First day alone with toddler and newborn

[OneFlewOverTheMumsNest]

Tomorrow will be my first full day alone with 3yo and almost 3wo dd's. DD2 is a voracious feeder. I have a sling but I haven't mastered the art of feeding in it yet. Any hints and tips as to how to survive!?

Following thread with interest. Due in January and DD will have just turned three. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified!

A couple of other things - both my DC were ebf. With DC1, I was always sat somewhere comfortable (whether at home, at a friends or in a coffee shop). DC2 was fed at top of the slide at soft play as DC1 couldn't quite get herself over the lip of the slide but otherwise could run around the whole frame, at the top of the climbing frame in the park (similar issue), on a garden wall whilst DC1 had a tantrum at my feet and on a lot of park benches. You adapt!
With DC1, in the first few months, DP would sometimes come home from work and find me in my PJs having not had a proper meal all day. With DC2, we were all dressed and out by 8.45 three days a week to get DC1 to nursery and on the other two mornings DC1 had an activity to get to by 10am. Likewise, she had to be fed so I ate too. I still don't know quite how this happened!

This was me a few months back, I have DD who is now 2.9 and DS who is nearly 5 months.

Things were really tough as DS had a tongue tie, so feeding him was hard and had lots of problems. I used a sling loads, he had most of his naps in there. Good in some ways but I don't find that it makes you truly hands free, I struggled to play properly with DD with him in the sling. Thankfully his tongue tie problems are much improved and he now naps in his pram in our kitchen , when he's asleep I can play with DD. When he's awake I try and play with them both, can already see how much they interact, it's lovely.

I have cbeebies on for DD a lot and don't feel guilty in the slightest. Most of the time it is just background noise for us both, and I'm usually chatting to her, or she is playing, looking at books. But it's great for when DS needs me, or I have to get him to sleep. At least DD is happy, it won't cause her any harm.

My DH does a really crappy shift pattern and is often hours late too, which can be really hard. I try and make meals as simple and quick as possible. I know people say forget about housework but we've managed to keep on top of it and we really don't spend much time on it, a couple of hours a week if that. I try to keep things tidy and put things where they belong as we go along, doesn't take much time and means when proper cleaning is done it's much quicker. Also keeping on top of the washing makes a big difference, I tend to put on a load most days. Those dye catch sheets are great for this too, to put on mixed loads and get things done quicker. I find it much easier to function if the house is still tidy, even if I haven't had the chance to actually clean the bathrooms, kitchen etc fully. Also accept I can't do things as thoroughly as I'd like but cleaning the bathroom very quickly but fairly regularly is still 'good enough'. I basically run around like a headless chicken to get all this stuff done but I don't mind really.

When I get the chance, I try and do things ahead of time to make things easier, for example getting outfits out for the next day in the evenings, getting meals prepared ahead of time. I made lunch at 10.30 today when DS was happy on his playmat then put it in the fridge, DS napped at 12 so DD and I ate lunch then. Get things ready for bedtime early in the day, things like that.

Oh and I get my food shopping delivered, makes life so much easier!

Sometimes one of them has to wait but it generally isn't for long, and they both seem happy little things so it really can't be that bad for them. Admittedly though I have found this really hard at times as DD was never left to cry ever! I've found it stressful but then I try to envisage them as older children playing, or as adults, when none of this stuff will even matter!

For various reasons the first few months were really hard at times but for the past few weeks, things are feeling a bit easier and more settled, I feel more in the swing of it all now. It does get better, I think it just takes a while to adjust.

Remember that - you know more than DC; they don't know you're panicking unless you show it; they can't tell the difference between rational and irrational Mummy if you smile; you are the expert on your own DC; fresh air is good; adult conversation is good; Radio 4 has intelligent adults talking at any hour of the day if your head is fried; eat when older DC eats; drink when baby feeds.
Bon courage!

I second getting the bag ready and up and out by 9 if you can. Even if it's raining, you can cover the baby and a toddler will love a puddle walk. Get them to hold the pram, if you don't want to use the sling and you can't hold a toddler hand and push a pram. You could use reins but if you don't like them the rule I had was unless I say so, hold the pram/ buggy/ my hand.

If there is a coffee shop you can walk to, and bf in whilst toddler has warm milk and a cake and you read them a story whilst bf that might be nice. Take crayons and a pad as well, you can draw a plane or something and they colour it and tell you and baby a story.

Then home for lunch, nap, and a play, then tidy time!! And then TV. . I spent hours and hours letting my ds help and learn to play with his sibling. It's paid off because they play together, take turns and are best of friends. Mostly!

Then tea, bath and bed. Toddler can watch CBeebies whilst you cook if they are tired.

One last thing (which will seem crazy right now but worth it) - get your DD to "share" with the baby from the off. It might not be quite the same for you but with a smaller age gap I found my toddler was quite interested in the baby's toys. From the start I encouraged him to "ask" baby's permission to play with them and later on, when Ds2 could hold things of his own, DS1 wasn't allowed to just take things off him - he had to swap it for something else (even if that was a tea towel or a hairbrush!).
Made life much easier in the long run as DS1 never snatched toys off Ds2 and they've always been pretty good at taking turns....

Thank you thank you thank you for this thread! I'm due in January. DS will be 4.5 but still loving the tips on here. Those of you who have a new baby with a toddler have my utmost admiration.

Joysofboys- that takes me back a bit:) I remember doing that! And if the baby wanted something do had got, we asked ds nicely to swap ( I pretended baby held something I thought ds might want, til they could) and if ds said no, I said " ok, when you're finished with it then" which was normally about 2 mins later as baby had a dinosaur or something and ds wanted to swap:)

Sharing isn't handing stuff over on command:) and the baby learnt not to snatch.

Ah, loving all the tips here - it's making me remember the tough stuff and the lovely stuff all at the same time. Totally agree about sharing/swapping etc - we always said that if you have a toy and you haven't finished with it, you don't have to give it up - but that means that if the baby is playing with something you can't take it either. We still sometimes get 'but I had it first' (meaning, 'I was playing with it half an hour ago' ha ha), but in general it worked and it made her much more inclined to give up toys she was playing with as we weren't forcing her to do it, if you see what I mean.

And PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE for the older one. It worked with mine, anyway, as she's a wild thing but a people pleaser :)

I used a sling for 10 months, mainly because I couldn't afford a double buggy. It wasn't always easy to play, as an earlier poster said, and it got heavy and tiring some days. But I lost a bit of weight that way, and DD2 was the type not to want to be put down. It didn't bother me because I had the sling. Otherwise I'd have been carrying her always in my arms.

A tip I had from MN when I was in the same boat was to do loads of make believe with your eldest. I hate make believe but it worked brilliantly. I'd be sat in bed or on the sofa bf'ing and, if DD was looking a bit bored or grumpy, she'd come over and we'd go off in our space ship. We had to pretend to put on our astronaut clothes, pack our astronaut picnics etc before we even began to fly anywhere. Within days, it had taken on a life of its own and she'd run off to get her mittens and wellies, her bag, some play food etc and then various bits which were the steering wheel and levers and things. Days old DS always got given some job and the necessary implements for doing his job.

These are all brilliant, thanks so much. Yesterday went well although was mainly TV in the afternoon as dd2 was cluster feeding from about 2pm - 10pm. That seems to be her pattern so definitely making the effort to get out in the morning when feeds are a bit more spaced out.

Although chaotic, we managed to get to ballet for 10.30 this morning and have been at soft play since the class ended. That's covered lunch (and cake) out as well!

I'm finding the sling invaluable to getting anything done as dd2 (like number 1!) wants to be held all the time. I agree you can't necessarily move as much as when in the pram but otherwise I'd not get anywhere.

Dd1 with childminder for rest of the week (another source of guilt but she does love it) so will have to save all these tips as I'll probably forget everything again by next week.

It does easier! Especially once they're old enough to properly play together and entertain each other. My only job now is being referee to sort out endless scraps and squabbles. But I wouldn't want it any other way!