What funny/silly/down-right ridiculous things have you told your child(ren)?

[Emjones88]

Let me kick off with;

It was Christmas time, DS was about 3. He had already eaten a minced pie (the top and edge being the fav bit he ate first) for pudding when he asked for another.

I said no as one was enough and he must be filled up. He said he wasn't and really, really wanted another. Ok I said and gave in.

A minute later he turns to me with a minced pie that was missing the top saying he was full up. I looked at him and said that he asked for it so should eat it, if he didn't George (the dog) could turn into a toad and hop off!

He looked at the dog then proceeded to finish the minced pie off! The thing is I was only playing him and expected a bit of "no he won't" "but he might" -teasing. Lol

Another one (I don't think he's scarred... lol)

When ever we went to a pub to eat I would have a little joke that I would try a tiny bit of his food to "check it wasn't poisonous" (really I just wanted a tiny nibble of a chicken nugget). I always thought he knew this was a joke until one day, we were having a pub lunch with a friend of mine, when he just sat there with his food in front of him not touching it. When I asked him why he replied "because you haven't checked it's not poisonous mummy" lol

Not to my own DC but to a class of children. Reading little house on the prairie. Get to the bit where the neighbour is clearly dressed up as Santa for the children, and has battled a snow storm to get to them.
A bright spark says "oh that's not really Santa!" And I click worried eyes swivelling around!! So I feign absolute ignorance and say of course it is! I'm a teacher, I've read the book a lot and I just don't know who else it could be!!
As the more naive kiddies go eyes down to do their comprehension, I give bright spark a big old wink!

I told my son that the Netherlands is actually built on one gigantic raft and every time we get a heavy rainstorm, the raft and therefore the whole of the Netherlands floats up a meter or so.

He believed me!

My daughter fully believes that my dad and I went to hogwarts. This started when my brother was small around the time the first movie was rreleased, he passed the dvds on to my daughter and told her that granda and mum went lol

I told my very young children that when the ice cream van plays the tune it means it's too late and he's on his way. At 17 and 18 I think they've just about forgiven me.

OP- I alway used to have to check my DS's food (sweets/chocolates in particular) so see if they were poisonous Only right if you're a good parent.

I tell my DCs that the smoke alarms are Santa's monitors to check they're being good, ds stands under the smoke alarm to apologise to Santa if he's been bad

these are great! Going to Hogwarts and Santas monitors made me laugh out loud!

Scrambledegg pleased to find another

According to DS, I told him that all the balls in golf courses go into an underground pipe and out to sea, like a giant snooker table. He thought sand dredger ships were picking up the balls to sell again.
I have no memory of telling him that story!

Ha ha! Lolimax - I used to tell my dc when the ice cream van played it's music - it meant he had none left :)

Dd 3.5 thinks thats her hair grows when she eats chicken

And she also thinks that mummy does not fart (I am heavily pregnant) and that the occasional bad smell is the result of the baby farting (I will not contradict her on that one)

After trying to explain to my very bright year 1 class that they mustn't touch the mushrooms growing in the flowerbeds and having to answer more and more complex questions that I wasn't convinced I knew the answers to I told them they mustn't touch because tiny fairies live on them and they'd hurt them.

The explanation was completely accepted with no questions.

2 little girls even whispered to me after break that they'd seen the fairies

Dd that believes I was at hogwarts is watching Harry potter now, she's wearing my hogwarts jumper (new look) she thinks it was my uniform.

My mum convinced me that Scotland had run out of hot water.. The best part I was bloody 15 at the time! believed it for months gullible and idiotic child

Dd is only 15 months old, I'll be sending her to DM for.the.more.'complex' questions she may have

Lol! Excellent ladies

We told our kids that the CD player in the car wouldn't work on their shit CDs of Nursery Rhymes/story tapes.

E told DS that the ice cream van that comes down our street every evening from April - October was The Bed Inspectors, coming to make sure all the children are in bed.

My niece thinks that after a certain time of night she has to leave one of my dogs alone because he goes to bed early so he can be up to catch the bus to work in the morning. He works in a tax office & is very good at math... she's never questioned this.

lol ladies and that brings a different meaning to a working dog lol.