doss in front of cbbies and then crash out after some milk with her yucky beloved dummy.

Anyway, I told my friend months ago that I didn't think it would work out for dd and she keeps asking. Am I being really pfb about it...?

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ThinkIveBeenHacked · 28/07/2015 19:29

DD (3.5) would rather be on the dancefloor

DS (9mo) would rather be anywhere DD is. The only time I would want to use it is for the speeches. But they are what? 20mins total?

scarlettsmummy2 · 28/07/2015 19:29

I was bridesmaid for my best friend when my youngest daughter was the same age- I just didn't bring them! it was actually much better as it meant my husband and I both got to relax and have a night away in a nice hotel without a baby. Might be worth considering.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 28/07/2015 19:41

Oh yes that is better ! I love a childfree wedding. Im at a wedding next month and dd is the flower girl so she has to be there so we may as well bring ds - but id have much sooner been childfree!

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purplemurple1 · 28/07/2015 19:43

Id use it but I've two so they would have each other. Plus the nearly two yr old is in nursery and the 6 month old is so laid back anyone could look after her provided her brother is there for hugs and kisses.
My first on his own at one, maybe with older cousins but i would have needed to wait and see on the day.

Original poster

ApplesTheHare · 28/07/2015 19:48

scarlettsmummy tbh I'd leave DD with the GPs if I could but it's a 3-day wedding, so would be asking a bit much. It's also 4 hours from home so not like I could leave her for some of it.

Lili I wondered about separation anxiety as I've heard it's bad at around 1. She's nearly 11 months now and shows no sign of it but things change so quickly. Tbh the more I think about it the more I think it's just an issue because friend doesn't have kids and doesn't understand that when you're a parent you can't just stick them back in the box when it suits.

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knittingbee · 28/07/2015 20:07

Have a buggy draped with a muslin handy, get her into her PJs as the dinner wears on, pop her into the buggy if she needs it. I'm with you, no way would I leave my 1yo with a stranger. DC2 is 1 and she'd absolutely hate it :(

Original poster

ApplesTheHare · 30/07/2015 08:06

So having told everyone the creche is optional, and they need to do whatever they're comfortable with, wedding friend has now told everyone that she's hoping they all use the creche as they don't have enough space for everyone at the wedding breakfast

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StitchingMoss · 30/07/2015 08:14

All those saying they would never leave their kids with a stranger presumably don't use childcare for work - the staff at my boys' nursery were as good as strangers to me when I first left them but they're also professional childcare staff!

Original poster

ApplesTheHare · 30/07/2015 08:17

Yeah but Stitching you have the chance to meet and vet childcare staff in advance, can do settling in sessions and the staff know they need to do a good job in order to maintain their income. Temporary staff at a wedding for a day who kids have never met feels like an entirely different proposition!

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MythicalKings · 30/07/2015 08:17

Perhaps she will have to pay extra if DCs are at the breakfast.

She's offered to provide somewhere for the DCs and if you aren't going to use it maybe your DC should sit on her father's lap. Or maybe the venue will charge for that as well.

It's likely that she's worried about the speeches so reassure her that your DH will take DD out when they are happening. It is annoying for other guests when DCs make a noise during the speeches.

diploddycus · 30/07/2015 08:24

She probably wouldn't be paying for a 1 year old anyway, my venue was under 3's are free and children over 3 are half the price of an adult. I think that's fairly standard. Saying there's no space is not on when the children have been invited!

diploddycus · 30/07/2015 08:26

I think it's also standard for the venue to provide a highchair to sit next to the parents without charing for a "place".

Solasum · 30/07/2015 08:26

We went to a wedding like this, with adults in marquee in garden and children in the house. All the kids of school age And above were very happy with their pizza and DVDs. All the parents of littler ones (around me, anyway) basically spent the whole reception tag teaming into the house as the babies were upset. If I had been able to keep DS(about6mo) with me, he would have fallen asleep. It was a nice idea, but not workable

AngieBolen · 30/07/2015 08:29

My 1 to would have needed to be asleep by 7pm, and would have screamed if I tried to leave them.

I would have loved to use such a facility, my DC would have had other ideas, though!

StitchingMoss · 30/07/2015 08:32

I get that Apples but as others above have said, while it can be nice to have kids at weddings, the meal and speeches can be a challenge.

I've been to a few weddings where kids have been allowed to run riot during the service and speeches with their indulgent parents refusing to remove them and thus ruining the experience for everyone and meaning unmarried couples more likely to think "bloody hell not having kids at my wedding if this is what happens!"

StrumpersPlunkett · 30/07/2015 08:35

We had a crèche/children's party when we got married to cover about the same times as your friend..
We just automatically booked the number of nannies needed for all the children so there were enough if they were there for half an hour or 4 hours.
The 20 children ranged from 6 months old to 8 years. They had party food a magician and snuggly video area.
2 babies were in there whilst asleep only. The toddlers loved the magician and food and not having to sit still or be quiet during speeches. The older children played games. But it was understood that aside from the speeches they could come and go as much as they wanted.
For the most part it worked very well. Now I am older with kids. I would do things differently but tbh the whole wedding day would have been different now.

Original poster

ApplesTheHare · 30/07/2015 09:01

Stitching I get that the couple don't want kids running riot during the speeches but I'd never dream of keeping DD in there with us if she made a scene. DH would be even more mortified so she'll be leaving if she gets antsy. I just think it would have been better if she'd said it was a no kids wedding rather than inviting kids and then saying there isn't room for them to stay with their parents for their tea.

Strumpers If dd was older and already used to going to childcare I think she'd also like entertainment and food, but at 1 she's just knackered by 6pm and in bed for 7, not gearing up for a magic show and iPads, which is what the creche give them.

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Original poster

ApplesTheHare · 30/07/2015 09:02

dipplodycus I'm sure she'll be paying more for the creche anyway having looked at their prices. It's not cheap!

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MythicalKings · 30/07/2015 09:41

After DD has started to make a racket is too late. The speeches have already been interrupted.

Get DH to take her out before they start.

diploddycus · 30/07/2015 09:48

Yep, Apples if it's cost she's worried about then it'd be cheaper not to have a creche and the parents can look after their children, like I'd expect to do if I was invited to a wedding with my children. If it's space she's worried about then she's invited too many people! If it's noise she's worried about then she shouldn't have invited children but that's a whole other thread.

Original poster

ApplesTheHare · 30/07/2015 10:05

Mythical As I said I'd take her out if she started to get antsy, so for me that's looking moody and seeing her mood starting to change, not when she starts kicking off. She'll be long gone by that point if it happens.

Diploddycus I agree, a whole different thread... she seems to think you can just put children back in a box when it suits. We didn't invite children to our wedding because we didn't have enough space or the money to provide any entertainment, but the 4 children who would have been invited went to the GPs, which is surely better that strangers? If the wedding was a day instead of 3, I'd happily leave DD with family if friend's not keen on the noise of kids...

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AngieBolen · 30/07/2015 13:30

So really, your friend doesn't want your DD around after 5pm, so has provided child care.

If you don't want to use that child care, either you or your DH need to take your DD off for tea and bed.

Original poster

ApplesTheHare · 30/07/2015 14:46

Angie yeah that's my preferred option, friend is just keen for us to use the childcare instead. Like I say, I wish she'd just said it was a no kids wedding rather than inviting dd and then pushing childcare as we approach the big day

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diploddycus · 30/07/2015 14:50

That sounds about right Angie. Not very polite though, is it? When someone (anyone, no matter what age) is invited to a wedding the assumption is that they're welcome at all of it, not kicked out before dinner. Which goes back to the OP's point from a few posts ago - why bother inviting any kids (and forking out for a creche)?

AngieBolen · 30/07/2015 15:00

I can see where the bride is coming from, if she doesn't have DC....she's trying to keep everyone happy, without realising a creche for a tired one year old who just wants their parents is never going to work.

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