Name changed as I'm so embarrassed and ashamed 
3 dc aged 9 6 and 6mth . Since dc3 was born it's all gone a bit tits up. Dc3 is such a good happy smiley pleasant baby sleeps 12 hrs at night you couldn't wish for a better easier baby. I love this child with so much a little smile from him just melts my heart we have a fantastic bond I think it's him that keep me going from day to day.
It's my relationship with the older dcs that is the problem. They don't listen to a word I say don't do anything I ask everything is a constant bloody battle even the simplest of requests, they just blatantly ignore me and carry on doing whatever the hell they want. Dc1 is full of attitude constant back chat kicking off and stomping off out the door and up the street when things don't go his way,if I ask him to do anything at all his response is "make me ". Dc2 doesn't do anything at all she doesn't want to do and has started to run off when we are out. I know none of these things are major issues but constant of it all has ground me down so much. At the weekend we were in the park when it was time to go home dc2 darted off up onto the hills despite me shouting for her to come back for ages she just turned round laughed some more and ran even further away, in the end I got so worked up I walked home and left her I LEFT A 6YO ON HER OWN BY HERSELF WHAT TYPE OF MUM DOES THAT??? dh had to go back and find her she was put straight to bed when they got home. Dh and I ended up arguing and I have spent ever since pretty much in tears.
I know deep down they're not bad kids but why are they such little bastards for me?? It's all got too much at the minute I'm ashamed to say it but I can't stand to be around them. I could easily walk out the door with dc3 and not come back. Dh knows how I'm feeling and has begged me not to he tells me I'm a great Mum and he'll have strong words with the children but at the moment something has got to give it's either them or me so grandparents have agreed they can stay there for a couple of days to give me a break.
As If that's not bad enough here's where the honesty comes in I don't feel like I want them back I'm actually dreading seeing them again on Wednesday. They love going to grandparents so they will probably see this as some type if reward sleeping 2 nights in a row.
I've tried to discipline them sending them to bed taking away privileges etc but they don't care. I've not been sleeping well for ages and been getting over anxious about all sorts it's now all coming to a head. The other week I was so stressed out all day just because they wouldn't eat their breakfast I was so wound up all day over something so insignificant I couldn't calm down.
Not sure what I want from this thread probably just to claim this year's worst mother award.