Can't handle the lack of progress - stressed out big time!

[horrifiedmum]

I've just broken down and cried for about half an hour solid over my 2yr 4mth daughter. I started potty training her 8 weeks ago and don't seem to have progressed at all. The first week I went straight to knickers but after about 10 days and numerous regular accidents I started to use pull ups at times too. Having got no where I have gone back to knickers again but I just don't know what to do.
This morning started off really well, then she wet herself all over some toys and playdough on the floor (minutes after I asked her if she needed the potty and she said no). I lost it with her big time and shouted (I know, all the things I shouldn't do) then within minutes of cleaning it all up, I went in her room where she was playing and she'd done a poo in her clean knickers. This really did it for me, went mental again and just broke down. Then she says 'your making me cry now mummy' and starts herself.
I don't know what to do, I can't handle it anymore. She was more than ready to start, in fact I would have started her sooner but delayed it by a few months as I had my third baby in July. She was at times taking her nappy off and going off to toilet by herself and well aware of what it was for etc so I don't think I have started too soon but what do i do.
I have been under some extreme stress lately and she is also having tantrums (I think I handle those ok though) and I feel sometimes that i hate her and I know its so wrong becuase she is beatiful and i think i am the one with the problem, not her. She has so many positive points, she is a lovely child most of the time but I don't know what to do. I'm sat here now with tears streaming down my face as i feel so guilty and useless and that its my fault becuase I had another baby and thats why she is jealous.

Sorry for the rambling but should I revert back to nappies or would that just make it worse. I just can't see an end to all this and can't cope with all the cleaning up every day (poo on her sisters new cream carpet the other day) whilst looking after my 4 month old baby. I don't want to confuse her but I jsut think i am treating her unfairly becuase of the way i feel and i feel so guilty having the negative feelings about her as i know she can't help it but how do i get the message through to her so she starts using the potty consistently

Hi horrifiedmum sound like u are well stressed out about this - u have enough to cope with with having a young baby aswell i would say go back to nappies to give yourself and your dd a break and just forget about it for a couple of months yet - in the meantime just keep talking to her about wet and dry etc and if on occasion she does take her nappy off and take herself to the toilet then great u can give lots of praise. u have plenty of time before start nursery etc. one thing i did find with my eldest ds is that when u do start potty training in future once you've put in pants don't go back to pullups or mix the 2 as this completely confused my ds and set us back initially. good luck hun x

She doesn't sound anywhere near ready to me - I'm inclined to say give yourself and her a break and put her back into nappies until she's ready.

She's still very young, there's plenty of time to do this when you're less stressed by the fact she isn't able to do it yet.

Hi, you sound in exactly the same position as me. I had dd2 in July and started trying to toilet train dd1 (2.3) a few weeks ago as I felt she was ready. After 3 days it was very clear that she was not as ready as I thought she was so I just went straight back to nappies. I felt that I had enough to cope with and so did she (with new arrival) without putting extra strain on ourselves. Will try again after New Year, I think.
I think you should give yourselves a break - you don't want her to have bad associations with the potty which she will quickly get if this keeps up. You've also got Christmas coming up with all the disruptions to routines that it brings. Get her back into nappies and give her loads of praise when she does anything/tells you she's done a poo etc. Take her to the loo with you (I don't get a choice!) so she can see what your doing etc.
Hope it all works out for you - you've got enough on your plate with the new baby so don't put yourself under all that extra pressure. Good luck

She really doesn't sound ready. Go back to nappies for a couple of months (or even more) and give both of you a break.

Won't nappies again just confuse her even more? Just thinking about all the fuss about being a big girl etc and big girl knickers, don't want her to feel like she is a baby again. Its going against all the things we have said to her and could possibly make her feel worse.

Its that she can have days when she is fine all day (usually with prompting and sitting her on the potty) so she understands what it is all about. Is she rebelling on purpose or for a reason? Strange thing is that she has only had a wet nappy at night about 4 times in the 8 weeks and manages to hold on until she goes on the toilet when she gets up!

i started when dd1 was 2.4 and she had accidents all the time for 4 MONTHS. honestly, if she will go back into nappies then do it. mine refused "i'm a big girl, i don't wear nappies anymore" etc etc..
after about 4 months she suddenly got it and was dry within a week. so please just stop and come back to it in a few months. it will also be much easier when the weather is nice. i hate that we had 4 months of me feeling confined to the house, nagging her to use the potty/toilet, getting frustrated when she wet herself etc.. she was acting as if she was ready but physically i don't actually believe she was. She was having so many accidents - when she suddenly was ready, she went from weeing 10+ times a day to only about 3 or 4.
Good luck and don't beat yourself up over it. I lost my temper a good few times too. i don't think you can help it when you are cleaning up wee over and over and over no matter how patient you are!

forgot to say that within the 4 months we did have days without accidents (or just a few) but that was when she was in the mood to be compliant and we were just successful because she was "having a try" on the potty every 30 mins or so. i was simply "catching the wee" - she wasn't actually feeling it, holding it and doing it.