Son has EXTREMELY limited diet & seems obsessed with ingredients

[MakeThemEatCake]

Hello, just looking for any advice/ideas from anyone who has experienced similar or maybe can see things I might be missing.

Wasn't sure whether to post here so if someone feels it should be moved please let me know :)

My DS is just 12, and my main (but not only) concern is his diet. From the age of around 3 he went off quite a few foods and at 4 decided to become a vegetarian - this was completely his own choice, he wasn't influenced by myself or his dad.

From then his reluctance to eat certain foods became worrying, but I still thought he was just a 'fussy eater' and so did my family and health visitor. It never occured to me that it was so deep psychologically, and part of me hoped he would grow out of it, as MANY people told me he would. The other part of me however had a feeling that it would only get worse. I was right, as he became very controlling about what food he would eat.

We tried lots of things, but unfortunately I wasn't strong enough to completely stop buying the things he liked for long enough, and would never let him go hungry for too long. Typing that makes me realise that ultimately I am to blame for his issues :(

Now he eats the following - cheese on toast, cheese and tomato pizza (homemade usually), over chips, wholemeal pitta bread, cherry tomatoes. That's it for lunch and dinner. For breakfast he has cereal or an apple and grapes. Snacks wise he loves crisps, chocolate, ice cream and asks for these often, but I have to limit them obviously or they are all he'd eat.

Getting him to eat the meal items is a challenge, he frequently says he doesn't want them and will only have a few bites. He then says he's starving, and I believe him. He is quite tall, I think he's about to start puberty as his voice is getting a bit deeper and he's hormonal and moody, and his body must be crying out for food.

He is aware he has an issue, but says he can't control it :/ He checks labels for EVERYTHING he eats and it has to say it's suitable for vegetarians or he won't eat it. I have tried getting him involved in shopping, cooking, creating recipes, told him he can choose new ingredients to try - I can tell he wants to want to if that makes sense, but then he can't actually do it.

Don't want to drip feed but am worried this post is too long, but there is more to it and I have control issues over food too which I am sure have caused his. I feel so guilty and feel I haven't been a great mum to him in this way and want to undo this mess I've caused him.

Oh btw, he has seen several health professionals over the years who have been quite blase about this and said he's healthy and growing and for me to chill out about it, so that is why I have let it go on for so long as they insist the less pressure I put on him the better.

Thank you for reading.

I don't know why it won't let me revert back to my normal username, I have NC since posting on here, but anyway..

I really could do with some, ANY advice as things are getting so bad, I can't cope :(

DS has been referred to a paediatric dietician in a few weeks, he doesn't even know this as I know he'll freak out, so will tell him the day before.

In the meantime hes become so obsessive about anything that might not be 100% vegetarian, he is not admitting it but he's slowly turning vegan too.

Tonight I have just lost my shit and gone crazy at him, last week his science teacher told the class that all pasta has egg in it. This was one of the very few foods he would eat, if I pressured him enough. She said that without exception, it ALL has egg in. This confused him, we got the packet out the cupboard and I showed him it's just durum wheat. He's just said he checked with her today and she said he's wrong and that every single pasta has got egg in. I could scream. I did cry, I shouted, I said I''m ringing the school to complain.

He started crying too and said I'm horrible and then his dad joined in and said I'm upsetting everyone and that its no big deal what he eats (or doesn't eat). Now neither of them will speak to me. What the hell can I do?? :(

I don't know, but you need a bump for people who might, that just sounds like a dreadful evening.

I've read the whole thread, it seems like you really can cope until this next appointment, although I recognise that it's scary you can't tell him yet. I agree that getting the school to call off the science teacher is going to be important, but depending how many science lessons are coming up you might even be able to cope with waiting to deal with that.

Thank you yes you dont know how much I appreciate your reply! Am so alone with this. No one is bothered or worried except me. In-laws say i'm overreacting and find it funny and quirky.

Yes, will wait til this dietician app, its only 2 weeks. It's all so overwhelming and I am a failure for letting this happen.

Sorry I can't be more help. You've got a lot of circles to square with trying to get some perspective on what's a healthy attitude to food if you have issues and your in laws find this funny and quirky.

Bloody hell! How can the teacher have done that? a) she's wrong and b) even if she were right, she surely must have some realisation that a lot of kids have difficulty with food and eating??

I would ask to meet her. She needs to know what she's doing - that's twice she's caused you a problem. But I bow to others' knowledge of the kinds of things you are dealing with.

I really hope the dietitian is good. I would have more of a talk with your dh about how he felt about his treatment in the past. But going via the dietitian might actually be a good idea.

Yes your reply last night really did help, it made me feel less alone, which was everything in that moment. Agree with you, perspectives are skewed all round I think, I'm worried sick, DH is relaxed about it, my parents are shocked and have been for years at my son's diet...outside help is very much needed at this point.

Ann, I don't understand this teacher either and will be speaking to the pastoral manager shortly. Not going in all guns blazing but will just calmly tell him what this teacher said, and how she may not realise the effect iys had. If I can meet her,even better. Am going to ask.

Yes, fingers crossed for the dietician..problem is getting him to go, one of the main (probably equal) issues with him is his reluctance to talk about this so a stranger in a hospital setting grilling him about his diet is his worst nightmare!

We have similar problems, dr said he was at a loss as to where to refer as nut ironist would just talk about 5 a day and as he appears healthy and normal weight height range didn't want to refer. Please don't blame yourself, think it's genetic, my son def has sensory issues but getting better as he gets older but progress is slow slow you hardly notice it. Tend to take a sort of aversion therapy approach to things, put food in middle of table, try and encourage him to touch smell and lick even if he doesn't eat it.

There was a radio 4 phone in on woman's hour about food which was really interesting a couple of weeks back. Try and catch it in on the I player, they mentioned a study called plate A and plate B which we are trying and seems to work. It isn't going to change over night and it's hard work and affects family life. You are doing a great job and keep going xx

spud I feel for you, I really do. It is hard to know the despair of this situation unless you go through it - which is not a critisism of parents who don't go through it, after all there are issues my friends have which I don't truly 'get'. It is such a worry. How old is your son now?

I will check iplayer for that programme, it sounds fascinating and quite unique, never heard anyhthing like it before! I get what you;re saying about the nutritionist and only being concerned about the 5 a day, I think they tend to focus on the 'what is being consumed' rather than the 'why', and the psychology behind it.

We'll see what happens in a couple of weeks, I will try to be more calm about it and try putting food around him with no pressure to eat it and see if that helps.../will try anything at this point tbh!

Sorry for typos, very tired and stressed x