Help, my 3 year old boy wetting himself again & being rude/naughty!

[issOss]

Hi, I'm a new mumsnetter, and would be really grateful for any advice on how to convince my son to go to the toilet/potty instead of doing it in his pants. He is very good at doing poos on the toilet, and up until a week or two ago, he was going to the potty/toilet every time he needed a wee. He would sometimes do a few drops in his pants, but still he tried to get there. Now he doent even know tht he is sitting in wet pants & trousers. I think he may be being lazy or defiant, he used to get stickers when he was good, but think he grew out of that. He was getting a small present every day that he was dry. Now Ive resorted to telling him that if he wets himslf he'll have to wear a nappy, and he doesnt like that so Im hoping hell be good. Also hes really rude and naughty now and I feel hes going thru the terrible twos a bit late! Anyone got any advice??? please!

How is he in himself besides that? Has he been unwell lately?

My two go through stages especially when they are poorly though its more bedwetting.

Has there been any changes in routine? people?

My advice would be to visit your doctors to rule out a water infection or something along them lines and concentrate on a routine whilst keeping an eye out to see if it is something in particular that is setting off his behaviour or wetting himself. HTH.

Maybe the novelty has just worn off and he has better things to do with his time?

Thanks for the advice.
He has started preschool in october, but shud be used to it by now, he is very sensitive, and does not like to be at school and finds it hrd to talk to other kids even tho he has friends there, he does get upset if they are not there that day. He is quite shy and goes from extremes of shyness to being crazy and loud, he cannot control it yet, hoping he will be more comfortable within himself and not be so scare of other kids. He doesnt like confrontation. Also he has started to need a light on at bedtime, and wakes up a lot for attention and freaksout if the doorbellrings, even if I tell him who it is. It upsets me that he is not himself when he goes to school or sees new people, because I know that he is a chatty fun clever little boy and the teachers probably probably dont see that. I know it takes time to settle in, but I do get stressed if I know hes unhappy.

Has anyone got any advice on behaviour for 3 year old boys?
I have to tell my son off all the time at home now, even tho he was a very good boy until just recently. He shouts and punches and wants his own way and shouts for things he wants, and says nasty things - it can be embarrassing when we're out and I tell him off for being so rude. I think he finds it funny, but also maybe linked to wetting himself. Is he rebelling very early? Please would appreciate to hear from anyone else going thru same situation, as I am at stage of pulling out my hair!

My Ds is 2yrs 8mths and was trained about 4mths ago, he has just started to wet and poo again all the time. He also slaps me when he is told off a all down tnd can really be cheeky! I put it down to the fact that DS2 is 8mths and he gets his nappy changed and not told off for weeing/pooing and also the fact that he is being his age!
One thing that has worked for us is putting favourite toys up on a shelf as a sort of punishment when he has weed/pooed on the floor/in pants and then he "wins" them back when he goes to the loo....also works with bad behaviour. After a particularly bad weekend, just had two dry and well-behaved days on the trot.

thanks, that sounds a good idea with putting toys on shelf, might try that today....
anyone else got any good ideas?

I have a dd who is 3.2, and I seem to spend all day reading threads like this. Suddenly my little angel has become defiant, refusing to go to the loo etc.

Not for nothing did someone coin the expression "threenager".

I am trying to set boundaries, and I think they are being tested, but she is so sensitive and shy normally that I can't bear to completely crush her spirit.

DH is convinced that supernanny tactics are needed, with severe bollockings every 5 minutes.

I am pretty sure, having read many parents saying the same, that this is a developmental stage, where they start to rebel.

However, I'm afraid I don't have any simple answers. I am trying to give extras bits of attention and cuddles whenever I can, and find more stimulating activities for her to do. And a quicker turnover of activities. This does seem to be working a bit, and keeping things more calm.

Good luck.

Sounds like he is craving attention. I found with my DS that he suddenly realised that if he was "naughty" he would get my full on & undivided attention, whereas if he was pottering around then I didn't really pay him huge amounts of attention.
Try rewarding anything he does well with lots of praise. Could even be really small things like drinking his juice/squash nicely or walking beside you well - anything really. Watch his little face light up with pleasure & you'll find it makes a big difference.
I wouldn't be cross about the wetting himself thing. Just put the nappy back on, next time he has an accident. Tell him that he can try again tomorrow, but that mummy is too busy to keep cleaning up all the wees on the floor.
Stickers/reward charts have a very limited life span. They are good for breaking a really bad pattern of behaviour - but not for long-term, which is probably why you've found them to be no longer effective with your DS.

Thanks for the advice, made me laugh about the threenager!

Its real helpful to hear from other people who are going thru similar situations.

I now feel less despair about my sons behaviour and I know I magnify every negative in my head, but someimes I need to step back and see that hes just a little boy and hes only 3!

Thanks again, if theres any more anyone would like to add please do as every reply gives me more hope.

Dear Issoss
I have been having very similar probs with my little boy who's just three (10 days ago) and has just started being more 'challenging' (love that pc expression!) and has started wetting his pants again- often not weeing in the loo at all all day this week.
Did you sort out the problem? If so how?

I'd also be really interstd to hear how you got on issOss as my DS 3.1. is behaving really badly, rebeling etc and after 7 mths of potty training is having more and more accidents. Many times he wee's on the floor with a big grin on his face!!!!

Hi,
my son does really well for a few days with staying dry during the day, but just the last few days has been wetting himself, but not completely - he still goes to the toilet.
He is also naughty and rebellious and rude to me every day now. He drives me mad sometimes, I know he just wants to do the opposite of what I ask him and also he shouts at me and starts being nasty. I tell him off for being rude and he has to apologise before he can get anywhere with me.
I know he is a very good boy, but has hit a new stage now where he thinks he can do what he wants.
It may be because he picks behaviour up from nursery school.
He goes crazy like hes had lots of sugar, but hes had none. Crazy like running around, shouting, laughing, just wanting to have too much fun, then he works himself up into naughtiness!
Maybe hes just really having a good time and cant control himself - so he wets himself, and then acts naughty so that I dont notice his wet pants (except it brings my attention to it much quicker!)
Sounds like you guys are going thru the same thing - nice to know I'm not alone!
Think they just want attention and bad attention is still attention.
I only give him a drink if he goes on the potty/toilet first. And then its only a quarter of a cup.
Hope it gets better for you both - let me know - it helps to hear about it.
xx