Harder being a mom than I thought

[Americanmom35]

Hi there - I have a 2.5 week old and I'm finding this all so hard. She is lovely and sweet but I don't feel emotionally connected to her yet and am just so exhausted from the constant cycle of eating pooping and sleeping - I just want to be able to take a break, and climb into bed in my pajamas and sleep for 12 hours. Right now I'm so anxious when I finally get her to bed I can't always sleep and often just cry. I also don't have my mom for support as she died from cancer 4 years ago and I miss her advice and support tremendously. Does it get better? I'm scared I'm not going to be a good mom because I'm finding it all so hard when I thought you were meant to be in bliss with your newborn loving every second and feeling this bond and joy. I just want to feel happy about being a mom so I can be the best mom I can be. Anyone else go through this? Any tips?

Can you get out and meet other Mums - just to see your normal. I don't know anyone who found the newborn stage blissful. Newborns require a ridiculous level of care at a time when you are hormonal and recovering from birth.

It gets so much easier! Those early days are really hard! Some people just say yeah I'm so happy with my gorgeous baby,as they don't want to admit they would LOVE someone to come take the baby away for a day! also finding other mums/breast feeding groups etc help loads too as you don't feel alone.My mum is around but not v supportive and I even had friends say It gets harder love! They just can't remember as it does get easier and when your baby actually hugs you,looks into your eyes and smiles it's amazing what you've done for them! Xx

Fafoutis- such brilliant advice. Get baby in a sling/ buggy and walk. It's amazing how much better after getting some fresh air and exercise. Also, join your local early parenting group. They are free and run by the nhs. You'll meet local mums and possibly make great friends.

Haven't very much advice except to say hang on in there and it really does get better. It is really, really normal and OK to feel overwhelmed. The hormonal surges after the birth can cause strong feelings of anger and tearfulness on top of the sleep deprivation and the new responsibility which will also affect mood. Watch a funny film or comedy when baby is asleep! Try to go out for a walk every day, preferably into a park or green space, it really helps, especially if the weather is nice. Try to see a supportive friend or family member each day so you are not alone all day. Don't feel you have to be really sociable though, and you are allowed to put off seeing people who may make you feel worse or annoy you, but the company of a good friend or family member may take you away from the immediate stress and anxiety. Good luck and congratulations on becoming a Mum!

BTW, the social thing isn't for everyone, though I know it helps many people. I never joined any baby groups and everyone I knew was at work week-days, but I walked 5 miles (off road) every day with DD in a front carrier and later a back carrier, and we loved it!

At 2.5 weeks I was sat in Debenhams cafe nearly crying as I tried to open a carton of baby milk whilst trying to console crying hungry baby. If it wasn't for two lovely ladies stopping to help me I'd have broken down myself. It's hard work. Wee one is now 6 weeks and it's only been the last one that I've not had to find a quiet place when out to have a cry.

I had a traumatic time at birth and there's no stopping. I needed stitches plus i had a chrst infection (coughing plus stitches = ouchie) You don't get a chance to let body recover as you would any other surgery when it's baby related. Even with help you are "on" all the time. Or at least I feel I have been.

It is starting to get somewhat easier as I'm figuring out her cries. Although keep missing the "I'm tired" one more often than not . And my wee one is so grouchy these past couple of days. Think she's got a cold but I'm considering renaming her as Oscar the grouch (I won't but it's making me laugh through the woes)

You'll get there. I find that mums net has been great. Go onto the post natal board and you'll find so many stories of people in same boat as you. That alone has kept me somewhat sane, in the whole IT'S NOT JUST ME, THANK THE GIDDY AUNTS!! way

Americanmom I know how you feel. My DD is now 8 months old, but I found the newborn stage SO hard. Like you, I don't have my mum to ask questions / give moral support as, like yours, she also passed away just over a year ago. Nobody tells you that the first few weeks are going to be like that do they?

My way of getting through it was going out everyday, rain, wind or shine. I walked for miles (literally) everyday as that was the only way I could get her to sleep. However, the benefit was that it got me out of the house and some fresh air in my lungs. I also had a really good health visitor assigned to me and she gave me loads of support / answered my million and one questions.

It took me a good few weeks to understand that I couldn't do everything. I thought / tried to continue as things had been before DD. What an error. After a few weeks I realised that we'd have ONE thing to do each day. It was then a real achievement if we did 2 things and I didn't feel crap that I hadn't done everything I thought was necessary.

As many others have said, it really does get better and easier . Keep going, I'm sure you're doing a great job.

You are doing great! You've both survived the day - as DH once said to me when I apologised it was Pot Noodle for tea again, that's more than the dinosaurs managed. Very eloquent, my husband

Have and , and snuggle your squishy baby. Have a goal for the day - putting on some clothes that are not pyjamas is a more than acceptable goal.

DS was 3 months before I felt anything for him - it was just a constant cycle of feed the baby, change the baby, wind the baby, rock the baby and repeat... it's hard work especially as you get nothing back. Then one day, they'll smile at you, or coo at you, and your heart melts knowing that is for you alone.

Reach out if you need help, but don't despair. It will pass and you will survive, because you already are!

I just wanted to recommend a lovely book I read (on my kindle during night feeds!) as I felt EXACTLY the same way. It's called "what mothers do" by naomi standen (I think thats the correct name). It summed up everything I was feeling and made me feel like I wasn't alone. I longed for my first baby but found it so hard-constant carousel and no real distinction between day and night.

As others have said, it really does get easier . I now have a gorgeous, spirited toddler and a two week old newborn, so clearly it can't have been all bad

I have a 10 month old and I've found every week easier and more enjoyable than the last. It gets far better once they are able to sit and then to crawl as she was able to entertain herself for at least 10-15 min bursts.