I lost my temper with my husband and hit him - hate myself

[Ladywithababy1]

Hi all this is my first time posting on MN so please be kind, especially as I am at a very low ebb.

I have a six month old son who I love very much but who has never slept through the night and has recently got worse following a cold and teething and stomach bug hitting at the same time. Also I have always suffered from insomnia anyway.

My husband is mostly great but drinks too much and has a strong tendency to go AWOL and not pick up the phone and then come back in the small hours. This means I lie awake stressing and getting more and more angry with him and more and more exhausted.

Anyway this happened tonight (hence the post at 2.15am) and when he got back I just saw total red and started to hit and scratch him. I sicken myself and feel so ashamed but at the same time there's a small voice inside me saying that it was justified because I am so shattered and drained and never ever get a break etc. But I know it's wrong and I don't want my husband to leave me because I love him.

Please help I feel like I am going insane.

Thank you.

X post with weehouse

you need to kick him out. Hes making you into someone you dont even recognise and its beginning to be dangerous.

Are you on hormonal contraceptives? I only ask as I was on the pill for a week and any remotely stressful moment it escalated. Obviously violence is not the answer but you know that. You need to work out if there is a workable middle ground with your husband. He does not sound like he is helping!

I know this is an old thread... my husband drinks so much too. I've had to deal with emotional abuse for the last 4 years. He spends more times with his friends. But when his drunk around me he starts insulting me! Police had been evolved for the abuse I received previously... I was also kicked in the stomach and grabbed round the throat by him.
So we went to Spain the other week for one of his friends weddings- all his friends were there (I knew no one) he got drunk with them every night, he started on the booze from 11 AM, I just wanted to see the sights... I couldn't do it/ I'd of been looked down on doing it on my own in a foreign country!
3 nights on the trot my husband was very drunk and emotionally abusive towards me. He asked me to leave my children behind for this holiday (they are all old enough anyway) but looking back I'd of preferred to have stayed with them.
So back to the 3 drunken nights of his.... every drunken night he made me feel worthless, told me I'd be nothing without him... told me I'm a s**t wife, told me I'm sponging off of him, told me his leaving me, told me I'm getting fat (blah blah blah)- im a size 12! anyway the last night in Spain I saw something, something I've never had in my life, I found strength! I grew some balls! After being verbally and emotionally abused for the last 4 years. I punched him hard... hard in the face... I broke his nose! And left... what happened he came and found me at the airport and didnt want me to go! Wtf! I don't regret punching him at all! After 4 years of verbal torcher and drunkenness they've got to except the fact that they drove you to it!