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Parenting

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Original poster

DC age 5 or 6: have you been away for the weekend without them?

37 replies

AngelDog · 05/07/2015 23:34

I'm interested to know if you've been away for the weekend with your DH without them, and if yes, roughly how often?

DH thinks that by this age, it's a normal thing to do but I'm less sure it's as common as he thinks. I also have a nearly 3 y.o.

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slightlyeggstained · 06/07/2015 15:58

DS only three but I can't see it being likely for both of us to go away for the weekend until he's old enough for sleepovers with friends as only one nearby grandparent, who isn't capable of looking after him overnight.

I think your DH is going to be disappointed re: bfing though. By 3, if he's a real milk monster, I'd expect your younger DS to pick up again without missing a beat. I've been away for twice as long & DS was perfectly happy.

OldBeanbagz · 06/07/2015 15:58

We're very lucky that the grandparents have had our DC to stay since they were 6 months old.

So we've had a few anniversary trips away and they also cover overnights when we're working away. The longest i've spent away from the DC is 10 days though this was when they were 13 & 10 (we kept in touch via Skype).

I think it prepared them for trips away with school. Neither of them have ever been homesick when away from us.

Original poster

AngelDog · 06/07/2015 16:10

Outwith, you are absolutely right about the bf'ing issue. DH has always disliked it and I've been feeding either one and/or the other for 5.5 years now. He feels like me bf'ing is by definition neglecting him so me carrying on makes him feel bad about our relationship. Him pressurising me to stop makes me feel bad about our relationship.

DS2 has had some health issues, has quite a poor appetite and only eats a pretty small range of foods, so I worry about it affecting his health when he stops. DS1, who had similar issues, though not so bad, had bad problems with worsened stomach pain, eczema and dreadful constipation when he stopped breastfeeding, and it took a year to get him back to the point he was at when he stopped nursing. DS2 doesn't tolerate any types of dairy apart from camel milk, which we can't afford and which he usually refuses to eat/drink in any form.

DH would be desperate to go away for the weekend even if I weren't bf'ing, but he sees it as a bonus that it would force me to stop. "It would be a good way to make DS2 stop having milk - he'd have to realise he can manage without it," was one of the comments he made when he was trying to persuade me that it'd be a good idea to go away for the weekend. :( I would spend the whole time dreading what would happen when we got back and DS2 wanted milk again. It's hard to discuss going away without involving the bf'ing issue in some way.

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Outwith · 06/07/2015 16:50

Oh Angel, that sounds really difficult . I don't understand why your DH thinks that you BFing is taking something away from him though. What is the magical thing - time / attention / breasts?

lexyloub · 06/07/2015 18:07

I can see your dh view to a point in regards to your ds realising he can manage without it. I'm sure at 3 it shouldn't be a massive factor in his food intake. Maybe you should speak to a dietician with help to get him to eat and drink different things that aren't going to upset his stomach with the intolerance he has. Realistically how much longer did you think you could carry it on until he's at school??? I think you need to get some help with that 1st then you'll be more comfortable to stop bf when your ready knowing he's going to be ok on whatever he does eat and drink. 5.5yr bf is tough going well done you, I think your dh although rather insensitively wants you to stop to give you a break you've literally been constantly attached to your children for 5 long years - maybe he does feel a bit neglected. Let's face it he clearly fancies the pants off you and wants a dirty weekend away with his wife and have her all to himself he's just approached it without much thought or tact.

SocietyClowns · 06/07/2015 18:13

No, we have no family so haven't had a night away from the dc since the first was born eight years ago.

rhetorician · 06/07/2015 22:12

a few overnights and a couple of weekends - girls are now 3 and 6. Our situation is a bit different as we are same-sex couple but with an involved donor - or rather involved parents of donor , so it suits everyone to have space - this was (I felt) hard on the girls when smaller, especially when they stayed at theirs (easier when they come to our house), but they actually love all the attention/lack of grumpy mothers

RhinestoneCowgirl · 06/07/2015 22:22

DD stopped bf on her 4th birthday. I went away for weekend a couple of times while she was still feeding (although on my own so DH home to look after DC) and she just resumed when I came back.

At no point did DH push me to stop bf. She fed in the night until 2ish.

DC didn't spend time away without us until youngest (DD) was nearly school age. They stayed at my parents for a week while DH & I went to work. We don't have family living nearby.

Original poster

AngelDog · 08/07/2015 20:45

Yes, we've seen a dietician, lexylou, who unfortunately wasn't very helpful. :( DS2's eating has improved massively from what it used to be, and I was just hoping to make a bit more progress in the same direction before I have to stop. Even if we can just get to the point of affording some camel milk, that'd be an improvement.

DH seems a bit more relaxed the last couple of days and is sorting getting beds for the spare room so his parents can come & stay so we can at least make a start on going out in the evening. :)

OP posts:

Artandco · 08/07/2015 20:49

Loads. We have done weeks away too since both were about 6 months.

I don't think breastfeeding should be the issue here. Mine also breastfed until 3 years, but both knew they couldn't when I wasn't there. One thing though I never fed them to sleep so that association wasn't there.
They sleep anywhere, at home usually share our bed, but happy to sleep alone/ on sofa/ camping at grannies.

bobajob · 08/07/2015 21:07

Of course, from about 6 months (and still breastfeeding).

lexyloub · 08/07/2015 21:41

IME hes at an age where they get notoriously fussy I remember ds1 would eat anything and everything as a baby then as he got to around 3 he mainly lived on sandwiches yogurts and chicken dippers. Making him have school dinners was a turning point for him (I know your a while off this) he tried new things because he saw his friends eating other things and followed suit eventually his tastes varied again and now will eat most things apart from potatoes not even chips

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