Gender stereotyping our babies - bit of a rant, but polite

[toddlerbob]

At a mother and toddler group today;

"it's a boy doll, is it okay if your ds plays with it?"

"stop attacking xxxx; you are a girl, be nice"

"I think that's such a boy thing to do"

"stop crying, be a big boy"

I just find it upsetting that our toddlers can't just be toddlers. Girls being told off for being too "male" and boys being shamed for wanting to play with "girl" toys.

Makes me mad.

can add though that some people do take this to the extreme, i know mums with girls who won't let them play with dollies (too girlie)so only have unisex or more tradition male toys and no dollies. even taking a dolly out of their hand sif they chose one to play with, thats just as wrong

A friend's dd used to come round on a weekly basis. She always made a beeline for the Duplo and played with it for ages. Her mum wouldn't buy it for her, as it's a "boy's toy" ...?!

DSS have a couple of dolls, ironing board and iron, teaset, (and used to have a cooker, pushchair and a cot), but I must admit they don't really get played with these days. (They are 5 and 6).

Definitely not keen on stereotyping in terms of role play games; ds has plenty of kitchen and cleaning toys and a couple of dolls.

But there are physical differences between boys and girls growing up which have only just been alluded to I think. The testosterone surge at 4-ish is one - not an excuse for bad behaviour, but something to be anticipated so it can be handled appropriately.

The other is the difference in fine motor skills so most boys (NOT ALL!!!) will be slower than girls at mastering holding a pencil/using scissors etc. There are loads of other biological differences but I agree that they shouldn't be assumed to be present in all children, but it's worth being aware of them IMO.

However I was really upset by the extreme bias I found in one of Miriam Stoppard's parenting books - she went as far as including a "list" of what girls will be able to do "better" than boys!! Surely it's about difference not perceived one-upmanship. Having just had ds, I was in tears believing how inferior and delayed he was just by being male. Grrrrrr.