Worried sick about suicide

[sweetpop]

I am at my wits end, I am worried sick.

From the day my daughter was born she was big, she continued putting on weight rapidly as she grew and I admit we had an appauling diet and DH's mum would often walk in with 4 bars of chocolate and give them to her from the age of 3, even when we tried to cut down on fatty food they continued to give her stuff like this.

She has always been very different from the other children, she does not make friends, prefers to be on her own, has always been very babyish for her age. She became obsessed with Barney the dinosaur from about the age of 2 and this carried on until she was at least 9, she had 14 barney teddies and would talk to them, kiss them, arrange them on the couch, say goodbye to them before she left for school "bye bye barney number one kiss bye bye barney number 2 kiss bye bye barney number 3 kiss..." this routine would be performed without fail every morning and every dinner time.

She had a misserable time at primary school, she had no friends (partly her own doing as she would snap at people if they spoke to her and tell them to shut up and go away), she was bullied quite a lot, instances of her being kicked repeatidly in the legs and back, called names, pushed and once she was held by her legs and dragged across the playground on her back by a group of boys. The school were no help.

She developed strange habits at home, she would sit on the floor and rock from side to side, she began talking to objects such as the toilet and her games, she would sit staring at the tv screen in hysterics when it was just the dreamcast that was on (so nothing funny), she even became obsessed with the norwich union advert that was played over and over again on one of sky's game channels and would sit and watch it repeated over and over again.

I was dreading her starting secondry school, I thought she would be bullied badly but when she started she seemed ok, the other kids started to "mother" her and she started to change a little and started acting more "normal", anyway a girl befriended her in year 7, a girl that was completely different to her, gobby, bitchy, hard faced etc...everyone kept telling me there was a sinister reason behind this friendship and I just thought they were pulling my daughter down and sayings he couldn't possibly make a friend. Anyway before the summer holidays my daughter came home crying, turns out this girl had been taking her dinner money off her every day and the teachers had found out, the girl got in trouble and the "friendship" was over, she didnt want to know her anymore. DD was heart broken, the one friend she'd managed to make was using her. Then it turned out that a few of the lads had started calling her names, "beached whale", "ginger bitch" etc and they have also started taking the micky out of the way she walks (with a limp due to her weight).

Anyway the "friendship" with the girl surfaced again but my DD assured me that it was true friendship this time...last friday she came home sobbing her heart out, this girl had been asking her for money again and has even got a friend doing it with her this time too. Again she was found out and the friendship ended again. That night my DD was inconsolable, she went up to her room and I followed half an hour later to see if she was ok and I found her sitting upright on her bed crying in the darkness with sad music playing, I went down stairs and cried my heart out, she's so sad and I'm terriefied she will end up snapping and killing herself.

She now carries a cat teddy around with her, talking to it, telling it off, being a "friend" to it, she's 13 and acts like a 5 year old, I'm so worried about what will become of her. She never goes out, even on a weekend she prefers to sit in the house by herself whilst we go out, I can picture her sat in this house after we die day after day on her own never doing anything.

Please help me, what can I do to help her? is she likely to try and kill herself?

Sweetpop
I can't answer your question but I feel for you and I'm surprised you've got this far without asking for help. Have you seen your GP? It sounds like your daughter needs to be seen by someone specialising in child and adolescent mental health and your GP could refer her. Also try phoning Saneline, they are a mental health helpline and part of the charity SANE. I used to work for them years ago. There is more information on their website try: www.sane.org.uk/public_html/SANE_Services/SANELINE.shtm
Please, if things are this bad and you are this worried, get some help for you and for her.
Good luck.

Have you had your dd assessed for special needs?

I really don't know what I can say or do to help but I didn't want to read and run. My heart goes out to you and I would urge you to see your GP and make an appointment with the school. Try whatever it takes to build your daughter's confidence and self esteem and I wouldn't worry about the teddy. I sucked my thumb until I was 23. We all need comfort sometimes and it sounds like your daughter has been through a lot. If you have worries about her diet could you have cook nights with her where you both make tea together? It is well known that children will try and eat different things if they have helped to make it themselves. Huge Hugs to you and your daughter.

We have been backwards and fowards to the doctor, she has been refered to Ocupational therapy (they never got in touch with us and when we chased it up it turns out we had been given the wrong address so it was a wild goose chase), a couple of years ago she was refered to a pysciatrist who again never got in touch and when we chased them up they sent us phoning different places and it was pointless. She was with a dietrician from the age of 7 but all she was saying was common sense and my DH is no help at all as he insists on us buying fatty foods as he likes them and insists that DD should be able to eat what she wants.

DD will not join any clubs, I've tried with sporty clubs, brownies/guides, st john ambulance...even piano lessons and she refuses to go to anything.

My eldest daughter insists that DD has autism but surely the school or doctor would have picked up on this? Its like nobody wants to help me, not even DH, he just leaves it all to me and says "well I was a loner as a child and it never did me any harm" but he cant understand that this goes way beyond being a 'loner'

I know very, very little about this subject but a few things in your post do actually sound like autistic traits to me. I'm sorry you've had so little help and services have let you down. I was bullied at school and it was horrendous - my heart really goes out to your dd. I would try and get referred for an assessment for SN.

Very sorry your daughter is suffering so much. Would it be worth having a meeting with her teacher? How is she doing academically?

I would keep going to the GP and asking for a referral, perhaps to a child psychiatrist, until you get some action. It's terrible that she's suffering when she quite obviously needs emotional support and counselling.

Sweetpop Get the bit between your teeth and keep trying for a referral to a child psychiatrist or nurse or whatever. This is your daughter's and your life you are talking about. If you are not getting the services you need go back and tell the GP. They will soon sort you out if you pester them enough. It is a shame it has to be like this but in some areas services are not as well set up as others. My GP practice is brilliant but I've had bad experiences in other places. You could always try changing GP if that might help, you are perfectly within your rights.

You sound at your wits end, I just wanted to urge you to get some help. I work in a CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health) team and this is just the kind of child we would see. I'm really sorry all your previous attempts to get help haven't worked. You could also try the local NHS PALS (patient advisory liasion service) to get someone to support you. You can push your GP to make a referral to your local CAMHS team and say how worried you are about her low mood and isolation, and age-inappropriate behaviour. Another poster mentioned autism - it may be that she fits on the autism spectrum (ASD)- not full blown, but some characteristics, particularly ones that relate to social abilities. This can often be missed, but even if she's not SN, then you should be able to get a service to help with her social abilities and self-esteem. I just wanted to let you know that you SHOULD be getting help with this, so you and your daughter have rights to receive support. Good luck, and in terms of her mental health, having a mum that cares as you obviously do is a vitally important protective factor.

i was just wondering of you are doing anything to help her with healthy eating/weight control. she obviously has low self esteem and maybe if she was helped with her weight issues she would start to gain a bit of confidence. you say she's limping due to her weight so im guessing it is a serious problem. girls her age are so self consious.