What am i doing wrong ?? Is it me or is it her ??

[Nutcracker]

I have asked for advice about my dd (4.4 yrs) before, but things aren't getting any better.
I just cannot get her to behave.
Today when the bloke came to inspect the flat she started climbing on the sofa and jumping off (the top i mean). Then we went to have a look in a few shops and i literally spent the whole time searching for her. In MFI she even hid in a wardrobe for 10 minutes. In the carpet shop she ran around and had me having to chase after her and then she dissapeared back into MFI as we walked past.
I know all kids can play up at this age but i really cannot get her to do anything. I try to stay as calm as poss and try to distract her from whatever she is doing wrong but it doesn't often work.
If i ask her to come and hold my hand or the pushchair she screeches and runs off. If a stanger speaks to her she'll screech and look away.
Nursery say that she is fine when she's there apart from not really trying to join in with others.
So what am i doing wrong ?? Dd1 was never like this and i'm just not sure what to do with her anymore. I dread taking her out alone. Dp was there today and i struggled to control her.
If i was on my own with her and she ran off i couldn't chase her cos i'd have ds with me.

Nobody, anybody, i'm getting pretty desperate.

I have much sympathy, Nutty. I can't suggest anything practical, but do you think the impending move and uncertainty are upsetting her? We moved house when my ds was 4 and he was really, really bothered by it, even though it was only 5 minutes away to a nicer house. I just wondered if she might settle down a bit once you've moved? Hope so, anyway!

Is it worth trying to sit down and talk it all through with her, see if she has any worries? My ds hadn't realised he would be allowed to take his toys with him, for example (bless, he thought that we would just move in to the new house and keep all their worldly goods and leave ours behind). Maybe just try and have a calm time with her, just the two of you and try and draw her out a bit?

Nutty - don't know what you could do, cos you're probably doing it all already. Certainly sounds like you're a very busy lady just now and she's trying to get your attention! Best of luck.

TBH I don't think the house move has anything to do with it. She has always been very difficult to handle but i just assumed it would get better with age, but it hasn't.
Am just a bit stumped as to what to do next, and a bit alarmed at her behaviour. Ds is starting to copy her too.
I have virtually stopped taking her out on my won if i have ds with me because it's too risky. She has run into the road befor now.

Lots of sympathy, Nutty. Ds1 is also a nightmare to take out, especially if I have ds2 with me at the same time. If we go anywhere other than playgroup I tend to use a wrist-strap for him. I don't know if your dd would tolerate this?

It also helps a bit when ds1 knows exactly where we are going. If he knows where he is expected to go to next he strays less than if we are just wandering from shop to shop. Maybe you could try saying to dd "We're going to this shop first and then that one."

If jumping on furniture is a big problem then would you be able to get her one of those small trampolines when you move house? Ds1 uses his quite a bit. It helps him use up a bit more energy and also gets the 'bouncing' out of his system for a while. I think ours came from Argos.

Have you threatened her with reins or a wrist band? Some children see this as a retrograde step and would do anything to avoid it. I have in the past put DS2 in reins even though I thought he was too old for them simply because it was the only way I had any control over where he was. If you don't have any, buy some and take them with you. Make sure she knows you have them and USE THEM IF YOU HAVE TO. She'll soon get the message.

She couldn't have picked up on any worry about the blood test, and the nursery being concerned about her? I know it's not really a new problem, but it does sound like there's some underlying anxiety about something.

She can get out of a wrist band and if i put her in reins she simply lifts her feet up so i end up half carrying and half dragging her along.
Maybe i should just accept that she's difficult and get on with it. Just seems such a shame that i dread taking her out.
She is soooo stubborn and won't back down for anything, so reasoning with her doesn't usually work.

Coppertop - A trampoline is definatly on the list

I think it is a personality thing - so you could be in it for the long haul.My dd is 8 and has progressed to door slaming, answering back and really I find it difficult to enjoy her company sometimes. Other dd 7 is completely different much more mature in a way. Another friend had same problems when her dd was 4 and felt they had a pesonality clash. but she really tried spending quiet time alone with her and learning to like her again and instead of getting irritated by every little thing and reacting to it just intervened when it was life threatening.

Hmmm i don't know anymore. Don't get me wrong she is soo funny and adorable alot of the time, it's just when we are out she changes completly.

I know i've mentioned it before but the screeching thing troubles me alot. It just seems so not normal (couldn't think of a better way to put it, sorry). It's not a high pitched screech more like a loud eeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrr. She will do it if i talk to her and she's in a strop or if someone she doesn't know talks to her. It can be very embarrising. The checkout lady in Asda asked her a question today and eeeeeeerrrrrrr was her response, as it was also to the man who came to look at the flat.
Just seems strange, i've never noticed anyone else do it.

Nutcracker your dd sounds just like my friends dd, also the second child she is sooooo full of energy, my friend took her along to a parents meeting with her elder dd's headmaster, dd2 managed to turn the room upside donw and oh yes smack the head... My friend was so upset and felt awful, head didn't seem at all fazed merely remarked I see you have your hands full!!! She sounds normal to me, you're definately not alone. Sorry no help whatsoever....

Morning nutty ( any news yet BTW?), just thought I'd let you know that out Ds1 does the silly noise thing quite alot and I think it's just a way of hiding behind the first flushes of being embarrassed about stuff. I remember being mortified when a grown up spoke to me as a child.

Our Ds1 was 5 last week and now answers a stranger but goes a slight red shade whereas with family if he's embarrassed he'll just run off doing the Errrrrrrgggghhhhhhh noise going slightly red.

Hope this helps......

Hi
I havent read all the thread, so appologise if I'm repeating advice.
My dd1's behaviour is seriously affected by what she eats. Smarties area a no no! Bouncing off walls! I avoid sweets, but allow chocolate (quality ones like cadbury and dairymilk). No low fat stuff 'cos of artificial sweetners. Proper sugar okay in small quantities. Water (fizzy as a treat), milk or diluted pure fruit juice as drinks. Appletize is good.
It took us a while to identify offending items, but she is much calmer - still active, a bit of a loony, but controllable and quite well behaved.
Lack of sleep is a killer too.
I'm caffeine-sensitive, so maybe she has inherited something?
Hope this helps
PS we are not Mr&Mrs organic no treats types, just careful.

emmatmg - Oh thanks for telling me that. I'd never noticed another child doing it before. Think you are right it probably is embarrasment or her way of not speaking to people she doesn't like.

Tillymint - I could try looking at her diet, but i wouldn't really know where to start. She is having health probs too at the mo so i'm abit wary of changing her diet at all.

nutcracker, i have been following your other thread on your dd with the blood tests and nursery etc and it just sounds odd that your whole post on the thread was about her being quiet, sometimes vacant and spaced out, tired and lethargic and this thread is so so the opposite, energetic, less easily controlled etc.

Do you think that when you are around but not giving her your attention maybe she plays up to try to get it? or
It may be an allergy or insulin related either way hope it levels out soon and that the results are good news on monday.