Struggling being back at work after maternity.

[Writerwannabe83]

I went back to work when DS was 10 months (January this year) and although it was very hard, there were lots of tears on my part, it did her easier as the weeks and months passed.

However, DS is now 15 months and over the last few weeks I gave been really struggling again. I just miss him so much. Because of my shift patterns I sometimes only see him for 30 minutes in a 24 hour period and sometimes I go 48 hours without seeing him.

I only work three days a week do my saving grace is that I get four days a week where I'm home with DS all day.

Of that three days that I work my DS goes to a childminder for two of them and over the last week he's learnt how to say her name, which he keeps saying at home, and I'm finding it upsetting.

I had to go to work yesterday and as I handed DS over to DH he was crying his eyes out, his arms were outstretched towards me and he kept calling out "momma, momma." It was horrible. I was tearful on the way to work and I felt sad all day.

I'm now starting to worry he prefers his CM to me - thats pretty irrational I know.

Some days when DS is home with me he's so clingy and living but other days he seems so disinterested in me. Today is one of those days.

Starting from tomorrow morning it will be another time where I won't see him for 48 hours and I'm dreading it.

I love my job and I know I'm really lucky to have four full days with him a week which is more than some other parents go but I still feel so guilty. Do these feelings ever go away?

When I'm at work I'm surrounding by babies aged 0-2 and it feels so off that I'm leaving my own child with a CM so I can look after other people's children.

I have to work do reducing hours or SAHP'hood is not an option. Maybe thats why I feel so sad, because I know there nothing I can do about it :o(

Sorry for all the typos and the weird smiley face at the end of my post. I'm typing fast on my iPhone and it's doing all sorts of weird things.

He definitely doesn't prefer the childminder to you! But you know that already.

48 hours away from him is really tough and even if you have the trade off of 4 days at home it's still so hard while you're apart.

I guess, if you have to work, then your situation is preferable to 5 days of long hours and only really having the weekends together?

I don't have any solutions but just for you and please don't feel guilty. 4 full days together is fab.

I'm not sure what you do, but it sounds childcare based. Would it work to become a self employed child minder yourself then you can look after other people's kids (and crucially be paid for it) as well as your own?

I think your feelings are normal. You want your children to be happy in child care but a little part of you feels jealous when they are happy with someone else. I think the key point to remember is that your child will throughout their childhood spend time with other people - whether its a child minder, other family members, teachers. They will openly express their liking for someone else for many years to come because they don't learn to keep feelings hidden to stop someone else being hurt until they are much older. You can't control this and you have to remember to feel pleased that they are happy and settled.

It is pretty horrid when your child is upset at seeing you leaving (and some children do this every time a parent leaves). But you have to remember that 5 minutes later they are normally happy as anything again.

You will be the constant and you will be there - they won't always appreciate that.

You are me. My DD is 15 months also. I'm hating be back. I'm also lucky to only do three (ridiculously long) days, so I get four days with her. But I miss her terribly and feel guilty. She sobs at every nursery drop-off. I never thought I'd feel like it - I have a professional career I worked hard for - but I want to be a SAHM. Except that's not an option financially. I feel pretty sad about it, and resentful of the crap at work that I just don't care about any more. It's rubbish.

Sorry, there wasn't any advice there, just my own personal pity party.

Than you everyone it's nice to know that I'm not alone and I'm not crazy for having these thoughts.

My CM really is amazing, she does above and beyond what she needs to for DS and she genuinely does care about him and I would much prefer that than to hand him over to someone who is ambivalent towards him and who DS isn't attached to.

I'm a children's nurse caring for babies aged 0-2 and when I see the really poorly babies it makes me realise how lucky I am to have one that's healthy and then I feel upset with myself that I'm not enjoying every healthy moment of his life with him because I'm at work. The same goes for when I see the parents who are distraught by what is happening to their child and I can't help but think, "This could be me one day." and then the feelings of guilt creep in that I'm taking DS's presence in my life for granted and that really I should be with him and make the most of every moment we have together. That's a very unrealistic 'rose tinted glasses' approach to being a parent and I know that but I still feel like I should be with him and not at work.