Sons nightmare friend

[Thaigal]

My son (7) doesn't have many friends at school, he's not your 'typical lad' and thinks more of music than football etc.

Anyway he is in year 3 now and has had his fair share of bullying over the past few years but he does have 2 friends who he occasionally goes to tea with or invites them back here.

Anyway the first kid used to be ok when he came over but once he got "used to me" his behaviour changed for the worst when he was over here and as a result the visits became less frequent.

Anyway the second kid came back for the first time a few months ago, I assumed he would be better behaved than the other kid as he came from a "well to do" family etc and seemed a nice lad...anyway he was a nightmare, he was so hyper, ran around the house like it was christmas day, dragged toy after toy out of the toyboxes before leaving them all over the floor and getting more out, continuously nagged for drinks and ended up drawing all over my sons bedroom wall and writing his name on the door in felt tip!! . I was not pleased as you can imagine.

So a couple of weeks ago my son asked if the first kid could come over again, after the nightmare with kid2, kid1 didnt seem that bad!! so I agreed....what a mistake.

He was 100 times worse than ever, he started playing up as soon as he came out of school, he attacked my younger son in a "playfight" but as he's almost twice his size he ended up knocking him to the ground, in the car he was throwing things around whilst I was driving, throwing things at me and throwing penny's at my younger sons head, when we got home we had a "playfight" with my elder son before again turning on my younger son and smashing his head into the wood floor cutting his face and breaking his glasses , he was rude, he was swearing, he was telling my eldest son not to listen to me, he broke one of DS1's toys and then to top it off he refused to get his shoes on when it was time to go home so I stood there like an idiot trying to get him to get his shoes on without shouting at him or obviously touching him.

When I eventually got rid I had a thumping headache and I told my son that neither of these boys would be coming over again.

Anyway the past couple of weeks have been bad for my son where bullying is concerned (nothing to do with these boys) and my son has asked if kid1 can come over again next week if he promises to behave and not hurt DS2, I said no but ended up feeling sorry for my sons lack of friends and agreed that he could come over one day next week.

I'm now dreading it and really want to change my mind, would it be unfair to do so? would you have this kid over again? am I expecting too much of these 7 year olds?

I would only have him over if his parent came too. There is no way that I would put up with even a smidgen of that behaviour in my own home.

Can you find out if any of the other kids in his class are nicer?

Phone their mothers! Gosh that sounds awful!

Just tell them if they don't behave, you will ring their mother to collect them and tell their mother why.

crikey! my 3 are all 3 and under so no experience to offer.

but boy am i looking forward to when they are 6, 7 and 8 !!! NOT

There is no way on Earth I would have those kids in my home again.

Despite feeling bad for your elder child, it is not fair on the little one.

If you want to encourage the friendship could you take them to a softplay centre or playground instead? Or could you encourage your DS to go to groups outside of school to make friends there with different children?

Bloody hell! Lord of the Flies!

You need to get firm. Don't worry about upsetting child visitors by being firm. These kids will know they are behaving badly. Be brusque and firm. Tell them at thebeginning what the rules of your house are - no hitting, name-calling, vandalism etc. Don;t shout but have a loud firm no-nonsense voice. Try directing them toward scertain activities.

Pretend you're Mary Poppins.

Good luck!

Agree, phone their mothers! Failing that, definitely choose neutral ground, preferably with their mothers in tow so you can bail out at any time. Having their mothers there should also make them behave as I doubt they would get away with that at home.

If you do have the "friend" around again, get one of his parents to collect him at going home time and they can deal with the getting shoes on stuff! Also you can threaten him with telling them face-to-face about his behaviour if he misbehaves.

I do agree that you need to be firmer with these kids - I would have absolutely no qualms about telling them off (and phoning the parents to collect them early if necessary). Don't think 7 year olds should be behaving like this.

I know what it's like, I've had these nightmare playdates when I can't wait for the clock to go round. However, after being polite to them initially, I now treat ds mates like my own kids, and don't have an issue with either telling them off or telling their mums. I would expect their mums to tell me if ds was behaving so badly at anyone elses.

Are there any other boys you could invite instead ? Perhaps someone you and ds hadn't considered before ? To keep it neutral and less intense, take them to the park/clay painting cafe etc.

I really sympathise. My ds2 sounds like your little boy - not into football much etc., and more "sensitive" than gung ho. He's now 11 but between the ages of 4 and 8 he had a nightmare friend too. Unfortunately I couldn't easily just stop inviting him round as his sister was a friend of my dd, and tbh theeir mum was lovely and I didn't want a confrontation. Weak or what ! This boy "Toby" used to smash things, answer back, refuse to wash hands after peeing etc arrrghhh. The family moved away which solved that particular problem. Since then I've toughened up and the children who are pita just don't get invited back, at all if I can help it, or maybe we go to an outside space to save my home being trashed. I have 4 children the youngest a toddler not yet having playdates, but my advice is GET TOUGH.

That is awful behaviour. We have had a fair few children round to play, boys and girls, and none have behaved in that manner. Definitely not the norm.

Did the parents come to collect the child afterwards? Did you tell them about the behaviour, especially of the damage to your house/property and aggression towards your younger son? Wat did the parents have to say? Did they get the child to apologse and help tidy back up?

If you do have one back over how about limiting the time to a shorter perpiod for ow, and having some form of structured activity for them to do? Or if dry throw them into the garden to play with balls, etc.

With that behaviour in thecar I would have had to stop the car there and then, and refuse to go on until it stopped.

Make sure you get contact number for the child and don't be afraid to call it if they kick off again.